"People need to conform the external reality they face daily with this subjective feeling they likewise experience constantly."
-- A Naked Singularity
This book makes me wish my everyday conversations were more abnormal.
It's only natural to want to give your own thoughts and feelings significance while paying less attention to others at the same time. To desire that people would acknowledge your words as meaningful and impactful even when they aren't always.
When someone asks you what the highlight of your year was and you have trouble thinking about it because what seems like a highlight to you may not be so for others. and I don't just mean that in the insecure about the worth of my experiences sense, but in the I might kinda value things differently sense. [Good question though.]
You speak of viewing things only in terms of how they affect you, and not on its own terms. Of course, we shouldn't be fear-mongering over issues that likely wouldn't ever come anywhere near us like the news cycle would suggest, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't be paying attention to it. Unless the only reason you pay attention is for that direct applicability.
I have issues conforming to things I don't fully accept even though I haven't really thought out why I don't accept them in the first place. Or why I accept the things I do allow myself to conform to.
Sometimes it'd be nice to just disappear, but it's not worth the cost of ignoring responsibilities that would matter to you in the long run.
Showing posts with label Books. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Books. Show all posts
Monday, November 10, 2014
Monday, September 29, 2014
History
Random memory: 5th grade, having just learned about Tiananmen Square, asking my mom why Communism still exists in China when "everyone knows that it's bad."
Mom's response: "It's not that simple..."
[I don't actually remember the rest of the sentence lol. Probably something about how it's really difficult to just change a government like that, because some people actually saw it as a good thing. Or maybe that's how I'd try to answer my 10-year-old self.]
I don't know how long it took me to grasp what she really meant, but looking back on it now... It's weird to be able to distinctly recall a time when you thought of things completely differently.
---
At the moment I'm currently reading A History of the Modern Middle East by Cleveland. I'll admit that I've read more excitingly narrated nonfiction books in the past, but by history textbook standards it's actually fairly interesting, and doesn't feel as dense as say People's History of the US.
A few thoughts while reading so far, which probably will not be of interest to anyone up-to-date on their history:
- This book glosses over subjects a lot faster than other nonfiction books... which is probably a given for it being a tertiary source, but still. One moment you're reading about the monarchy in Iraq for the first time, and then the next thing you know the royal family gets killed off in a sentence and it's bye-bye monarchy. Not even a word on how they died. But eh, I'm planning to read more books after this one anyway.
- This is a topic that's been addressed by Lies My Teacher Told Me (decent read by the way), but I've been realizing more how inadequate my history classes in the past have been at addressing recent events. The textbooks always tended to taper off somewhere around the Gulf Invasion, but at some point after Watergate I think my mind would just stop retaining anything that we learned... aside from Reagan=trickle-down economics, but I didn't really care by that point lol.
But moreover, I think what I really missed was the ability to make connections between the events we did learn about in class and the current events ongoing at the time. I mean, I was able to see the connections between the events we learned about during class, but take a look at the news on any given day and I'd always experience a disconnect, as if people who really were able to keep up with current events were in on something that I had no idea of... which technically was true in a way.
- Part of the reason why I'm reading about Middle East history now is because I want to get a better understanding of what's been going on in that area today and why, considering how pervasively often it's been in the news for the past decade and then some. I mean, I feel like for as long as I can remember I kinda just assumed things were messed up there... because it's always been that way (see this previous post), but when you actually start to read up on that region's history from a considerably less Western-centric view, it really starts to change how you see things.
- I used to view Islam similar to how I viewed Communism like above, but learning about it now, it's made me realize how much of a stabilizing presence it brought to the Arab peoples of the past (and to some extent presently... well that's another story). That's not to say it isn't without its own issues either, but I can see why people in the Middle East would seek out renewed forms of Islamic governance especially in response to the governments they had to deal with in the 20th century.
- To summarize the last 150 pages read... McMahon-Hussein Correspondence, Balfour Declaration, Sykes-Picot (...Britain and France really screwed things up here), skip a few and World War II, and then you have the era of Nasser and the Arab-Israeli Wars up to the June War and Nasser's fall from grace. I just reached the chapter on the 1979 Iranian Revolution, and I have to say it makes a lot more sense now knowing the general background of the decades leading up to it from Iran's perspective rather than having it turn up in the middle of nowhere during American history class. I guess that's a show of the extent of my ignorance of things up to this point.
- I would really like to play a game that simulates 20th century geopolitics. Like with the addictiveness of Civilization, the historical accuracy of Europa Universalis, and for once actually going past the World War II era that a bunch of other games seem to be preoccupied with. Well okay, I realize the caveat of these games is that the longer you play them, the further away from reality they get with all of the alternative "what-if" decisions you end up making, but still.
Or maybe I just want to watch/interact with a computer simulation that shows all of the major world events in history happen via the graphical interface of a 4X Civ/EU style game. Like a universal world replay or something that lets you zoom in on specific countries and events and directly links you to the relevant wikipedia article or whatever if you want to read more. I mean, I'm practically wikiing every major world leader I come across in my book anyway.
- Ryan will probably groan if he ever sees this haha, but some part of me wonders why I never set aside the time to take an actual history class (Race and American Film only half-counted) in college. I'm pretty sure I would've enjoyed it. Screw all those pre-med courses I took... even though I don't really regret those either.
- All of a sudden, I really want to watch Lawrence of Arabia. After I finish this book, probably.
Mom's response: "It's not that simple..."
[I don't actually remember the rest of the sentence lol. Probably something about how it's really difficult to just change a government like that, because some people actually saw it as a good thing. Or maybe that's how I'd try to answer my 10-year-old self.]
I don't know how long it took me to grasp what she really meant, but looking back on it now... It's weird to be able to distinctly recall a time when you thought of things completely differently.
---
At the moment I'm currently reading A History of the Modern Middle East by Cleveland. I'll admit that I've read more excitingly narrated nonfiction books in the past, but by history textbook standards it's actually fairly interesting, and doesn't feel as dense as say People's History of the US.
A few thoughts while reading so far, which probably will not be of interest to anyone up-to-date on their history:
- This book glosses over subjects a lot faster than other nonfiction books... which is probably a given for it being a tertiary source, but still. One moment you're reading about the monarchy in Iraq for the first time, and then the next thing you know the royal family gets killed off in a sentence and it's bye-bye monarchy. Not even a word on how they died. But eh, I'm planning to read more books after this one anyway.
- This is a topic that's been addressed by Lies My Teacher Told Me (decent read by the way), but I've been realizing more how inadequate my history classes in the past have been at addressing recent events. The textbooks always tended to taper off somewhere around the Gulf Invasion, but at some point after Watergate I think my mind would just stop retaining anything that we learned... aside from Reagan=trickle-down economics, but I didn't really care by that point lol.
But moreover, I think what I really missed was the ability to make connections between the events we did learn about in class and the current events ongoing at the time. I mean, I was able to see the connections between the events we learned about during class, but take a look at the news on any given day and I'd always experience a disconnect, as if people who really were able to keep up with current events were in on something that I had no idea of... which technically was true in a way.
- Part of the reason why I'm reading about Middle East history now is because I want to get a better understanding of what's been going on in that area today and why, considering how pervasively often it's been in the news for the past decade and then some. I mean, I feel like for as long as I can remember I kinda just assumed things were messed up there... because it's always been that way (see this previous post), but when you actually start to read up on that region's history from a considerably less Western-centric view, it really starts to change how you see things.
- I used to view Islam similar to how I viewed Communism like above, but learning about it now, it's made me realize how much of a stabilizing presence it brought to the Arab peoples of the past (and to some extent presently... well that's another story). That's not to say it isn't without its own issues either, but I can see why people in the Middle East would seek out renewed forms of Islamic governance especially in response to the governments they had to deal with in the 20th century.
- To summarize the last 150 pages read... McMahon-Hussein Correspondence, Balfour Declaration, Sykes-Picot (...Britain and France really screwed things up here), skip a few and World War II, and then you have the era of Nasser and the Arab-Israeli Wars up to the June War and Nasser's fall from grace. I just reached the chapter on the 1979 Iranian Revolution, and I have to say it makes a lot more sense now knowing the general background of the decades leading up to it from Iran's perspective rather than having it turn up in the middle of nowhere during American history class. I guess that's a show of the extent of my ignorance of things up to this point.
- I would really like to play a game that simulates 20th century geopolitics. Like with the addictiveness of Civilization, the historical accuracy of Europa Universalis, and for once actually going past the World War II era that a bunch of other games seem to be preoccupied with. Well okay, I realize the caveat of these games is that the longer you play them, the further away from reality they get with all of the alternative "what-if" decisions you end up making, but still.
Or maybe I just want to watch/interact with a computer simulation that shows all of the major world events in history happen via the graphical interface of a 4X Civ/EU style game. Like a universal world replay or something that lets you zoom in on specific countries and events and directly links you to the relevant wikipedia article or whatever if you want to read more. I mean, I'm practically wikiing every major world leader I come across in my book anyway.
- Ryan will probably groan if he ever sees this haha, but some part of me wonders why I never set aside the time to take an actual history class (Race and American Film only half-counted) in college. I'm pretty sure I would've enjoyed it. Screw all those pre-med courses I took... even though I don't really regret those either.
- All of a sudden, I really want to watch Lawrence of Arabia. After I finish this book, probably.
Monday, September 15, 2014
Lists that have stuck with me... p1
So there's a fad going around on Facebook regarding books that have stuck with you for some reason... it got me thinking more on the general basis of things that have stuck with me in general. So with no particular order in mind:
Books:
1. Regarding the Fountain by Kate Klise
For showing me that fiction doesn't have to be written in just prose. I know it's a kid's book, but it was also my first epistolary novel and I loved it so much that I lost count of the number of times that I reread it. Also, a mystery that doesn't involve murders!
2. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
For providing insight into what it's like to be mentally ill and the difficulty of trying to explain the experience to another person while you're still undergoing it. This felt especially more relevant to me during college.
3. Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky
For triggering my random obsession with Russian literature. A crazy murder setup, a crazier Ubermensch-obsessed perpetrator, some cat-and-mouse detective mind games, a moment of redemption at the crossroads, and a long ass character list. So much awesome crammed into one book.
4. The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner
For making me conscious of how easily and completely the past can consume one's thoughts years later. Not my first stream-of-consciousness book, but the first one to make me really appreciate the technique and what it could accomplish.
5. To The Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf
For teaching me the value of considering other people's perspectives. So many insightful thoughts and ideas worth pondering on here. I feel a little spoiled by reading this first, as Woolf's other novels, while great, haven't impacted me anywhere near the same level that this one did.
6. Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs by Sussman/Abelson
For making me fall in love with computer science. I would not be where I am today career-wise were it not for this book. Considering that I hadn't had any real exposure to the subject before, my mind was blown away by the concepts presented here.
7. David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
For having some of the most memorable characters and moments that I've ever experienced in literature. Also because the BBC adaptation with Maggie Smith and 10 year-old Daniel Radcliffe left quite an impression on me when I was ten. I thought I'd have hated Dickens after reading Great Expectations, but this and Oliver Twist made me realize that I'm a huge sucker for his immersive serial writing style when the characters don't actually piss me off.
