Game Stories

It occurred to me that I don't really play most games for gameplay itself so much as I do for stories - narrative experiences - and a natural sense of progression. I mean a game of Starcraft and such is fun once in a while, but back when I actually played Starcraft everyday for a couple of summers, all I played were RPG maps. Which had really simple attempts at plots, but they had the same kind of structure and progression as an actual RPG would, a sense of a journey being undertaken.

I guess I've always been drawn towards RPGS (and later adventure games) in general for those reasons. If anything, the more fast paced and/or competitive the gameplay became (multiplayer Starcraft, Team Fortress 2, Smash Bros. Melee, most first person shooters and platformers) - the more likely I am to burn out while playing them. And I tend to get really irritable when that happens, so I usually don't feel in the mood to play those kinds of games. Even though they can be fun sometimes.

But on the topic of stories, sometimes I get too caught up in them. Or even the idea of them. I like to let my imagination run wild sometimes with the story that's been running in my head since middle school, a story that never really ends because it's always changing and getting influenced by the next game or movie or book I'm currently obsessing over. In the same sense, sometimes I get too overly caught up in the stories of the Bible and the images they evoke more than their actual purpose. I find the stories you find in history books interesting in themselves more than the actual implications of them.

I wonder if I see stories in themselves as a form of escapism. Stories that have an end, anyway. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a story that goes without an end... or is just incomplete. Say because an author dies (Tintin and the Alph-Art, the Millennium series), or because for whatever the reason the writer(s) are not working on finishing what they started (the Chrono series, Dreamfall, Anachronox, Xeno-anything that isn't blade).

But yeah, I obsess over stories because they have an end. They resolve themselves (usually), don't leave loose ends without good reason to, and have a set structure and a sense of purpose and meaning. I don't get the sense of being stuck in limbo or aimlessly meandering when I'm reading a story I like, because I know that an end is in sight. Sometimes I will be impatient enough to spoil some detail of the ending, though, just so that I have assurance that a good ending is there. (Or else end up having to deal with something like the Mass Effect 3 debacle going on right now on the internet.)

I worry sometimes that I take this obsession too far. It's easier for me to just preoccupy myself with these stories than deal with all the other unresolved stories in my life. Life itself is just too messy and complicated to deal with sometimes, so I'd rather just relax and read this book or play this game right now and forget about everything. That's the mentality I end up falling into sometimes. I end up being unable to focus at work or when I'm with other people, because all I really want to do right now is attend to the next thing on my entertainment to-do list. I've managed to rack up 20 hours on Tales of Graces f so far, and it's only been out since Tuesday. (a far cry from middle school, where I could beat a 70 hour JRPG within 5 days because I didn't have a job, but still).

I guess it doesn't help that I'm sort of at that uncomfortable transition point in my life where I don't really know what it is I'm hoping for right now. Aside from some vague and abstract aspirations for close relationships and a satisfying job - what does that all even mean, anyway? I can't really fathom what it is I'm looking for. And I have this uncomfortable thought in the back of my mind, that I'll never be truly content in that sense. Not while life could always "be better."

I don't even know if this is really what I even wanted to talk about. There are other things I would probably like to talk about and no one I want to talk to about them. I get the sense that these obsessions are a symptom of a greater frustration in my life, something that I can't really grasp with words, or am too afraid to admit in front of people in general because it'd mean that I'd actually have to deal with it, and actually give up this obsession. So I find myself in this hypocritical state of knowing that something is wrong and not wanting to fix it, but still feeling bothered enough to complain about it anyway. What is it that I'm really hoping for?

That said, I love talking about the stories of games I've played (or have no intention of playing), but I find that most people I know probably could care less. Or would tell me to move on to topics that are more important and substantial in life. I probably should, one of these days.