People are fickle...
I think I'm the one who's really behind for forgetting that for so long. And I'm still the one crying over old times while everyone else is moving on. Enough of that.
I'm being too optimistic about what life could be, as opposed to what it really is. Insecure people... I'm no different from them.
Back to reading.
Monday, February 5, 2007
Saturday, February 3, 2007
2 hours later...
So yeah. I'm bored.
Time to compare AIM logs!
Dated from the time I got this computer until now, and by file size just because.
Peter - 15.2 MB
Harrison - 7.02 MB
Olivia - 2.65 MB
Kevin M. - 2.14 MB
David - 1.86 MB
Alex - 1.34 MB
Duy - 947 KB
Kevin L. - 901 KB
Carol - 827 KB
Danny - 625 KB
Van - 573 KB
Anthony - 475 KB
Chantel - 448 KB
Ann - 425 KB
Beatrice - 417 KB
My - 373 KB
Sarah - 369 KB
Ashley - 338 KB
For some reason after all that, I don't think I talk enough. Although actually, if I were to order it by preference, it wouldn't necessarily be in this order, especially since this list is partly affected by how often certain people sign online...
Although then again, I don't exactly trust my own sense of levels either. Point being, I need a life.
I really should get on this Econ... Geh.
Time to compare AIM logs!
Dated from the time I got this computer until now, and by file size just because.
Peter - 15.2 MB
Harrison - 7.02 MB
Olivia - 2.65 MB
Kevin M. - 2.14 MB
David - 1.86 MB
Alex - 1.34 MB
Duy - 947 KB
Kevin L. - 901 KB
Carol - 827 KB
Danny - 625 KB
Van - 573 KB
Anthony - 475 KB
Chantel - 448 KB
Ann - 425 KB
Beatrice - 417 KB
My - 373 KB
Sarah - 369 KB
Ashley - 338 KB
For some reason after all that, I don't think I talk enough. Although actually, if I were to order it by preference, it wouldn't necessarily be in this order, especially since this list is partly affected by how often certain people sign online...
Although then again, I don't exactly trust my own sense of levels either. Point being, I need a life.
I really should get on this Econ... Geh.
A Day in the Life
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
So, I'm through Chapter 1. The book hasn't been that hard to read so far (Dinner scene went by the fastest, but I liked it the most), although I expect it to as Stephen starts getting older... Interesting how the writing style starts changing progressively to reflect his inconstant perception of thing. Maybe I should do Joyce for that poetry project...
Anyway... drove to Irvine today after tennis to eat at China Garden. I haven't driven on the freeway for several months, but surprisingly it went by pretty well. Just a matter of going with the flow. The dim sum at the restaurant was pretty good, but trying to park there is HORRENDOUS. The place was so full that cars were parking even in the most inconvenient spots like random open curbs and even a red curb in one case. Got lucky enough to find a spot across the street next to the 99 Ranch Market, but even that was rather tough.
Heard 3 cars run into each other while waiting outside for a table in the restaurant. Looked up and there were two Asian women out of their cars yelling at each other. Kinda amusing.
It's Winter Formal night, but unlike last year, I don't really care about the fact that I'm not going, nor about the fact that I've still never been to a high school dance. I wonder why.
Scholarship applications to do, books to read, games (I ought) to play, material to watch, homework to do... I don't feel like any of it. Well, I would feel like the stuff between applications and homework but I can't because then I'd feel guilty for not doing those outer two. And I still haven't played the Wii after all this time. My brother's at the 5th dungeon in Zelda.
Volunteering at the Pacific Shoreline Marathon tomorrow... Woohoo. I have to get up at 5:15 or so to make it.
Kingdom Hearts 2: Final Mix +... I realize how much Square is whoring its products right now by doing that (as with everything else it's done recently...), but I would still buy it just for the extra features and scenes anyway. I'm like that.
I think I'm obsessed with the idea of hanging out with friends. I would gladly do that above anything else right now. It might explain why I've gotten detached from playing games as of late... unless it's at a friend's house.
Dinner, then homework I guess. Meh.
Actually, I'd rather do homework than scholarship applications. So I guess that's some motivation for me. At least I can get into doing homework without worrying about wasting time... if that makes any sense.
But I still want to read more. And if I had the patience and didn't feel like having to explain it to my parents (who haven't heard it since my cousins last came over and played it) would like to get back on that piano and relearn how to play some of my old songs, as well as songs that actually interest me for once (COMPANY!... although I would kinda need 11 other people singing at the same time for that to truly work. As well as an orchestra backup.). I think the reason I didn't like playing before was because my teacher made me feel too restricted, and I didn't really care much about music back then because I had nothing that interested me at the time. Then I saw that one guy play One Winged Angel at that last recital and I thought, "Why couldn't I have learned that?" But by that point, I was on the verge of quitting anyway, just because I couldn't commit to practicing. And my teacher said I'd probably become too busy because of high school...