8. The Demon Haunted World by Carl Sagan
For explaining the value of critical thinking and reminding me why I love science. Sagan points out of a lot of common threads that can be found in pseudoscience/fallacious viewpoints and the dangers of not maintaining healthy skepticism in the face of them. Quite an eye-opening book.
9. The Orthodox Way by Kallistos Ware
For forcing me to completely rethink my understanding of what it means to be Christian. I'm not Orthodox, but there are a lot of ideas in Orthodox theology that fundamentally make sense to me, some of which I actually feel more inclined to agree with than their Protestant counterparts. It's made me realize how much thought we take for granted within Protestant circles that might actually merit reexamination.
10. Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger
For blowing me away in its combination of depth and simplicity. Props especially for its incorporation of the Jesus Prayer from Orthodox tradition and portraying its use in a different light. I probably should've realized this after Arrested Development, but stories about dysfunctional families are actually really fascinating.
Games:
(This list will probably be familiar if you've seen/paid attention to any of my past video game posts, but eh, one more won't hurt.)
1. Pokemon (Blue, Silver/Soul Silver, Platinum, & X in particular)
So I probably haven't consumed as much time on this as some people I know ahem, but it's hard to deny that the sum total number of hours I've spent on this series is greater than almost all other game series I've played haha. Also the number of lists I've made trying to come up with teams I liked. -__-
2. Putt-Putt Travels Through Time and Spy Fox in Dry Cereal
It's hard for me to decide between the two here, but both of these Humongous games are my favorite in their respective series. They were so memorable that replaying them over and over again was really an integral part of the experience, and despite being targeted at kids, they never really felt like they were forcibly talking down to you the way some educational kids games and TV shows did. Love the quirky characters in Humongous games in general and their imaginative settings.
3. Chrono Trigger and Chrono Cross
First set of games that got me seriously into RPGs in general (Pokemon/the Mario RPGs don't really count... those were more Nintendo diversions) as well as video game stories. Just hearing some of the songs from Yasunori Mitsuda's soundtracks for both games is enough to make me emotional even today, especially To Far Away Times. And Frog from Trigger has been my avatar on every computer I've owned ever since.
4. Kingdom Hearts
For all the gripes I have with this series, the first game was something special. It's hard to imagine that someone actually thought combining Disney and Final Fantasy in a game was a good idea, and yet somehow it turned out to be massively popular. All those hours spent discussing the storyline on message boards and theorizing about the future games... one of the forums I frequented for this game ironically is the reason why I got into indie music and going to concerts, but that's a whole other story.
5. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney
First introduction to visual novels and the adventure game genre at the same time. I was looking for a murder mystery kind of game to begin with since I had a random obsession with mysteries (blame The Boxcar Children and the Clue books... yes, the Parker Brothers board game Clue spawned a children's book series) and stumbled across an article on Hardcore Gaming 101 in anticipation of the upcoming English DS release of the series. It was love at first sight.
6. Day of the Tentacle
Okay, so this is the first real grown-up point and click adventure game I played. I am still in awe of some of the puzzle solutions in this game; such a clever use of time travel object manipulation, the likes of which I wish I'd seen in Putt-Putt, though obviously it would've made that game too complicated for its target age group. Purple Tentacle was a pretty awesome villain too.
7. Planescape: Torment and Neverwinter Nights 2: Mask of the Betrayer
Two of the best stories (and settings) I've ever experienced in a video game and my introduction to Western RPGs. I really wish there were more games that aspired to this level of thematic depth... one could argue that these kinds of stories are best sought after in novels, but realistically speaking, trying to novelize Torment's story actually weakens its impact (I know... I've seen the novelization). It's all about the Choice and Consequences.
8. The Longest Journey
April Ryan is my favorite female protagonist in a game ever just because of how down-to-earth she is... in the face of being tossed into a somewhat nonsensical fantasy world. I also love how this game takes the "Chosen One" trope from typical fantasy storylines and turns it on its head.
9. Mother 3
Strange, funny, and heartrending. Lucas in the field of sunflowers. I have never wanted to cry so much while playing a freaking video game (Chrono Trigger was more after the fact than during to be honest); it's odd how both tragic and lighthearted this game is at the same time.
10. Gemini Rue and The Blackwell Epiphany
My two favorite Wadjet Eye releases thus far. Gemini Rue for exploring the relationship between our sense of self and our memories (the last series I can recall that did this was the anime Kaiba), and Blackwell for its unique take on the relationship between spirit mediums and ghosts. Blackwell kinda requires playing the first four games in the series to really appreciate, but luckily they're each fairly short (a few hours per game), and the payoff at the end is seriously worth it, which is not something I can say for a lot of other series. So many bittersweet feelings in the end.
I have plenty more where those came from, but stopping here for now.
Books:
1. Regarding the Fountain by Kate Klise
For showing me that fiction doesn't have to be written in just prose. I know it's a kid's book, but it was also my first epistolary novel and I loved it so much that I lost count of the number of times that I reread it. Also, a mystery that doesn't involve murders!
2. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
For providing insight into what it's like to be mentally ill and the difficulty of trying to explain the experience to another person while you're still undergoing it. This felt especially more relevant to me during college.
3. Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky
For triggering my random obsession with Russian literature. A crazy murder setup, a crazier Ubermensch-obsessed perpetrator, some cat-and-mouse detective mind games, a moment of redemption at the crossroads, and a long ass character list. So much awesome crammed into one book.
4. The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner
For making me conscious of how easily and completely the past can consume one's thoughts years later. Not my first stream-of-consciousness book, but the first one to make me really appreciate the technique and what it could accomplish.
5. To The Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf
For teaching me the value of considering other people's perspectives. So many insightful thoughts and ideas worth pondering on here. I feel a little spoiled by reading this first, as Woolf's other novels, while great, haven't impacted me anywhere near the same level that this one did.
6. Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs by Sussman/Abelson
For making me fall in love with computer science. I would not be where I am today career-wise were it not for this book. Considering that I hadn't had any real exposure to the subject before, my mind was blown away by the concepts presented here.
7. David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
For having some of the most memorable characters and moments that I've ever experienced in literature. Also because the BBC adaptation with Maggie Smith and 10 year-old Daniel Radcliffe left quite an impression on me when I was ten. I thought I'd have hated Dickens after reading Great Expectations, but this and Oliver Twist made me realize that I'm a huge sucker for his immersive serial writing style when the characters don't actually piss me off.
8. The Demon Haunted World by Carl Sagan
For explaining the value of critical thinking and reminding me why I love science. Sagan points out of a lot of common threads that can be found in pseudoscience/fallacious viewpoints and the dangers of not maintaining healthy skepticism in the face of them. Quite an eye-opening book.
9. The Orthodox Way by Kallistos Ware
For forcing me to completely rethink my understanding of what it means to be Christian. I'm not Orthodox, but there are a lot of ideas in Orthodox theology that fundamentally make sense to me, some of which I actually feel more inclined to agree with than their Protestant counterparts. It's made me realize how much thought we take for granted within Protestant circles that might actually merit reexamination.
10. Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger
For blowing me away in its combination of depth and simplicity. Props especially for its incorporation of the Jesus Prayer from Orthodox tradition and portraying its use in a different light. I probably should've realized this after Arrested Development, but stories about dysfunctional families are actually really fascinating.
Games:
(This list will probably be familiar if you've seen/paid attention to any of my past video game posts, but eh, one more won't hurt.)
1. Pokemon (Blue, Silver/Soul Silver, Platinum, & X in particular)
So I probably haven't consumed as much time on this as some people I know ahem, but it's hard to deny that the sum total number of hours I've spent on this series is greater than almost all other game series I've played haha. Also the number of lists I've made trying to come up with teams I liked. -__-
2. Putt-Putt Travels Through Time and Spy Fox in Dry Cereal
It's hard for me to decide between the two here, but both of these Humongous games are my favorite in their respective series. They were so memorable that replaying them over and over again was really an integral part of the experience, and despite being targeted at kids, they never really felt like they were forcibly talking down to you the way some educational kids games and TV shows did. Love the quirky characters in Humongous games in general and their imaginative settings.
3. Chrono Trigger and Chrono Cross
First set of games that got me seriously into RPGs in general (Pokemon/the Mario RPGs don't really count... those were more Nintendo diversions) as well as video game stories. Just hearing some of the songs from Yasunori Mitsuda's soundtracks for both games is enough to make me emotional even today, especially To Far Away Times. And Frog from Trigger has been my avatar on every computer I've owned ever since.
4. Kingdom Hearts
For all the gripes I have with this series, the first game was something special. It's hard to imagine that someone actually thought combining Disney and Final Fantasy in a game was a good idea, and yet somehow it turned out to be massively popular. All those hours spent discussing the storyline on message boards and theorizing about the future games... one of the forums I frequented for this game ironically is the reason why I got into indie music and going to concerts, but that's a whole other story.
5. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney
First introduction to visual novels and the adventure game genre at the same time. I was looking for a murder mystery kind of game to begin with since I had a random obsession with mysteries (blame The Boxcar Children and the Clue books... yes, the Parker Brothers board game Clue spawned a children's book series) and stumbled across an article on Hardcore Gaming 101 in anticipation of the upcoming English DS release of the series. It was love at first sight.
6. Day of the Tentacle
Okay, so this is the first real grown-up point and click adventure game I played. I am still in awe of some of the puzzle solutions in this game; such a clever use of time travel object manipulation, the likes of which I wish I'd seen in Putt-Putt, though obviously it would've made that game too complicated for its target age group. Purple Tentacle was a pretty awesome villain too.
7. Planescape: Torment and Neverwinter Nights 2: Mask of the Betrayer
Two of the best stories (and settings) I've ever experienced in a video game and my introduction to Western RPGs. I really wish there were more games that aspired to this level of thematic depth... one could argue that these kinds of stories are best sought after in novels, but realistically speaking, trying to novelize Torment's story actually weakens its impact (I know... I've seen the novelization). It's all about the Choice and Consequences.
8. The Longest Journey
April Ryan is my favorite female protagonist in a game ever just because of how down-to-earth she is... in the face of being tossed into a somewhat nonsensical fantasy world. I also love how this game takes the "Chosen One" trope from typical fantasy storylines and turns it on its head.
9. Mother 3
Strange, funny, and heartrending. Lucas in the field of sunflowers. I have never wanted to cry so much while playing a freaking video game (Chrono Trigger was more after the fact than during to be honest); it's odd how both tragic and lighthearted this game is at the same time.
10. Gemini Rue and The Blackwell Epiphany
My two favorite Wadjet Eye releases thus far. Gemini Rue for exploring the relationship between our sense of self and our memories (the last series I can recall that did this was the anime Kaiba), and Blackwell for its unique take on the relationship between spirit mediums and ghosts. Blackwell kinda requires playing the first four games in the series to really appreciate, but luckily they're each fairly short (a few hours per game), and the payoff at the end is seriously worth it, which is not something I can say for a lot of other series. So many bittersweet feelings in the end.
