The last time I was home, I wound up playing a game of chess against my dad while waiting for my brother at a chess academy he recently started taking lessons at. And I checkmated him for the first time in my life.
Granted, he had the disadvantage of inheriting the game board from my brother, who lost three pieces to me (a knight and two pawns) early on as he's still fairly new to chess. But still, were I still in middle school, this probably would've been the crowning achievement of my life up to that point. I'd always looked up to my dad as the chess master, even though he's admitted himself that he's always been just an amateur player since he was little. Before that day, I'd never beaten my dad at chess before, and I don't remember if we'd ever tied either - it feels more like he'd either win or the game would just end early cause of dinner or something. All I can remember are all of the times he'd chastise me for not thinking ahead enough and then proceed to trash all of my pieces.
During the course of that match, I could feel my pulse rise... I usually avoid playing chess because when I get really into it; I get pretty stressed (which is also true of competitive video games, as I mentioned a couple of posts ago). It takes me a while to try and visualize the possible moves that could happen after each of the possible moves I could make, and sometimes I have to picture the same sequence of moves several times before realizing what the final result would be. Which winds up taking an annoyingly long time and usually grates on the patience of who I'm playing against.
It didn't help that there was this six-year-old at the academy who decided to comment on our game throughout the course of it, which included pointing out all of the moments I could have won (I think I called check almost ten times before finally winning... yes, I suck. -_-) but didn't, making noises every time I made a wrong move, and complaining incessantly, "Why are you thinking so hard? It's so easy!" I swear part of me just wanted to smack him every time he made a snarky comment. Freaking six-year-old.
Apparently he told my mom while we were taking a restroom break that I'm pretty good, for someone who's never taken chess lessons before. And that I just think too hard sometimes when the solution is actually pretty simple. Says the kid who's already been taking lessons for two years, when I haven't played a game of chess for a few years... even if I am almost four times his age. Ugh, now that I say that, what have I been doing with my life?
As annoying as it was, I guess it's not everyday that you get humbled by a six-year-old. If anything, I was more amazed at how much he knew, for someone so young. I don't think I ever was that clever when I was his age... (I almost didn't make it into first grade at my old school, but that's another story.)
But honestly, I don't think I want to look at another chess board for a long while now.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
Dream Post #42
For refusing to disguise myself as a member of the Blue Man Group, I am ordered (along with 20 other people) to decapitate myself using the blunt edge of an axe without a handle.
At the moment I attempt to... decapitate myself, I realize I don't have the will to force the axehead through my neck, and neither do any of the 20 other people lined up beside me, as all of them are just randomly shoving the blunt ends at their neck with no effect and sobbing.
In response, Andrew W. shows up in front of us and gives us a remedial lesson on how to put on a Blue Man Group disguise. ("Take note: FOOD COLORING.")
As I woke up I realized that I actually am afraid of dying. and have no idea why my dreams are so morbid sometimes. Sigh.
At the moment I attempt to... decapitate myself, I realize I don't have the will to force the axehead through my neck, and neither do any of the 20 other people lined up beside me, as all of them are just randomly shoving the blunt ends at their neck with no effect and sobbing.
In response, Andrew W. shows up in front of us and gives us a remedial lesson on how to put on a Blue Man Group disguise. ("Take note: FOOD COLORING.")
As I woke up I realized that I actually am afraid of dying. and have no idea why my dreams are so morbid sometimes. Sigh.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Game Stories
It occurred to me that I don't really play most games for gameplay itself so much as I do for stories - narrative experiences - and a natural sense of progression. I mean a game of Starcraft and such is fun once in a while, but back when I actually played Starcraft everyday for a couple of summers, all I played were RPG maps. Which had really simple attempts at plots, but they had the same kind of structure and progression as an actual RPG would, a sense of a journey being undertaken.
I guess I've always been drawn towards RPGS (and later adventure games) in general for those reasons. If anything, the more fast paced and/or competitive the gameplay became (multiplayer Starcraft, Team Fortress 2, Smash Bros. Melee, most first person shooters and platformers) - the more likely I am to burn out while playing them. And I tend to get really irritable when that happens, so I usually don't feel in the mood to play those kinds of games. Even though they can be fun sometimes.
But on the topic of stories, sometimes I get too caught up in them. Or even the idea of them. I like to let my imagination run wild sometimes with the story that's been running in my head since middle school, a story that never really ends because it's always changing and getting influenced by the next game or movie or book I'm currently obsessing over. In the same sense, sometimes I get too overly caught up in the stories of the Bible and the images they evoke more than their actual purpose. I find the stories you find in history books interesting in themselves more than the actual implications of them.
I wonder if I see stories in themselves as a form of escapism. Stories that have an end, anyway. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a story that goes without an end... or is just incomplete. Say because an author dies (Tintin and the Alph-Art, the Millennium series), or because for whatever the reason the writer(s) are not working on finishing what they started (the Chrono series, Dreamfall, Anachronox, Xeno-anything that isn't blade).
