Monday, March 28, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
SSB
I acknowledge that our community is far from perfect, but I had a good time the past few days. Thank you, IVCCF senior class, for making such an enjoyable and meaningful beach house trip. Even though I hate beaches.
Also, thanks for the garlic croutons and potato bread. :D
Also, thanks for the garlic croutons and potato bread. :D
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
I need a break that isn't wasted by distractions. I don't feel like I've really been able to really think about things for a while, and even when I have time to think... I end up wasting time instead. Thoughts on hand:
- Things that ticked me off this week: the tsunami. "pearl harbor" remarks about the tsunami. infamous ucla girl. this wikileaks cable. video of a bahrain protestor who had the back of his head blown off. (this one made me sick to my stomach.)
I don't comment often about stuff happening in the news, because I find that half of the time the news ****ing pisses me off.
- Still not thinking about the future yet, except that it scares me because I don't really know what I want right now. ultimate job-wise.
- At the moment I feel like I'm over school, but nowhere near over learning yet. however, it feels like school is interfering with what I want to learn right now... actually, I just want to catch up on classes, but my schedule itself is somewhat interfering with that. -_-
- For whatever the reason I have been feeling averse to worship lately. or maybe just the majority of worship songs. I think I mentioned before that I don't really enjoy worship songs the same way I usually enjoy music in that I don't like listening to the original artists who composed the song performing them. Most of what I liked about worship was hearing it in a more personal setting - only nowadays, I'm finding it harder to enjoy even that anymore.
- I am not in the mood to talk to people when they are engaged in other things, although I am very much guilty of this myself.
- Having personal issues with being sure of anything anymore. It struck me how much there is that I don't actually know, that ought to influence how I see things.
- I'm in the middle of one of those low seasons in the semester right now, which is why everything sounds so dreary. It feels kinda comparable to (not that I would know how it would actually feel like) that moment when the disciples were panicking in that boat in the storm while Jesus was sleeping in it. And then he wakes up, chastises the wind and the waves, and asks the disciples, "Where is your faith?"
I am more or less waiting for that moment right now, because presently I'm having trouble seeing past a bunch of long-term future junk. But otherwise, day-to-day life is actually all right.
- Things that ticked me off this week: the tsunami. "pearl harbor" remarks about the tsunami. infamous ucla girl. this wikileaks cable. video of a bahrain protestor who had the back of his head blown off. (this one made me sick to my stomach.)
I don't comment often about stuff happening in the news, because I find that half of the time the news ****ing pisses me off.
- Still not thinking about the future yet, except that it scares me because I don't really know what I want right now. ultimate job-wise.
- At the moment I feel like I'm over school, but nowhere near over learning yet. however, it feels like school is interfering with what I want to learn right now... actually, I just want to catch up on classes, but my schedule itself is somewhat interfering with that. -_-
- For whatever the reason I have been feeling averse to worship lately. or maybe just the majority of worship songs. I think I mentioned before that I don't really enjoy worship songs the same way I usually enjoy music in that I don't like listening to the original artists who composed the song performing them. Most of what I liked about worship was hearing it in a more personal setting - only nowadays, I'm finding it harder to enjoy even that anymore.
- I am not in the mood to talk to people when they are engaged in other things, although I am very much guilty of this myself.
- Having personal issues with being sure of anything anymore. It struck me how much there is that I don't actually know, that ought to influence how I see things.
- I'm in the middle of one of those low seasons in the semester right now, which is why everything sounds so dreary. It feels kinda comparable to (not that I would know how it would actually feel like) that moment when the disciples were panicking in that boat in the storm while Jesus was sleeping in it. And then he wakes up, chastises the wind and the waves, and asks the disciples, "Where is your faith?"
I am more or less waiting for that moment right now, because presently I'm having trouble seeing past a bunch of long-term future junk. But otherwise, day-to-day life is actually all right.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Snippets
Disconnect.
Too many disparate things in mind, no time to write anything unless I want to give up sleep.
Aside from that I'm in one of those moods where I'll find myself cycling between moments of perfectionist anxiety followed by apathy followed by optimism followed by cynicism in the same hour.
I've had multiple people in the past few days tell me I look tired, even though in some of those moments I wasn't actually that tired. Well granted I still haven't recovered from the last few weeks, but I hope this isn't a permanent thing. According to Eunice my eyes were half closed while talking to her. I can't seem to open them much wider without considerable effort right now. -_-
Learning more to appreciate what I have, and not try to see myself as an inferior whole to the people I interact with. In a sense I have almost turned the people I know and their good qualities into my idols.
I've been formulating a list of things I'd like to achieve in the coming years. Due to present circumstances, I don't think I'll be able to start anything on it until after I leave Berkeley, which kinda annoys me cause most of it was stuff I originally wanted to do during college. But such is life I guess.
I find myself applying the phrase "such is life" to a lot of things nowadays. Mostly things I find upsetting or depressing. I've come to expect a lot less from the world nowadays, which means that when little good things happen they suddenly become fantastic things to me. I'm not sure how much I like this effect though.
Too many disparate things in mind, no time to write anything unless I want to give up sleep.
Aside from that I'm in one of those moods where I'll find myself cycling between moments of perfectionist anxiety followed by apathy followed by optimism followed by cynicism in the same hour.
I've had multiple people in the past few days tell me I look tired, even though in some of those moments I wasn't actually that tired. Well granted I still haven't recovered from the last few weeks, but I hope this isn't a permanent thing. According to Eunice my eyes were half closed while talking to her. I can't seem to open them much wider without considerable effort right now. -_-
Learning more to appreciate what I have, and not try to see myself as an inferior whole to the people I interact with. In a sense I have almost turned the people I know and their good qualities into my idols.
I've been formulating a list of things I'd like to achieve in the coming years. Due to present circumstances, I don't think I'll be able to start anything on it until after I leave Berkeley, which kinda annoys me cause most of it was stuff I originally wanted to do during college. But such is life I guess.
I find myself applying the phrase "such is life" to a lot of things nowadays. Mostly things I find upsetting or depressing. I've come to expect a lot less from the world nowadays, which means that when little good things happen they suddenly become fantastic things to me. I'm not sure how much I like this effect though.
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