I have plenty more where those came from, but stopping here for now.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
goodreads
Just a random plug for goodreads, that social network I use for tracking books (...since I have a site for everything).
goodreads is awesome and I wish I had more friends who actively used it soI could stalk their reading behavior I mean discover more awesome book recommendations. Ever since Eric randomly convinced me to start writing reviews there (because "stars are meh"), I haven't really done book posts on this blog in a while since it'd probably be redundant, and I don't really foresee it happening again in the future, unless I read a book that triggers such emotion that it ends up overflowing onto here or something. I like reading friend's impressions of books though, even if they're just brief one-liners.
I usually go on book binges during family vacations because we end up having a lot of downtime (or my family is just lazy), and this trip has been no different. 4 books down, how many more to go...
Done:
The Wind in the Willows
Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell
No god but God: The Origins, Evolution, and Future of Islam
The Count of Monte Cristo
On the immediate backlog:
Lies My Teacher Told Me
A History of the Modern Middle East
Othello
The Fall of Hyperion
Norwegian Wood
War and Peace
Redwall
Jesus and the Victory of God (v2 of N.T. Wright's series)
Infinite Jest
The Known World
House of Leaves
A Naked Singularity
If it isn't clear, I've been leaning towards the heavy stuff this year. Let's roll!
goodreads is awesome and I wish I had more friends who actively used it so
I usually go on book binges during family vacations because we end up having a lot of downtime (or my family is just lazy), and this trip has been no different. 4 books down, how many more to go...
Done:
The Wind in the Willows
Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell
No god but God: The Origins, Evolution, and Future of Islam
The Count of Monte Cristo
On the immediate backlog:
Lies My Teacher Told Me
A History of the Modern Middle East
Othello
The Fall of Hyperion
Norwegian Wood
War and Peace
Redwall
Jesus and the Victory of God (v2 of N.T. Wright's series)
Infinite Jest
The Known World
House of Leaves
A Naked Singularity
If it isn't clear, I've been leaning towards the heavy stuff this year. Let's roll!
Thursday, May 29, 2014
flaws and fallacies
So recently I started reading this nonfiction book (that you may have heard of as it's been popular as of recent years - how I heard of it I don't remember) called Thinking, Fast and Slow. It's a pretty fascinating take on the psychology behind the mental processes we use to make decisions in everyday life, which the author, Daniel Kahneman, characterizes as two agents or systems. System 1, the fast thinker, is prone to make automatic judgments without you realizing it and falls along the lines of what most people would call intuition, whereas System 2, the slow thinker, is more deliberate and takes effect when you're actually conscious of what you're thinking about. Most people regularly rely on both systems on an everyday basis in decision-making, but often don't realize how often their System 1 factors into that process, particularly when it leads them to faulty or irrational conclusions that they might not have otherwise if they'd actually employed their System 2 more.
The book itself spends a good deal of time elaborating on other mental/logical fallacies that often emerge as a result of both systems and their interaction with each other. A lot of it may come across as surprising, though perhaps less so particularly if you're already familiar with statistics/probability, as a good number of fallacies are related to that subject and how often people will ignore statistical conclusions even when they've been convinced of their validity in favor of continuing to satisfy their own personal biases (but what else is new, really). I could go on about it more but I'll leave it at it's a pretty enlightening read so go read it and yada yada.
About a month ago it was suggested to me that I'd been giving off this impression as if I were fed up with incompetence in the world (not sure if that was the exact word but it was along those lines) To be honest, I hadn't really thought of it that way before, but my immediate reaction was of spontaneous immediate agreement- I mean seriously, why is there so much incompetence in the world?- while neglecting to mention the second half of what I was really feeling- "and why do I feel like I'm just contributing to it?"
The flaws and mental fallacies that Kahneman brought up in his book struck a similar chord along that train of thought, for I couldn't help but feel incredibly annoyed and moreover pissed off while reading about them. Defects coming from people who essentially were unwilling to admit their own mistakes, satisfied with continuing to live in a fantasy world that catered to their own preconceived beliefs and immediate experiences, while rewriting other contrary facts and findings in their own minds so that it could fit whatever bullshit yet coherent story or interpretation that they came up with in their heads. (Okay, I'll admit that's a rather pessimistic way of interpreting Kahneman's book thus far.) Even though these are flaws that pretty much EVERYONE is susceptible to at some point in their lives or even regularly... but that notion just frustrated me even further.
We live such messed up, imperfect lives, it's a wonder we're able to still live and marvel at the simplest things, the beautiful (and not-so-beautiful) things, and get by day-to-day as if our lives aren't... really so imperfect. I look at all of the evidence I've been coming across of the ways in which people and the world around them don't entirely function the way that they should... the way that they ought to... the way that they feel like they should or ought to... and it just brings about an overwhelming sense of confusion and disbelief. To look at a problem in the world today and have this sense that this didn't have to happen; if only people actually communicated and empathized with each other and tried to focus on something beyond themselves for once, looked at the bigger picture, examined their own thoughts and motivations and actions and took responsibility for their own mistakes and shortcomings. But one can only hope for so much sometimes from a selfish and (to use a term parents mentioned from the weekend) "stiff-necked" species, in which these faults are almost essentially programmed from birth. There's no avoiding it.
And to see some of these same glaring defects in my own self on a regular basis, and find myself starting to grow apathetic about it because I too have that innately selfish part of me that doesn't really want to give a shit about it anymore. I see how I'm also a part of the problem I complain about, but I'm paralyzed by my own self-centered desire to settle for the status quo, a hedonistic life focused on the day-to-day to maybe even the next few months that doesn't have to worry about the long term plan because it's tired of people asking "when are you going to get a _____" (insert topic of choice here) and "what do you really want to achieve with your life?" I mean, I'm still too mentally busy being hung up on "why is this world the way it is?" and "what if that question doesn't have a real answer?" when I'm conscious enough to be bothered by it.
...
Anyone reading this who's been in or around an Intervarsity-related community is probably familiar with a book called True Story, which often gets recommended as a summer read in those circles due to its accessible message regarding how to reach out to others in a society that is becoming increasingly hostile to [the largely Protestant evangelical brand of] Christianity itself, which makes it pretty relevant application-wise. The book espouses a 4 circle diagram intended as a more sophisticated update to the bridge diagram that I'm guessing most evangelical Christians have probably been exposed to at some point in their lives (in my case it was elementary school), and I've personally seen two different communities that both happened to set up trainings of some sort teaching people how to engage others using the 4 circle diagram- aka how to draw it from scratch.
The diagram itself is nice in that it provides a structured way of explaining the basic idea of the Christian worldview to anyone who isn't familiar with it or perhaps even has a misconception of what it is Christians actually believe and why they would believe it. But as with any diagram or model that people come up with, it doesn't quite suffice as a satisfactory answer to all of the questions an outsider might have, particularly anyone who's given serious thought to this. (from a logic standpoint, I imagine one might take issue with the claim, "Just like hunger points to food and thirst points to water, so our universal ache for a better world means that such a world either once existed or will one day exist.") And I'm not entirely sure whether it suffices for the believer sharing the message itself- it probably varies on how much or well that person already understands their own faith and its implications. But the impression I got from seeing the enthusiastic push to have this diagram taught and spread in both communities was that people are willing to settle for a story that makes sense to them, even if it doesn't fit with or capture some or all of the details. And that isn't just limited to Christian circles either; I'm pretty sure that's applicable to everyone at some point.
And that happens to be the same message that Thinking Fast, and Slow expresses: our tendency to create stories in our heads that satisfy both the evidence we see before us and our own direct, personal experiences, when oftentimes there just isn't really enough information to form a realistic or universally accurate impression of that sort. And then we judge the validity of the stories we create by how coherent they are in themselves rather than how well they address all of those details, finding it easier instead to ignore the small things that don't conform to the story we're satisfied with, if needed.
To be honest, I often feel the same way about the Christian story itself. It can be told well, and it is internally coherent enough to satisfy at least some of those people who are feeling empty about their lives, upset by life circumstances and the failings of their own nature. The gospel is meant to be a message that saves, to preach good news to the poor and proclaim liberty to the captives, and recover sight to the blind and set free those who are oppressed. It's really an uplifting story. But to really accept it, to accept the Bible in the form which it's been presented, one has to learn to cope with a lot of added baggage: internal contradictions, flaws and fallacies, persecution and injustice borne about both outside and within, and often because of the church, established denominations divided among themselves in the most basic of doctrines and subject to bureaucratic powers, all of which came about as the result of human error and wrongdoing and misguided and often ill-informed intentions. For God so loved the world that he evidently chose a selfish, stubborn, prone to error and ultimately imperfect human species to help carry out his will upon the earth, presumably fully knowing of the consequences that would entail.
People in the communities I've been a part of are prone to look at those outside as lost, as misguided, as being without hope, and while that line of thinking does seem to naturally follow from the story that has been presented, it has never really sat right with me. Who are we to judge other lifestyles, other beliefs and worldviews, other experiences, and other existences in that fashion if we haven't experienced the weight of those lives ourselves? And yet we act as though our intuition based solely on our own immediate experiences about these issues is enough, in some cases perhaps without even realizing it.
Dear God, this is what I mean when I tell you that I'm not satisfied... but I'm still hoping to be surprised.
The book itself spends a good deal of time elaborating on other mental/logical fallacies that often emerge as a result of both systems and their interaction with each other. A lot of it may come across as surprising, though perhaps less so particularly if you're already familiar with statistics/probability, as a good number of fallacies are related to that subject and how often people will ignore statistical conclusions even when they've been convinced of their validity in favor of continuing to satisfy their own personal biases (but what else is new, really). I could go on about it more but I'll leave it at it's a pretty enlightening read so go read it and yada yada.
About a month ago it was suggested to me that I'd been giving off this impression as if I were fed up with incompetence in the world (not sure if that was the exact word but it was along those lines) To be honest, I hadn't really thought of it that way before, but my immediate reaction was of spontaneous immediate agreement- I mean seriously, why is there so much incompetence in the world?- while neglecting to mention the second half of what I was really feeling- "and why do I feel like I'm just contributing to it?"
The flaws and mental fallacies that Kahneman brought up in his book struck a similar chord along that train of thought, for I couldn't help but feel incredibly annoyed and moreover pissed off while reading about them. Defects coming from people who essentially were unwilling to admit their own mistakes, satisfied with continuing to live in a fantasy world that catered to their own preconceived beliefs and immediate experiences, while rewriting other contrary facts and findings in their own minds so that it could fit whatever bullshit yet coherent story or interpretation that they came up with in their heads. (Okay, I'll admit that's a rather pessimistic way of interpreting Kahneman's book thus far.) Even though these are flaws that pretty much EVERYONE is susceptible to at some point in their lives or even regularly... but that notion just frustrated me even further.
We live such messed up, imperfect lives, it's a wonder we're able to still live and marvel at the simplest things, the beautiful (and not-so-beautiful) things, and get by day-to-day as if our lives aren't... really so imperfect. I look at all of the evidence I've been coming across of the ways in which people and the world around them don't entirely function the way that they should... the way that they ought to... the way that they feel like they should or ought to... and it just brings about an overwhelming sense of confusion and disbelief. To look at a problem in the world today and have this sense that this didn't have to happen; if only people actually communicated and empathized with each other and tried to focus on something beyond themselves for once, looked at the bigger picture, examined their own thoughts and motivations and actions and took responsibility for their own mistakes and shortcomings. But one can only hope for so much sometimes from a selfish and (to use a term parents mentioned from the weekend) "stiff-necked" species, in which these faults are almost essentially programmed from birth. There's no avoiding it.