But yeah, I obsess over stories because they have an end. They resolve themselves (usually), don't leave loose ends without good reason to, and have a set structure and a sense of purpose and meaning. I don't get the sense of being stuck in limbo or aimlessly meandering when I'm reading a story I like, because I know that an end is in sight. Sometimes I will be impatient enough to spoil some detail of the ending, though, just so that I have assurance that a good ending is there. (Or else end up having to deal with something like the Mass Effect 3 debacle going on right now on the internet.)
I worry sometimes that I take this obsession too far. It's easier for me to just preoccupy myself with these stories than deal with all the other unresolved stories in my life. Life itself is just too messy and complicated to deal with sometimes, so I'd rather just relax and read this book or play this game right now and forget about everything. That's the mentality I end up falling into sometimes. I end up being unable to focus at work or when I'm with other people, because all I really want to do right now is attend to the next thing on my entertainment to-do list. I've managed to rack up 20 hours on Tales of Graces f so far, and it's only been out since Tuesday. (a far cry from middle school, where I could beat a 70 hour JRPG within 5 days because I didn't have a job, but still).
I guess it doesn't help that I'm sort of at that uncomfortable transition point in my life where I don't really know what it is I'm hoping for right now. Aside from some vague and abstract aspirations for close relationships and a satisfying job - what does that all even mean, anyway? I can't really fathom what it is I'm looking for. And I have this uncomfortable thought in the back of my mind, that I'll never be truly content in that sense. Not while life could always "be better."
I don't even know if this is really what I even wanted to talk about. There are other things I would probably like to talk about and no one I want to talk to about them. I get the sense that these obsessions are a symptom of a greater frustration in my life, something that I can't really grasp with words, or am too afraid to admit in front of people in general because it'd mean that I'd actually have to deal with it, and actually give up this obsession. So I find myself in this hypocritical state of knowing that something is wrong and not wanting to fix it, but still feeling bothered enough to complain about it anyway. What is it that I'm really hoping for?
That said, I love talking about the stories of games I've played (or have no intention of playing), but I find that most people I know probably could care less. Or would tell me to move on to topics that are more important and substantial in life. I probably should, one of these days.
I guess I've always been drawn towards RPGS (and later adventure games) in general for those reasons. If anything, the more fast paced and/or competitive the gameplay became (multiplayer Starcraft, Team Fortress 2, Smash Bros. Melee, most first person shooters and platformers) - the more likely I am to burn out while playing them. And I tend to get really irritable when that happens, so I usually don't feel in the mood to play those kinds of games. Even though they can be fun sometimes.
But on the topic of stories, sometimes I get too caught up in them. Or even the idea of them. I like to let my imagination run wild sometimes with the story that's been running in my head since middle school, a story that never really ends because it's always changing and getting influenced by the next game or movie or book I'm currently obsessing over. In the same sense, sometimes I get too overly caught up in the stories of the Bible and the images they evoke more than their actual purpose. I find the stories you find in history books interesting in themselves more than the actual implications of them.
I wonder if I see stories in themselves as a form of escapism. Stories that have an end, anyway. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a story that goes without an end... or is just incomplete. Say because an author dies (Tintin and the Alph-Art, the Millennium series), or because for whatever the reason the writer(s) are not working on finishing what they started (the Chrono series, Dreamfall, Anachronox, Xeno-anything that isn't blade).
But yeah, I obsess over stories because they have an end. They resolve themselves (usually), don't leave loose ends without good reason to, and have a set structure and a sense of purpose and meaning. I don't get the sense of being stuck in limbo or aimlessly meandering when I'm reading a story I like, because I know that an end is in sight. Sometimes I will be impatient enough to spoil some detail of the ending, though, just so that I have assurance that a good ending is there. (Or else end up having to deal with something like the Mass Effect 3 debacle going on right now on the internet.)
I worry sometimes that I take this obsession too far. It's easier for me to just preoccupy myself with these stories than deal with all the other unresolved stories in my life. Life itself is just too messy and complicated to deal with sometimes, so I'd rather just relax and read this book or play this game right now and forget about everything. That's the mentality I end up falling into sometimes. I end up being unable to focus at work or when I'm with other people, because all I really want to do right now is attend to the next thing on my entertainment to-do list. I've managed to rack up 20 hours on Tales of Graces f so far, and it's only been out since Tuesday. (a far cry from middle school, where I could beat a 70 hour JRPG within 5 days because I didn't have a job, but still).
I guess it doesn't help that I'm sort of at that uncomfortable transition point in my life where I don't really know what it is I'm hoping for right now. Aside from some vague and abstract aspirations for close relationships and a satisfying job - what does that all even mean, anyway? I can't really fathom what it is I'm looking for. And I have this uncomfortable thought in the back of my mind, that I'll never be truly content in that sense. Not while life could always "be better."