If this year's taught me anything, it's that I never was too busy until this year.
So, I'm through Chapter 1. The book hasn't been that hard to read so far (Dinner scene went by the fastest, but I liked it the most), although I expect it to as Stephen starts getting older... Interesting how the writing style starts changing progressively to reflect his inconstant perception of thing. Maybe I should do Joyce for that poetry project...
Anyway... drove to Irvine today after tennis to eat at China Garden. I haven't driven on the freeway for several months, but surprisingly it went by pretty well. Just a matter of going with the flow. The dim sum at the restaurant was pretty good, but trying to park there is HORRENDOUS. The place was so full that cars were parking even in the most inconvenient spots like random open curbs and even a red curb in one case. Got lucky enough to find a spot across the street next to the 99 Ranch Market, but even that was rather tough.
Heard 3 cars run into each other while waiting outside for a table in the restaurant. Looked up and there were two Asian women out of their cars yelling at each other. Kinda amusing.
It's Winter Formal night, but unlike last year, I don't really care about the fact that I'm not going, nor about the fact that I've still never been to a high school dance. I wonder why.
Scholarship applications to do, books to read, games (I ought) to play, material to watch, homework to do... I don't feel like any of it. Well, I would feel like the stuff between applications and homework but I can't because then I'd feel guilty for not doing those outer two. And I still haven't played the Wii after all this time. My brother's at the 5th dungeon in Zelda.
Volunteering at the Pacific Shoreline Marathon tomorrow... Woohoo. I have to get up at 5:15 or so to make it.
Kingdom Hearts 2: Final Mix +... I realize how much Square is whoring its products right now by doing that (as with everything else it's done recently...), but I would still buy it just for the extra features and scenes anyway. I'm like that.
I think I'm obsessed with the idea of hanging out with friends. I would gladly do that above anything else right now. It might explain why I've gotten detached from playing games as of late... unless it's at a friend's house.
Dinner, then homework I guess. Meh.
Actually, I'd rather do homework than scholarship applications. So I guess that's some motivation for me. At least I can get into doing homework without worrying about wasting time... if that makes any sense.
But I still want to read more. And if I had the patience and didn't feel like having to explain it to my parents (who haven't heard it since my cousins last came over and played it) would like to get back on that piano and relearn how to play some of my old songs, as well as songs that actually interest me for once (COMPANY!... although I would kinda need 11 other people singing at the same time for that to truly work. As well as an orchestra backup.). I think the reason I didn't like playing before was because my teacher made me feel too restricted, and I didn't really care much about music back then because I had nothing that interested me at the time. Then I saw that one guy play One Winged Angel at that last recital and I thought, "Why couldn't I have learned that?" But by that point, I was on the verge of quitting anyway, just because I couldn't commit to practicing. And my teacher said I'd probably become too busy because of high school...
If this year's taught me anything, it's that I never was too busy until this year.
Friday, February 2, 2007
Hm.
Looking back at what I've said... It seems pretty clear to me now why I am the way I am. Or was, anyway. Back at that ceremony... I didn't want to intrude on other people in their moments of glory. At least, that's what I said to myself. I saw them all having a good time, but I knew that I hadn't tried enough over the year to really get to know them, so I made that excuse for consciously not getting into any of those pictures. In reality, though, it was that excuse that prevented me from trying to associate with them in the first place. I never really tried taking the first step because I figured I'd be intruding the first time I met them, which I continued saying to myself until the day they left. That's why... who I am hates who I've been.
I know it may sometimes seem like I know a lot of people, or at least, can talk to or associate with a lot of people, and that is true on a basic level. When it comes to really close friendships though, or rather, those I've kept up with on a consistent basis, on the other hand, I haven't really kept up much on my end of things... I don't know what it is with me and approach-avoidance complexes. Heck, I still get paranoid over whether or not I should talk to someone on AIM just because we haven't talked that much before. Meh.
Well anyway... I'm glad this year is starting to look better. All of you guys out there, even though you probably aren't reading this anyway... it means a lot.
I don't know why I'm saying this now of all times, but as it's past 1 AM, I'm more susceptible to randomly blurting out stuff that's on my mind in these things.
I know it may sometimes seem like I know a lot of people, or at least, can talk to or associate with a lot of people, and that is true on a basic level. When it comes to really close friendships though, or rather, those I've kept up with on a consistent basis, on the other hand, I haven't really kept up much on my end of things... I don't know what it is with me and approach-avoidance complexes. Heck, I still get paranoid over whether or not I should talk to someone on AIM just because we haven't talked that much before. Meh.
Well anyway... I'm glad this year is starting to look better. All of you guys out there, even though you probably aren't reading this anyway... it means a lot.
I don't know why I'm saying this now of all times, but as it's past 1 AM, I'm more susceptible to randomly blurting out stuff that's on my mind in these things.
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