And to see some of these same glaring defects in my own self on a regular basis, and find myself starting to grow apathetic about it because I too have that innately selfish part of me that doesn't really want to give a shit about it anymore. I see how I'm also a part of the problem I complain about, but I'm paralyzed by my own self-centered desire to settle for the status quo, a hedonistic life focused on the day-to-day to maybe even the next few months that doesn't have to worry about the long term plan because it's tired of people asking "when are you going to get a _____" (insert topic of choice here) and "what do you really want to achieve with your life?" I mean, I'm still too mentally busy being hung up on "why is this world the way it is?" and "what if that question doesn't have a real answer?" when I'm conscious enough to be bothered by it.
...
Anyone reading this who's been in or around an Intervarsity-related community is probably familiar with a book called True Story, which often gets recommended as a summer read in those circles due to its accessible message regarding how to reach out to others in a society that is becoming increasingly hostile to [the largely Protestant evangelical brand of] Christianity itself, which makes it pretty relevant application-wise. The book espouses a 4 circle diagram intended as a more sophisticated update to the bridge diagram that I'm guessing most evangelical Christians have probably been exposed to at some point in their lives (in my case it was elementary school), and I've personally seen two different communities that both happened to set up trainings of some sort teaching people how to engage others using the 4 circle diagram- aka how to draw it from scratch.
The diagram itself is nice in that it provides a structured way of explaining the basic idea of the Christian worldview to anyone who isn't familiar with it or perhaps even has a misconception of what it is Christians actually believe and why they would believe it. But as with any diagram or model that people come up with, it doesn't quite suffice as a satisfactory answer to all of the questions an outsider might have, particularly anyone who's given serious thought to this. (from a logic standpoint, I imagine one might take issue with the claim, "Just like hunger points to food and thirst points to water, so our universal ache for a better world means that such a world either once existed or will one day exist.") And I'm not entirely sure whether it suffices for the believer sharing the message itself- it probably varies on how much or well that person already understands their own faith and its implications. But the impression I got from seeing the enthusiastic push to have this diagram taught and spread in both communities was that people are willing to settle for a story that makes sense to them, even if it doesn't fit with or capture some or all of the details. And that isn't just limited to Christian circles either; I'm pretty sure that's applicable to everyone at some point.
And that happens to be the same message that Thinking Fast, and Slow expresses: our tendency to create stories in our heads that satisfy both the evidence we see before us and our own direct, personal experiences, when oftentimes there just isn't really enough information to form a realistic or universally accurate impression of that sort. And then we judge the validity of the stories we create by how coherent they are in themselves rather than how well they address all of those details, finding it easier instead to ignore the small things that don't conform to the story we're satisfied with, if needed.
To be honest, I often feel the same way about the Christian story itself. It can be told well, and it is internally coherent enough to satisfy at least some of those people who are feeling empty about their lives, upset by life circumstances and the failings of their own nature. The gospel is meant to be a message that saves, to preach good news to the poor and proclaim liberty to the captives, and recover sight to the blind and set free those who are oppressed. It's really an uplifting story. But to really accept it, to accept the Bible in the form which it's been presented, one has to learn to cope with a lot of added baggage: internal contradictions, flaws and fallacies, persecution and injustice borne about both outside and within, and often because of the church, established denominations divided among themselves in the most basic of doctrines and subject to bureaucratic powers, all of which came about as the result of human error and wrongdoing and misguided and often ill-informed intentions. For God so loved the world that he evidently chose a selfish, stubborn, prone to error and ultimately imperfect human species to help carry out his will upon the earth, presumably fully knowing of the consequences that would entail.
People in the communities I've been a part of are prone to look at those outside as lost, as misguided, as being without hope, and while that line of thinking does seem to naturally follow from the story that has been presented, it has never really sat right with me. Who are we to judge other lifestyles, other beliefs and worldviews, other experiences, and other existences in that fashion if we haven't experienced the weight of those lives ourselves? And yet we act as though our intuition based solely on our own immediate experiences about these issues is enough, in some cases perhaps without even realizing it.
Dear God, this is what I mean when I tell you that I'm not satisfied... but I'm still hoping to be surprised.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
restless
I've had several posts in the works this past month or so, but none of them have really come to fruition. I haven't really been a mood for posting anything I write lately, mainly because perhaps there isn't much more to really write about that I haven't written before. It follows along with what I tend to say nowadays when people ask me about work: "work is work." And most of my time spent outside of work now is spent preoccupying myself with something or the other while skirting over whatever it is I intend to write about now. Which I don't really know yet, other than the fact that I can't sleep right now and don't really have the willpower to do anything else.
I don't remember if I mentioned it here before, but earlier this year I considered the possibility of seeing a therapist. Partly just cause it's nice to be able to talk about your problems for once without having to worry about infringing on someone else's time (since... that's what a therapist's job is, anyway), and partly because maybe I just really needed to be able to fully talk to someone for once. I never acted on that impulse, but I'm considering it again. I think going on for too long without addressing what your problems actually are is unhealthy and life-draining in the long run, or at least that's how it's been from personal experience.
When I'm conscious enough to notice it, I struggle with a number of insecurities about myself and a latent sense of anxiety, I guess. This year in particular, I've noticed it's led me to start internally (I don't think I let it on externally... much) making a big deal out of little things or take a situation out of proportion or sometimes go out of my way to do something I wouldn't normally do. Something as minor as someone not responding right away (screw instant messaging and its "seen at" notifications) is enough to bother me more than need be, or being next to someone continuously engaged in some conversation on their phone, or other circumstances not worth describing here.
And after a while, these kinds of unhealthy responses and the thoughts that motivate them lead to a warped view of the world. I don't know if I've ever felt so negative about people in general (at least in large groups) before, or so averse to being around them. It's almost as if I automatically assume the worst of anyone I don't really know (or used to know). Every little disappointment- because for some stupid reason I sometimes feel disappointed talking to people- just contributes to this damaging cynical mindset. As much as I wish I could be amiable in general, it's difficult when I'm not really feeling it a lot of the time.
The disappointment comes from people not conforming to the idealistic situations I might imagine in my head, or in those recent psychological dreams I've had that I've been too embarrassed to write about; from the responses I might hope to see but don't because a conversation just cuts short; from what I sense as a lack of total honesty from the person in front of me; from the realization of how much I dislike modern-day social conventions; from some missing quality in myself that prevents me from calling out whatever it is I'm not seeing and trying to making something of it.
And that's just... one kind of insecurity, actually. There's also the subtle feeling in the back of my mind that I'm totally inefficient at what I do; that I'm not living up to whatever it is I'd hoped to live up to in the past; and that I feel apathetic now about addressing a lot of the problems I see in myself and in life. A lot of the resolutions I looked forward to or attempted at earlier this year have fallen flat, and I just seem to be unable to commit myself to much of anything I want to. These days I tend to feel mentally lost and aimless... and prone to bouts of tiredness and headaches whenever I try to fix my sleeping schedule apparently. Technology isn't really helping me here.
Of course, at the end of the day I find myself incapable of articulating this to anyone... or perhaps I don't even want to, as it doesn't really come up in my head except for when I'm not talking to anyone. You would have to force me to confess, and then I'd have to think about it first because my mind doesn't work the same way in social conversation as it does when writing here or actively reflecting, and then maybe I'll feel comfortable enough to say something if no one else is around. And I'm just describing another one of those ideal situations in my head again. The reality is probably rather different.
And that was my attempt to somehow diagnose why my mind won't let me sleep without really going into explicit detail. I don't feel like I got very far... which is why I should probably carry through with that therapist thought sometime. Maybe.
consumption of late:
- Book: Anna Karenina, that Tolstoy novel about a woman and a man who commit adultery (and the repercussions of it which go on for another 700+ pages...). Tolstoy has a knack for putting into succinct words the complexity of social mannerisms and all of the mind games that people go through when they find themselves in this kind of a situation. And of course there's a bunch of other stuff that he has to say about Russian society in the 1900's and other topics like horseback racing and farming and the proletariat and so on that are probably tangential at best to the subject of the novel, but I guess that's Tolstoy for you. I'll start A Dance with Dragons as soon as I finish this...
- TV Show: The Venture Brothers. Starts out as a parody of the Johnny Quest cartoon series (what if the boy adventurer grew up and had his own kids... and got overshadowed by his own life) but then slowly becomes something much more than that. I caught up with the most recent season the other day and now I'm in the wait for the long haul now. The first season took some getting used to, but over the course of the ones that followed, the show shot up to becoming my favorite cartoon, even beating The Last Airbender (although granted, they're different genres). I might say that it reminds me of Archer, except with much nerdier humor and a more fully developed mythology behind the scenes. I'm starting to realize how much I love backstory in TV shows; it works surprisingly well here even though it's a comedy series.
- Games: Pokemon X, and then Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies. I kinda binge-marathoned through both of these in a span of about two weeks; I mentioned Pokemon in my last post already. The new Ace Attorney game was less about Phoenix than it really was about Apollo and Athena, but the seeing them all work together in their new law agency was a bit refreshing and I have high hopes for the future of the series. Found the game overall stronger than Apollo Justice, although in part because Apollo finally gets some much needed development here.
- Musicals: Evita in LA, Beautiful in SF.
Evita is an Andrew Lloyd Webber classic... and to be honest, I'm not hugely into his stuff compared to other composers. I had trouble paying attention during the first half owing to lack of familiarity with the story of Eva Peron (which a quick wiki during the intermission fixed), but I enjoyed it nonetheless overall. Couldn't help humming Don't Cry For Me Argentina for a while.
Beautiful is the new Carole King musical that debuted in SF and is coming to Broadway later. The style reminded me a bit of Jersey Boys (same-ish era, same-ish concept of singing classic old songs while going through the history of the artist), and I was surprised at how many of the songs I did recognize considering I didn't know much about Carole King before. Great for any oldies fan.
And that's it. Good night.
I don't remember if I mentioned it here before, but earlier this year I considered the possibility of seeing a therapist. Partly just cause it's nice to be able to talk about your problems for once without having to worry about infringing on someone else's time (since... that's what a therapist's job is, anyway), and partly because maybe I just really needed to be able to fully talk to someone for once. I never acted on that impulse, but I'm considering it again. I think going on for too long without addressing what your problems actually are is unhealthy and life-draining in the long run, or at least that's how it's been from personal experience.
When I'm conscious enough to notice it, I struggle with a number of insecurities about myself and a latent sense of anxiety, I guess. This year in particular, I've noticed it's led me to start internally (I don't think I let it on externally... much) making a big deal out of little things or take a situation out of proportion or sometimes go out of my way to do something I wouldn't normally do. Something as minor as someone not responding right away (screw instant messaging and its "seen at" notifications) is enough to bother me more than need be, or being next to someone continuously engaged in some conversation on their phone, or other circumstances not worth describing here.