I don't even know if this is really what I even wanted to talk about. There are other things I would probably like to talk about and no one I want to talk to about them. I get the sense that these obsessions are a symptom of a greater frustration in my life, something that I can't really grasp with words, or am too afraid to admit in front of people in general because it'd mean that I'd actually have to deal with it, and actually give up this obsession. So I find myself in this hypocritical state of knowing that something is wrong and not wanting to fix it, but still feeling bothered enough to complain about it anyway. What is it that I'm really hoping for?
That said, I love talking about the stories of games I've played (or have no intention of playing), but I find that most people I know probably could care less. Or would tell me to move on to topics that are more important and substantial in life. I probably should, one of these days.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Chrono medley
Random nerd video game music moment:
The 3 minutes or so of this video is the song Prisoners of Fate, from Chrono Cross. I don't really like the song that much to be honest - not a big fan of the melody, and it plays during a rather depressing part of the game. But then around 3:14, the melody from To Far Away Times (the ending song of Chrono Trigger) starts playing on top of Prisoners of Fate - and holy crap it gave me chills.
Trigger had a really lighthearted and optimistic ending, whereas Cross (when you get past the horrible pacing) pretty much attempted to show all of the things that went wrong because of it - and Mitsuda did a great job of conveying that in his music for both games. So to hear these two songs together like this... it gets to me.
(granted, hearing To Far Away Times usually makes me tear up whenever I hear it by itself anyway. >_>)
Oh, and Battle with Magus at 4:35, Frog's Theme at 5:55. They also play Trigger and Cross's main themes together at the end, which is kind of interesting since they don't usually sound like they'd combine that well.
The 3 minutes or so of this video is the song Prisoners of Fate, from Chrono Cross. I don't really like the song that much to be honest - not a big fan of the melody, and it plays during a rather depressing part of the game. But then around 3:14, the melody from To Far Away Times (the ending song of Chrono Trigger) starts playing on top of Prisoners of Fate - and holy crap it gave me chills.
Trigger had a really lighthearted and optimistic ending, whereas Cross (when you get past the horrible pacing) pretty much attempted to show all of the things that went wrong because of it - and Mitsuda did a great job of conveying that in his music for both games. So to hear these two songs together like this... it gets to me.
(granted, hearing To Far Away Times usually makes me tear up whenever I hear it by itself anyway. >_>)
Oh, and Battle with Magus at 4:35, Frog's Theme at 5:55. They also play Trigger and Cross's main themes together at the end, which is kind of interesting since they don't usually sound like they'd combine that well.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Dream Post #41
1. running through crowds and bleachers trying to avoid being kidnapped by Elan and Amir, who apparently are working for the federal government and in the process of kidnapping dozens of other people.
2. getting chastised by my mom for not serving a volleyball sincerely enough, on top of an air-inflated volleyball court that folds into ripples the size of 9 ft tidal waves.
2. getting chastised by my mom for not serving a volleyball sincerely enough, on top of an air-inflated volleyball court that folds into ripples the size of 9 ft tidal waves.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
"An elderly man was sitting alone on a dark path, right? He wasn't certain of which direction to go, and he'd forgotten both where he was traveling to and who he was. He'd sat down for a moment to rest his weary legs, and suddenly looked up to see an elderly woman before him. She grinned toothlessly and with a cackle, spoke: 'Now your *third* wish. What will it be?'"
"'Third wish?' The man was baffled. 'How can it be a third wish if I haven't had a first and second wish?'"
"'You've had two wishes already,' the hag said, 'but your second wish was for me to return everything to the way it was before you had made your first wish. That's why you remember nothing; because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes.' She cackled at the poor berk. 'So it is that you have one wish left.'"
"'All right,' said the man, "I don't believe this, but there's no harm in wishing. I wish to know who I am.'"
"'Funny,' said the old woman as she granted his wish and disappeared forever. 'That was your first wish.'"
- while playing Planescape: Torment
"'Third wish?' The man was baffled. 'How can it be a third wish if I haven't had a first and second wish?'"
"'You've had two wishes already,' the hag said, 'but your second wish was for me to return everything to the way it was before you had made your first wish. That's why you remember nothing; because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes.' She cackled at the poor berk. 'So it is that you have one wish left.'"
"'All right,' said the man, "I don't believe this, but there's no harm in wishing. I wish to know who I am.'"
"'Funny,' said the old woman as she granted his wish and disappeared forever. 'That was your first wish.'"
- while playing Planescape: Torment
Friday, March 2, 2012
senility part 2
Left my work laptop at work last night and didn't realize it until I was about to leave for work this morning, which prompted an "oh, so that's why my backpack felt so light yesterday!"
And when I got to work I found it sitting on top of my file cabinet. next to my desk. where I had left it yesterday. in plain view of my coworkers' manager's windowed office. -__-
And when I got to work I found it sitting on top of my file cabinet. next to my desk. where I had left it yesterday. in plain view of my coworkers' manager's windowed office. -__-
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