And after a while, these kinds of unhealthy responses and the thoughts that motivate them lead to a warped view of the world. I don't know if I've ever felt so negative about people in general (at least in large groups) before, or so averse to being around them. It's almost as if I automatically assume the worst of anyone I don't really know (or used to know). Every little disappointment- because for some stupid reason I sometimes feel disappointed talking to people- just contributes to this damaging cynical mindset. As much as I wish I could be amiable in general, it's difficult when I'm not really feeling it a lot of the time.
The disappointment comes from people not conforming to the idealistic situations I might imagine in my head, or in those recent psychological dreams I've had that I've been too embarrassed to write about; from the responses I might hope to see but don't because a conversation just cuts short; from what I sense as a lack of total honesty from the person in front of me; from the realization of how much I dislike modern-day social conventions; from some missing quality in myself that prevents me from calling out whatever it is I'm not seeing and trying to making something of it.
And that's just... one kind of insecurity, actually. There's also the subtle feeling in the back of my mind that I'm totally inefficient at what I do; that I'm not living up to whatever it is I'd hoped to live up to in the past; and that I feel apathetic now about addressing a lot of the problems I see in myself and in life. A lot of the resolutions I looked forward to or attempted at earlier this year have fallen flat, and I just seem to be unable to commit myself to much of anything I want to. These days I tend to feel mentally lost and aimless... and prone to bouts of tiredness and headaches whenever I try to fix my sleeping schedule apparently. Technology isn't really helping me here.
Of course, at the end of the day I find myself incapable of articulating this to anyone... or perhaps I don't even want to, as it doesn't really come up in my head except for when I'm not talking to anyone. You would have to force me to confess, and then I'd have to think about it first because my mind doesn't work the same way in social conversation as it does when writing here or actively reflecting, and then maybe I'll feel comfortable enough to say something if no one else is around. And I'm just describing another one of those ideal situations in my head again. The reality is probably rather different.
And that was my attempt to somehow diagnose why my mind won't let me sleep without really going into explicit detail. I don't feel like I got very far... which is why I should probably carry through with that therapist thought sometime. Maybe.
consumption of late:
- Book: Anna Karenina, that Tolstoy novel about a woman and a man who commit adultery (and the repercussions of it which go on for another 700+ pages...). Tolstoy has a knack for putting into succinct words the complexity of social mannerisms and all of the mind games that people go through when they find themselves in this kind of a situation. And of course there's a bunch of other stuff that he has to say about Russian society in the 1900's and other topics like horseback racing and farming and the proletariat and so on that are probably tangential at best to the subject of the novel, but I guess that's Tolstoy for you. I'll start A Dance with Dragons as soon as I finish this...
- TV Show: The Venture Brothers. Starts out as a parody of the Johnny Quest cartoon series (what if the boy adventurer grew up and had his own kids... and got overshadowed by his own life) but then slowly becomes something much more than that. I caught up with the most recent season the other day and now I'm in the wait for the long haul now. The first season took some getting used to, but over the course of the ones that followed, the show shot up to becoming my favorite cartoon, even beating The Last Airbender (although granted, they're different genres). I might say that it reminds me of Archer, except with much nerdier humor and a more fully developed mythology behind the scenes. I'm starting to realize how much I love backstory in TV shows; it works surprisingly well here even though it's a comedy series.
- Games: Pokemon X, and then Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies. I kinda binge-marathoned through both of these in a span of about two weeks; I mentioned Pokemon in my last post already. The new Ace Attorney game was less about Phoenix than it really was about Apollo and Athena, but the seeing them all work together in their new law agency was a bit refreshing and I have high hopes for the future of the series. Found the game overall stronger than Apollo Justice, although in part because Apollo finally gets some much needed development here.
- Musicals: Evita in LA, Beautiful in SF.
Evita is an Andrew Lloyd Webber classic... and to be honest, I'm not hugely into his stuff compared to other composers. I had trouble paying attention during the first half owing to lack of familiarity with the story of Eva Peron (which a quick wiki during the intermission fixed), but I enjoyed it nonetheless overall. Couldn't help humming Don't Cry For Me Argentina for a while.
Beautiful is the new Carole King musical that debuted in SF and is coming to Broadway later. The style reminded me a bit of Jersey Boys (same-ish era, same-ish concept of singing classic old songs while going through the history of the artist), and I was surprised at how many of the songs I did recognize considering I didn't know much about Carole King before. Great for any oldies fan.
And that's it. Good night.
Monday, September 23, 2013
A reminder
that the number of experiences I have to be thankful for far exceed the number of personal disappointments in my life. It's easy to forget sometimes.
Thanks for the past few days.
---
I was about to write something about experiencing anxiety with regards to the "appropriate" way to act in certain situations, but when it came down to it, I realized it really was more about not wanting to be embarrassed. Because I've never really been able to deal well with embarrassing situations borne unintentionally from my own actions and mistakes, and my ego won't allow me to expose myself to anything that might pose that kind of a risk in front of people I'm not as close to. Or even my own family. (hence why I refused to let my mom to teach me Indonesian when I was younger, and why I became so reticent growing up. I couldn't stand it when my family would make fun of me, let alone other people.)
The real me is a lot more vulnerable and easily flustered than whatever image I seem to be putting up in front of the people I know nowadays. Oftentimes now, I feel like I'm coming across as distant or "sophisticated" or stoic or whatever term would come to mind there, and it's probably hindered me a lot from the kind of meaningful relationships I wish I were experiencing more often nowadays. Sometimes you just need to be open to embarrassing yourself in public every once in a while.
I might come to regret that statement later. -_-
---
Things to look forward to:
- next installment of Phoenix Wright coming out next month! Download only for 3DS, but still. (and then Layton vs. Phoenix Wright next year! and the ongoing translation of the Miles Edgeworth 2!) and Pokemon too I guess.
- the weekly's: Breaking Bad, Legend of Korra, One Piece. BrBa finale this Sunday!!
- New York this weekend!!!
- West End production of Merrily We Roll Along in theaters next month!
- going home at the end of the month to see Evita in LA with the brother! And maybe pick up a thing or two.
- finally reading A Dance with Dragons at the end of the month because I've been waiting for the paperback version to come out for ages. and lots of books I've been meaning to get to in general.
- living in the moment. still a work in progress, as I'm so prone to getting caught up mentally in other things.
---
Aside: I like how my two line post winds up being the most viewed post ever on this blog. About a TV show, no less. Maybe I should just stick to tumblr-style quick posts.
(Just kidding... that's what tumblr is for.)
Thanks for the past few days.
---
I was about to write something about experiencing anxiety with regards to the "appropriate" way to act in certain situations, but when it came down to it, I realized it really was more about not wanting to be embarrassed. Because I've never really been able to deal well with embarrassing situations borne unintentionally from my own actions and mistakes, and my ego won't allow me to expose myself to anything that might pose that kind of a risk in front of people I'm not as close to. Or even my own family. (hence why I refused to let my mom to teach me Indonesian when I was younger, and why I became so reticent growing up. I couldn't stand it when my family would make fun of me, let alone other people.)
The real me is a lot more vulnerable and easily flustered than whatever image I seem to be putting up in front of the people I know nowadays. Oftentimes now, I feel like I'm coming across as distant or "sophisticated" or stoic or whatever term would come to mind there, and it's probably hindered me a lot from the kind of meaningful relationships I wish I were experiencing more often nowadays. Sometimes you just need to be open to embarrassing yourself in public every once in a while.
I might come to regret that statement later. -_-
---
Things to look forward to:
- next installment of Phoenix Wright coming out next month! Download only for 3DS, but still. (and then Layton vs. Phoenix Wright next year! and the ongoing translation of the Miles Edgeworth 2!) and Pokemon too I guess.
- the weekly's: Breaking Bad, Legend of Korra, One Piece. BrBa finale this Sunday!!
- New York this weekend!!!
- West End production of Merrily We Roll Along in theaters next month!
- going home at the end of the month to see Evita in LA with the brother! And maybe pick up a thing or two.
- finally reading A Dance with Dragons at the end of the month because I've been waiting for the paperback version to come out for ages. and lots of books I've been meaning to get to in general.
- living in the moment. still a work in progress, as I'm so prone to getting caught up mentally in other things.
---
Aside: I like how my two line post winds up being the most viewed post ever on this blog. About a TV show, no less. Maybe I should just stick to tumblr-style quick posts.
(Just kidding... that's what tumblr is for.)
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
ドナルド
I felt like writing something but it's already too late and time to go to bed. I guess for now I'll just say that I'm finally indulging my long latent obsession with Donald Duck and all things related to the Duck universe with a healthy starting smattering of DuckTales episodes and Carl Barks comics.
It is also partly for this reason that if I had a son I would want to name him Donald, apart from the fact that I like the name so much already. Except given my propensity for appending names with the sound of or suffix -y (which certain people like to exaggerate to no end... stupid MyListy and Ryany) I would probably call him Donny all the time.
...yeah, the prerequisite for any future child names is that they can't sound bad with the -y suffix. I've already started a list in my head.
(Back when I used to be obsessed with Kingdom Hearts and tried looking up news on the Japanese sites, Donald's name in katakana was one of the first things I'd notice. and hence, the post title.)
((For the record, despite what random people, including this one Japanese lady in Japantown, have thought, I am not Japanese. My last name doesn't spell correctly for it to be Japanese anyway.))
It is also partly for this reason that if I had a son I would want to name him Donald, apart from the fact that I like the name so much already. Except given my propensity for appending names with the sound of or suffix -y (which certain people like to exaggerate to no end... stupid MyListy and Ryany) I would probably call him Donny all the time.
...yeah, the prerequisite for any future child names is that they can't sound bad with the -y suffix. I've already started a list in my head.
(Back when I used to be obsessed with Kingdom Hearts and tried looking up news on the Japanese sites, Donald's name in katakana was one of the first things I'd notice. and hence, the post title.)
((For the record, despite what random people, including this one Japanese lady in Japantown, have thought, I am not Japanese. My last name doesn't spell correctly for it to be Japanese anyway.))
Monday, March 25, 2013
a little of
Less serious post:
A: My P is coming out right now.
K: Oh, yeah, I should tan right now. *pulls up jacket sleeves*
I'm thankful for these random moments.
- I started writing reviews for books on goodreads after Eric suggested I start, and I got kinda carried away after the first one. Probably will start writing short blurbs on there more and save posts on here for more in-depth impressions when I feel it for certain books.
- Our Comcast internet started hating on all things Google the past few days, and in the process of trying togoogle I mean bing the solution I got bombarded by messages about how much better Bing is than Google... and got results to help sites hosted on Google servers, which didn't help much... and of course it all magically started working again a few hours later each time. I just hope this lasts long enough for me to finish writing this, cause of course blogspot and 70% of my other internet activity is hosted by Google. >_>
[It wasn't a service provider DNS issue cause the problem persisted even if you used direct ip addresses to the sites or used alternative public DNS servers... and my hosts file didn't have any references to google either. Sigh.]
- Played Ultimate Werewolf for the first time the other night. It's like Mafia but with more official roles cause there's a rulebook and role cards and artifacts that totally change up the gameplay. For the Hilgard folks, all of the roles we had when we played are there: Mafia = Werewolf [kills one player each night], regular folks = Villagers, Doctor = Bodyguard [prevents one person from dying each night], Detective = Seer [checks if one player is a werewolf each night], Town Fool = The Tanner [wins if he/she gets lynched], and Cupid is there in his full glory [chooses two people to be the Lovers and if one dies the other dies automatically] and I had a hell of a time being him twice in a row.
There was also the Sorcerer, who happens to be on the Werewolves' side (although they don't know who each other are) and gets a turn each night to ask the Mod if a person is a Seer; the Hunter, who immediately shoots someone dead the moment he's killed (and in one game unwittingly killed both of the Lovers I chose as Cupid hehehe); the Lycan, who is actually just a normal villager but appears to be a werewolf to the Seer; the Witch, who chooses once per game to kill/heal a player; and the first person to die in the game gets the ability to send a message from beyond the grave the next round in the form of a single letter to help identify who the killer is, so long as that letter isn't someone's initial (examples we used: "G" which meant glasses, "F" which meant fan, "M" which meant muscles, etc.).
Each player also got an artifact with a special ability that they could use once during the game. Some examples: copy a person's ability if they're special... which prompted the moderator to say "sorcerers wake up" rather than "sorcerer wake up" on accident once, so everyone knew who the sorcerer[s] were; force one person to answer a yes/no question truthfully; demote one player to a villager if they aren't one for the rest of the game; force the last lynched person to send a 1 letter message from the grave; steal another person's artifact; void, which means this artifact does nothing; and so on.
And there were a bunch of roles we didn't even touch because we'd need way more than ~10 people (Vampire: Kill a villager each night, who dies in the middle of the day; Drunk: is a villager until the third night when they find out their real role; Hoodlum: chooses two players on the first night and wins if they are dead and he/she is still alive; and the Chupacabra and a bunch of other stuff). Dan was complaining that there were too many special roles going on at night, which made the nights extremely longer than usual cause every single special role had to wake up on their own turn every night. To be honest, though, I thought it made for a really funny game even during the nights... which got compounded by the moderator having to ask people to wake up cause he/she forgot who they were haha. Fail mod.
- I've effectively been on a video game hiatus since I moved [not counting Dota cause that's not a game I binge on for days in a row and I only play when asked to], but I still follow news on video games semi-frequently along with all those kickstarter updates. I can't recall the last time I've been so hyped for upcoming games. Just this week:
-- Chris Avellone (writer for Planescape: Torment, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II, Mask of the Betrayer, and Fallout: New Vegas among others) and Patrick Rothfuss (author of The Kingkiller Chronicle, of whom I'm not solid on but this could still be good) added as stretch goals to the Torment kickstarter, which hit 3 mil today.
This combined with Ziets (creative lead on Mask of the Betrayer), Mitsoda (lead writer on Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines), Morgan (composer for Fallout and Planescape: Torment), and what we've seen from McComb, Saunders and Cook so far... this is the game I'm most looking forward to... that isn't a sequel anyway, otherwise it'd be Dreamfall Chapters.
-- They also released a sample track from Torment that I've been listening to on repeat: The Bloom.
-- Double Fine Adventure officially announced with the title Broken Age.
-- The makers of Bastion announced a new sci-fi themed game called Transistor.
-- Ducktales (NES) announced coming out this summer remastered with the voice actors from the original cartoon. NOSTALGIA.
-- and this was from a couple of weeks ago, but season 2 of The Walking Dead, the adventure game, was announced as targeted for this fall.
- Since Sammy forced me to buy the latest Starcraft 2 expansion a few days ago, I'll probably be breaking the hiatus now... except I feel like playing Fallout 2 and Alpha Centauri and Front Mission 2 while watching videos of Anachronox instead and I should probably stop now.
A: My P is coming out right now.
K: Oh, yeah, I should tan right now. *pulls up jacket sleeves*
I'm thankful for these random moments.
- I started writing reviews for books on goodreads after Eric suggested I start, and I got kinda carried away after the first one. Probably will start writing short blurbs on there more and save posts on here for more in-depth impressions when I feel it for certain books.
- Our Comcast internet started hating on all things Google the past few days, and in the process of trying to
[It wasn't a service provider DNS issue cause the problem persisted even if you used direct ip addresses to the sites or used alternative public DNS servers... and my hosts file didn't have any references to google either. Sigh.]
- Played Ultimate Werewolf for the first time the other night. It's like Mafia but with more official roles cause there's a rulebook and role cards and artifacts that totally change up the gameplay. For the Hilgard folks, all of the roles we had when we played are there: Mafia = Werewolf [kills one player each night], regular folks = Villagers, Doctor = Bodyguard [prevents one person from dying each night], Detective = Seer [checks if one player is a werewolf each night], Town Fool = The Tanner [wins if he/she gets lynched], and Cupid is there in his full glory [chooses two people to be the Lovers and if one dies the other dies automatically] and I had a hell of a time being him twice in a row.
There was also the Sorcerer, who happens to be on the Werewolves' side (although they don't know who each other are) and gets a turn each night to ask the Mod if a person is a Seer; the Hunter, who immediately shoots someone dead the moment he's killed (and in one game unwittingly killed both of the Lovers I chose as Cupid hehehe); the Lycan, who is actually just a normal villager but appears to be a werewolf to the Seer; the Witch, who chooses once per game to kill/heal a player; and the first person to die in the game gets the ability to send a message from beyond the grave the next round in the form of a single letter to help identify who the killer is, so long as that letter isn't someone's initial (examples we used: "G" which meant glasses, "F" which meant fan, "M" which meant muscles, etc.).
Each player also got an artifact with a special ability that they could use once during the game. Some examples: copy a person's ability if they're special... which prompted the moderator to say "sorcerers wake up" rather than "sorcerer wake up" on accident once, so everyone knew who the sorcerer[s] were; force one person to answer a yes/no question truthfully; demote one player to a villager if they aren't one for the rest of the game; force the last lynched person to send a 1 letter message from the grave; steal another person's artifact; void, which means this artifact does nothing; and so on.
And there were a bunch of roles we didn't even touch because we'd need way more than ~10 people (Vampire: Kill a villager each night, who dies in the middle of the day; Drunk: is a villager until the third night when they find out their real role; Hoodlum: chooses two players on the first night and wins if they are dead and he/she is still alive; and the Chupacabra and a bunch of other stuff). Dan was complaining that there were too many special roles going on at night, which made the nights extremely longer than usual cause every single special role had to wake up on their own turn every night. To be honest, though, I thought it made for a really funny game even during the nights... which got compounded by the moderator having to ask people to wake up cause he/she forgot who they were haha. Fail mod.
- I've effectively been on a video game hiatus since I moved [not counting Dota cause that's not a game I binge on for days in a row and I only play when asked to], but I still follow news on video games semi-frequently along with all those kickstarter updates. I can't recall the last time I've been so hyped for upcoming games. Just this week:
-- Chris Avellone (writer for Planescape: Torment, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II, Mask of the Betrayer, and Fallout: New Vegas among others) and Patrick Rothfuss (author of The Kingkiller Chronicle, of whom I'm not solid on but this could still be good) added as stretch goals to the Torment kickstarter, which hit 3 mil today.
This combined with Ziets (creative lead on Mask of the Betrayer), Mitsoda (lead writer on Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines), Morgan (composer for Fallout and Planescape: Torment), and what we've seen from McComb, Saunders and Cook so far... this is the game I'm most looking forward to... that isn't a sequel anyway, otherwise it'd be Dreamfall Chapters.
-- They also released a sample track from Torment that I've been listening to on repeat: The Bloom.
-- Double Fine Adventure officially announced with the title Broken Age.
-- The makers of Bastion announced a new sci-fi themed game called Transistor.
-- Ducktales (NES) announced coming out this summer remastered with the voice actors from the original cartoon. NOSTALGIA.
-- and this was from a couple of weeks ago, but season 2 of The Walking Dead, the adventure game, was announced as targeted for this fall.
- Since Sammy forced me to buy the latest Starcraft 2 expansion a few days ago, I'll probably be breaking the hiatus now... except I feel like playing Fallout 2 and Alpha Centauri and Front Mission 2 while watching videos of Anachronox instead and I should probably stop now.
Monday, March 11, 2013
book update and current thoughts
Currently reading:
1Q84: This is the third Murakami book I've read (after Wind-Up Bird and Kafka, both of which I loved), but I feel like the Murakami spell is starting to wear off on me now. It's still got the usual stuff you'd expect from him- cats, woman's ears, lonely people, kinky sex, and stories about the war in Manchuria- but somewhere down the line it starts to fizzle out. The first half of the book felt fairly engaging, and there were a few chapters that really struck out to me, but by the last third of the book I was just wondering when it would end. I mean, Murakami's writing does tend to go on and on and on and- well, it's written in such a way that I don't mind it as much; you're just going along for the ride and seeing where it takes you. But even this was a bit much for me. Technically, I guess it makes sense considering that it is longer than the former two books... but really, I think it could've been a lot stronger as a novel had it been shorter and more concise this time. There really wasn't enough going on to justify how long this book is.
(To be honest, I'm not surprised that he didn't win the Nobel Prize last year... but that's another story.)
Dune Messiah: Finally starting this. James mentioned something about how Children of Dune- the third book in the Dune series- is the real Dune so to speak (as in, represents the true message of the series or something along those lines I'm guessing), and I'm starting to get a sense of that here. The foreword got across the point of how this book sets the situation up for the rest of the series by expanding on elements that would only make sense in the aftermath of the original Dune: because what's important isn't the ending, but what happened in the long term because of it. Essentially, there's a vision underlying the series that isn't entirely made clear in the first book (and it stands on its own pretty well anyway as a science fiction epic), but the overarching theme comes more to light with this one and the books after. I'm a bit curious to see what that is and how well it gets conveyed through the later installments, particularly since I get the sense that opinions on this seem to be rather polarized online for some reason.
Pale Fire: A 999 line poem with a foreword and commentary essentially attempting to one up the poet, that reads somewhat like a literary jigsaw-puzzle-choose-your-own-adventure with traps, or at least so far. I started the practice of writing in the margins of books that I expect to keep around (which began midway through 1Q84), and this book is definitely a keeper; it's so fun to write in! The "author" (as opposed to the author of the author) is rather full of himself and tends to make obscure references to things that have nothing to do with the poem itself, which ends up turning into its own story. It's amusing.
---
Other thoughts:
- It's funny how much a simple smile + hello from a random person will do to brighten your day.
- I feel pressure sometimes when writing here to have to discuss something profound or witty or whatever, as if the total sum of my life experiences has granted me the wisdom to have a voice about such things. If anything, I'm more confounded by how much I don't know in the process of trying to write, and it can be paralyzing in a way. Like at the outset of this post, I felt like I had so much energy coming in from this week that I could just talk about life, the universe, and everything, but as with every post it's turned into a struggle to say something cohesive enough to merit posting. That and there are subjects I'd like to broach but question the appropriateness of in a public/semi-private setting as the one here... you can't take back what you've said once you've said it, especially online (where Google Reader happens to store copies of posts you've published even after deleting them).
- This may have been said here before, but lately it's been coming to a point where I really appreciate a lot more those folks with whom you don't need to be in constant contact with in order to enjoy hanging out with them when you do. High school and college really spoils you on that apparent need to talk to and see the same people all the time in order to "be in the loop" so to speak, and at some level that can easily lead to burnout if you overdo it, when in reality it's more normal to not see people for days, weeks, months or years even sometimes. But really, how much trust and effort does it take to be confident in your relationships with other people when they aren't immediately accessible? Too often now I find myself switching hats between enthusiasm and discouragement all over appearances and how people first seem to respond, without really trying to look at the situation for what it is.
- I'm finding that sometimes it suffices to simply enjoy the presence of other people being themselves when they do happen to be present. This applies even when you aren't that close to them; closeness is a privilege you end up receiving or partaking in as a result of life circumstances and other factors, not a right that you're entitled to just because you've been around or known each other that long. As such, it isn't something worth fretting over or idolizing. Be thankful for those chances you do get to talk about something meaningful and make the most out of them while they last.
- This past weekend + week might've been the best experience that I've had in a long while, and the antithesis of a lot of the personal issues I've been struggling with for the past few months. If you were a part of it in any way, even if it didn't seem like much: thanks. :)
1Q84: This is the third Murakami book I've read (after Wind-Up Bird and Kafka, both of which I loved), but I feel like the Murakami spell is starting to wear off on me now. It's still got the usual stuff you'd expect from him- cats, woman's ears, lonely people, kinky sex, and stories about the war in Manchuria- but somewhere down the line it starts to fizzle out. The first half of the book felt fairly engaging, and there were a few chapters that really struck out to me, but by the last third of the book I was just wondering when it would end. I mean, Murakami's writing does tend to go on and on and on and- well, it's written in such a way that I don't mind it as much; you're just going along for the ride and seeing where it takes you. But even this was a bit much for me. Technically, I guess it makes sense considering that it is longer than the former two books... but really, I think it could've been a lot stronger as a novel had it been shorter and more concise this time. There really wasn't enough going on to justify how long this book is.
(To be honest, I'm not surprised that he didn't win the Nobel Prize last year... but that's another story.)
Dune Messiah: Finally starting this. James mentioned something about how Children of Dune- the third book in the Dune series- is the real Dune so to speak (as in, represents the true message of the series or something along those lines I'm guessing), and I'm starting to get a sense of that here. The foreword got across the point of how this book sets the situation up for the rest of the series by expanding on elements that would only make sense in the aftermath of the original Dune: because what's important isn't the ending, but what happened in the long term because of it. Essentially, there's a vision underlying the series that isn't entirely made clear in the first book (and it stands on its own pretty well anyway as a science fiction epic), but the overarching theme comes more to light with this one and the books after. I'm a bit curious to see what that is and how well it gets conveyed through the later installments, particularly since I get the sense that opinions on this seem to be rather polarized online for some reason.
Pale Fire: A 999 line poem with a foreword and commentary essentially attempting to one up the poet, that reads somewhat like a literary jigsaw-puzzle-choose-your-own-adventure with traps, or at least so far. I started the practice of writing in the margins of books that I expect to keep around (which began midway through 1Q84), and this book is definitely a keeper; it's so fun to write in! The "author" (as opposed to the author of the author) is rather full of himself and tends to make obscure references to things that have nothing to do with the poem itself, which ends up turning into its own story. It's amusing.
---
Other thoughts:
- It's funny how much a simple smile + hello from a random person will do to brighten your day.
- I feel pressure sometimes when writing here to have to discuss something profound or witty or whatever, as if the total sum of my life experiences has granted me the wisdom to have a voice about such things. If anything, I'm more confounded by how much I don't know in the process of trying to write, and it can be paralyzing in a way. Like at the outset of this post, I felt like I had so much energy coming in from this week that I could just talk about life, the universe, and everything, but as with every post it's turned into a struggle to say something cohesive enough to merit posting. That and there are subjects I'd like to broach but question the appropriateness of in a public/semi-private setting as the one here... you can't take back what you've said once you've said it, especially online (where Google Reader happens to store copies of posts you've published even after deleting them).
- This may have been said here before, but lately it's been coming to a point where I really appreciate a lot more those folks with whom you don't need to be in constant contact with in order to enjoy hanging out with them when you do. High school and college really spoils you on that apparent need to talk to and see the same people all the time in order to "be in the loop" so to speak, and at some level that can easily lead to burnout if you overdo it, when in reality it's more normal to not see people for days, weeks, months or years even sometimes. But really, how much trust and effort does it take to be confident in your relationships with other people when they aren't immediately accessible? Too often now I find myself switching hats between enthusiasm and discouragement all over appearances and how people first seem to respond, without really trying to look at the situation for what it is.
- I'm finding that sometimes it suffices to simply enjoy the presence of other people being themselves when they do happen to be present. This applies even when you aren't that close to them; closeness is a privilege you end up receiving or partaking in as a result of life circumstances and other factors, not a right that you're entitled to just because you've been around or known each other that long. As such, it isn't something worth fretting over or idolizing. Be thankful for those chances you do get to talk about something meaningful and make the most out of them while they last.
- This past weekend + week might've been the best experience that I've had in a long while, and the antithesis of a lot of the personal issues I've been struggling with for the past few months. If you were a part of it in any way, even if it didn't seem like much: thanks. :)
Friday, March 1, 2013
The Master and Margarita
I took a break from reading 1Q84 (which I'm about a third of the way through now) to finish up this book I found used back in an Oakland bookstore the night that Justin coerced me into going bike riding with him. I have this random thing for Slavic books now after Dostoevsky and the two Slavic lit classes I took for the series humanities requirement at Berkeley, so when I randomly came across this on a bookshelf it drew my attention.
The basic premise is that the devil, known here as Woland, shows up one day in 20th century atheistic Soviet-era Moscow with a retinue of supernatural folks (including a pretty awesome talking and walking black cat named Behemoth... who in my mind while reading didn't look anything like the cat pictured on the cover) and wreaks havoc. Technically there's also two other storylines intertwined with this- the first, a secular retelling of the weekend of the Crucifixion from the perspective of Pontius Pilate, and the second, the effect that Satan's adventures have on the love story between the titular couple: the Master, an author who has been persecuted for writing a novel about Pontius Pilate (which is strongly suggested to be the former storyline), and Margarita, a woman who he has an affair with. But the couple from the latter plotline don't really show up for a third of the book, and for all we know the book could've just been a bildungsroman about Ivan Bezdomny, the young poet who first encounters Satan and goes insane for it. Basically a lot's going on in this book.
This book was a lot easier to read than say, Gravity's Rainbow (although you could probably say that about most books), and the plot itself isn't hard to follow, but at the same time it was hard to tell what the general purpose or theme was at a first glance since a lot of it seemed so nonsensical. A lot of crazy stuff happens that's treated somewhat like a natural occurrence even though it isn't - I would point to the NSFW pictures on the internet associated with this book of two naked women flying through the sky on a broomstick and a giant pig as an example... It makes sense if you read it. After One Hundred Years of Solitude I found out that the proper term for this is magical realism (or as according to Wiki: "a genre where magical elements are a natural part of an otherwise mundane environment").
I don't think I quite got what the purpose of magical realism was until this book, though. Soviet Russia obviously is a rather perfectly mundane setting for the kinds of acts that happen, and if you go into it knowing that it's a satire of the social/cultural conditions of the Soviet era in the early 20th century, you get the sense that the author is trying to vent about all of his personal issues with that culture. Every humorous and farcical act in this book seems to be making fun of the snobby literary elite class, whether it be from their being placed at the mercy of a being they don't believe in, Satan, or the stupidity of their reactions to the magical and supernatural acts happening in front of them, or the fact that the magical disappearance of some of them from their apartments is considered somewhat normal because hey, sometimes people disappear in Soviet Russia.
It gets to be pretty slapstick humor-wise- not enough to make me laugh out loud while reading, but it's still fairly entertaining to see how the situation unfolds. It's a fun read - although if you're not familiar with aspects of Soviet culture and the references made it can be hard to appreciate; even after finishing the book, I couldn't quite see why some folks would deign to call it one of the greatest novels of the 20th century.
It turns out that there's a lot more to this book than just silly antics and poking fun at Soviet culture.
[spoilers follow - from this point on, it's less review and more analysis]
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Gravity's Rainbow
So I decided as another random resolution this year to try and be more analytical about the things I consume and not just simply take in entertainment- that and I kinda miss writing analytical essays for school sometimes... (although I don't miss worrying about being graded on them :P). I'll be making future posts like this that are more akin to the Bible series of posts I've been doing, just for other stuff.
Anyway, after a year of on and off reading (although most of it in the last month), and a couple of more years before that with it just sitting in my stack of books, I finally finished Gravity's Rainbow. FINALLY. (although I think Brothers Karamazov took about just as long.)
I don't remember exactly why I decided to get this book originally. I remember looking for it at Barnes and Nobles years ago and finally buying it, which meant that I had already been looking for it before then, I guess. Maybe because it got touted as the Ulysses of the latter 20th century (even though I still haven't read Ulysses yet) and I have this thing for trying to read notoriously difficult books that aren't Finnegans Wake. And also since it was infamous for being the reason no Pulitzer Prize was awarded in 1974, because of a disagreement between the jury, who nominated it, and the board, who vetoed it, calling it '"unreadable," "turgid," "overwritten," and, in parts, "obscene."'
[I also have this memory of Miki being over at our Piedmont apartment once and asking for a book to read because she was bored. I gave her Gravity's Rainbow cause it happened to be sitting on top of my book stack and she facepalmed. She meant light reading. >_>]
In some sense the board might've had a point. GR takes a lot of patience and effort to read through, and a lot of the time I would find myself rereading the same few pages multiple times because I'd get through them once and think, "I have no idea what just happened," and even after several re-reads still not really have much of a better idea. To be honest at some points I felt like I was just reading to finish the book and not really to understand it. Having finished the book now, I suppose I could come up with a general summary that kind of makes sense, but there were still a lot of passages in the book that I couldn't understand or figure out the purpose of.
[spoilers follow]
Friday, May 18, 2012
Series
I don't remember the last time I put a list on here. I think Evernote's been satisfying my list-making cravings for a while now.
But anyway, a list of series I've been getting into in the past year. Because I like obsessing over different series, particularly if it has a wiki associated with it (my other source of obsession. >_>). As of late:
1. A Song of Ice and Fire (the book series that spawned the Game of Thrones TV show, which I also like)
The books tend towards being too verbose and long, with lots of pages where it feels like nothing's actually happening, but the clever dialogue and all the moments where stuff actually happens kinda make up for it. This actually got me back into reading book series again. I'd forgotten what it was like to get all giddy and excited to read the next book in a series, or at least since Harry Potter ended... 4 years ago now? I guess technically, I read Dune and Ender's Game not too long ago either, but those novels ended on a note where they didn't necessarily need a sequel and could easily stand alone on their own right. With A Game of Thrones on the other hand, it was kinda harder to ignore how it was pretty much setting up for the rest of the books.
2. MS Paint Adventures - specifically, Problem Sleuth and Homestuck
I'm a sucker for anything that remotely resembles a text adventure game (aka interactive fiction), and these web comics are just that. Problem Sleuth had a noir-ish kind of setting and Homestuck had references to data structures... and then they both kind of exploded into something else. According to wiki they're estimated to be the longest comic on the internet, and probably with good reason.
3. Batman comics
Trying to read most of the important stuff in chronological order (which is a lot harder to do for American comics because they like to retcon stuff all the time - it took me a while to understand the release cycle). Started with Year One, currently on Knightfall, although I've been holding off on it for a while cause Knightfall is a lot bigger than any of the past trade paperbacks I've read.
4. Outer-space based sci-fi (Mass Effect, Battlestar Galactica, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Alien)
I'm lumping all of this in one category, but lately I've been realizing that I'm a bit of a sucker for anything based in outer space. Although I never could really get into the Star Wars universe for some reason. I think the whole idea of the Force was a little too mystical for me for a space-themed setting.
5. Avatar: The Last Airbender/The Legend of Korra
I never got into it too much originally because seemed too much like a western imitation of anime, but after recently marathoning through everything in order this past week, I am now beyond obsessed. Great animation, great characters, great setting. I feel like this show is the realization of all the elemental power stuff I used to like daydreaming about, the stuff that didn't make it into X-Men or whichever.
and now currently:
Baldur's Gate
So like Planescape: Torment previously, I've been meaning to get to this RPG series since high school but never really got around to it. Ironically, talking about Diablo 3 as it was released earlier this week made me really want to play Baldur's Gate, so I started. It took some getting used to the user interface and the nature of gameplay, though - this game was clearly made for patient people. Will see how it turns out.
The Earthsea Trilogy
Just started the first book, but I like the writing style so far. It's only around 160 pages, but compared to the ~1000 page books of the Game of Thrones series, it feels like a breath of fresh air. My perception of it is slightly eschewed by the fact that there's a Studio Ghibli Earthsea movie, so I keep picturing some of kind of mystical pseudo-Miyazaki fantasy world when I'm reading it.
But anyway, a list of series I've been getting into in the past year. Because I like obsessing over different series, particularly if it has a wiki associated with it (my other source of obsession. >_>). As of late:
1. A Song of Ice and Fire (the book series that spawned the Game of Thrones TV show, which I also like)
The books tend towards being too verbose and long, with lots of pages where it feels like nothing's actually happening, but the clever dialogue and all the moments where stuff actually happens kinda make up for it. This actually got me back into reading book series again. I'd forgotten what it was like to get all giddy and excited to read the next book in a series, or at least since Harry Potter ended... 4 years ago now? I guess technically, I read Dune and Ender's Game not too long ago either, but those novels ended on a note where they didn't necessarily need a sequel and could easily stand alone on their own right. With A Game of Thrones on the other hand, it was kinda harder to ignore how it was pretty much setting up for the rest of the books.
2. MS Paint Adventures - specifically, Problem Sleuth and Homestuck
I'm a sucker for anything that remotely resembles a text adventure game (aka interactive fiction), and these web comics are just that. Problem Sleuth had a noir-ish kind of setting and Homestuck had references to data structures... and then they both kind of exploded into something else. According to wiki they're estimated to be the longest comic on the internet, and probably with good reason.
3. Batman comics
Trying to read most of the important stuff in chronological order (which is a lot harder to do for American comics because they like to retcon stuff all the time - it took me a while to understand the release cycle). Started with Year One, currently on Knightfall, although I've been holding off on it for a while cause Knightfall is a lot bigger than any of the past trade paperbacks I've read.
4. Outer-space based sci-fi (Mass Effect, Battlestar Galactica, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Alien)
I'm lumping all of this in one category, but lately I've been realizing that I'm a bit of a sucker for anything based in outer space. Although I never could really get into the Star Wars universe for some reason. I think the whole idea of the Force was a little too mystical for me for a space-themed setting.
5. Avatar: The Last Airbender/The Legend of Korra
I never got into it too much originally because seemed too much like a western imitation of anime, but after recently marathoning through everything in order this past week, I am now beyond obsessed. Great animation, great characters, great setting. I feel like this show is the realization of all the elemental power stuff I used to like daydreaming about, the stuff that didn't make it into X-Men or whichever.
and now currently:
Baldur's Gate
So like Planescape: Torment previously, I've been meaning to get to this RPG series since high school but never really got around to it. Ironically, talking about Diablo 3 as it was released earlier this week made me really want to play Baldur's Gate, so I started. It took some getting used to the user interface and the nature of gameplay, though - this game was clearly made for patient people. Will see how it turns out.
The Earthsea Trilogy
Just started the first book, but I like the writing style so far. It's only around 160 pages, but compared to the ~1000 page books of the Game of Thrones series, it feels like a breath of fresh air. My perception of it is slightly eschewed by the fact that there's a Studio Ghibli Earthsea movie, so I keep picturing some of kind of mystical pseudo-Miyazaki fantasy world when I'm reading it.
Friday, October 7, 2011
make it stop -_-
"A bear there was, a bear, A BEAR!
All black and brown and covered with hair!"
The above two lines have been stuck in my head for the past few days since I've been reading A Storm of Swords. That, and "fun fun fun." aaaagh.
(from 5 Years Time by Noah and the Whale, not that other stupid song you're probably thinking of with 4 fun's in a row.)
All black and brown and covered with hair!"
The above two lines have been stuck in my head for the past few days since I've been reading A Storm of Swords. That, and "fun fun fun." aaaagh.
(from 5 Years Time by Noah and the Whale, not that other stupid song you're probably thinking of with 4 fun's in a row.)
Saturday, July 9, 2011
On the mind
Two days till Indonesia. After that, a hop, skip, and a jump to August. Summer is flying by too fast.
It's difficult to not think the dreaded "what am I doing with my life?" question, even though I technically know what I'll be doing in two months. It's the baggage that comes with it that I'm worried about.
Not even that, though - what am I doing with my life today? On mind so far:
- figure out what to pack. shouldn't be too hard.
- the usual driving errands.
- read A Clash of Kings. I finished A Game of Thrones yesterday and am now hooked onto this series. I haven't felt this kind of excitement for a book series since the Harry Potter days, although it kinda helps that
a) the fifth book in the series comes out next week. and two more books to come after that, even though it will probably take another decade for those two. but yeah, it seems to be getting good reviews, so that's something to look forward to.
b) the TV series aired this year and already has a second season in production. I like the looks of it so far, and Aiden Gillen (Carcetti from The Wire) was cast as Littlefinger, which instantly plummeted him to favorite character status even though I was already starting to like him in the books.
c) the fanbase has been getting pretty lively because of a and b.
d) The books come with maps of locations like the Lord of the Rings books did. I like maps.
e) I went to Barnes and Nobles yesterday and splurged on books 2-4 in anticipation of a and just from wanting to know what happens next.
- progress through/maybe finish? L.A. Noire. Made it to the final chapter, the Arson cases today with Ryan's help. Although I could wait until after I get back for this, since Ryan wants to see how it ends...
also, Grandia (which is taking a rather long time to get through... approaching final third of the game) and Radiant Historia (shorter than above but still quite a bit left).
- watch Dr. Who or Batman TAS or Breaking Bad or Seinfeld. The problem with starting multiple series at once is that it takes forever to progress through any of them. -_-
- play SC2 with Johny. Been meaning to get to this, but I honestly don't feel motivated or interested enough to play right now... sigh.
- take out a textbook and study. Japanese has been staring at me for a while now. as well as some other stuff.
- listen to some podcasts. got an app working on the phone and managed sync it with Regen's sermon feed along with some of Tim Keller. Maybe This American Life next. Looking for more things to listen to.
- figure out things I could do in Indonesia. which would be the subject of another list within this list. I find it hard to do much due to limitations in freedom there and the language barrier, not to mention the constant heat + mosquitoes make me feel inclined to stay in the room
most of the time... but we'll see this time.
- nap because considering how late I'm up right now, I'll probably conk out tomorrow.
It's difficult to not think the dreaded "what am I doing with my life?" question, even though I technically know what I'll be doing in two months. It's the baggage that comes with it that I'm worried about.
Not even that, though - what am I doing with my life today? On mind so far:
- figure out what to pack. shouldn't be too hard.
- the usual driving errands.
- read A Clash of Kings. I finished A Game of Thrones yesterday and am now hooked onto this series. I haven't felt this kind of excitement for a book series since the Harry Potter days, although it kinda helps that
a) the fifth book in the series comes out next week. and two more books to come after that, even though it will probably take another decade for those two. but yeah, it seems to be getting good reviews, so that's something to look forward to.
b) the TV series aired this year and already has a second season in production. I like the looks of it so far, and Aiden Gillen (Carcetti from The Wire) was cast as Littlefinger, which instantly plummeted him to favorite character status even though I was already starting to like him in the books.
c) the fanbase has been getting pretty lively because of a and b.
d) The books come with maps of locations like the Lord of the Rings books did. I like maps.
e) I went to Barnes and Nobles yesterday and splurged on books 2-4 in anticipation of a and just from wanting to know what happens next.
- progress through/maybe finish? L.A. Noire. Made it to the final chapter, the Arson cases today with Ryan's help. Although I could wait until after I get back for this, since Ryan wants to see how it ends...
also, Grandia (which is taking a rather long time to get through... approaching final third of the game) and Radiant Historia (shorter than above but still quite a bit left).
- watch Dr. Who or Batman TAS or Breaking Bad or Seinfeld. The problem with starting multiple series at once is that it takes forever to progress through any of them. -_-
- play SC2 with Johny. Been meaning to get to this, but I honestly don't feel motivated or interested enough to play right now... sigh.
- take out a textbook and study. Japanese has been staring at me for a while now. as well as some other stuff.
- listen to some podcasts. got an app working on the phone and managed sync it with Regen's sermon feed along with some of Tim Keller. Maybe This American Life next. Looking for more things to listen to.
- figure out things I could do in Indonesia. which would be the subject of another list within this list. I find it hard to do much due to limitations in freedom there and the language barrier, not to mention the constant heat + mosquitoes make me feel inclined to stay in the room
most of the time... but we'll see this time.
- nap because considering how late I'm up right now, I'll probably conk out tomorrow.
Monday, July 12, 2010
SYJ,MF!
I've been reading this book called Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman! It's a really good book, full of anecdotes from this Nobel-prize winning physicist who had a really interesting life. Pretty funny, too. And you can tell where his background lies, cause he takes a pretty technical-minded approach to a lot of common problems in life. It's so interesting that it almost makes me want to be a physics major. But I'm glad I'm at where I'm at.
The one thing that gets me about this guy, though, is how passionate he is about the things he studies. It makes me wonder about what I'm studying right now. I mean, I like what I'm studying, but I never really think about it that much outside of my classes, or get that much more in depth into it compared to other EECS majors I know who get really invested in teaching or innovating new things or are just get that much more involved with technology.
I feel like most of my experience with what I've studied has been confined to my exposure to it in my classes... and then I look at Richard Feynman, who's off trying to fix radios and other physics related problems when he's ten. He just oozes with the kind of passion that obviously led him to study what he decided to study, and he managed to make so much use of what he learned in his everyday situations and circumstances. I feel like I'm just the opposite - I don't really try to apply what I've learned outside of my classes that much. I just learn because I want to know more stuff... but I don't really try taking it to the next level.
Sometimes I wish I had the same kind of passions that Mr. Feynman had. It would really twist my perspective on life around, a lot. But then again, I wouldn't entirely give up the interests I do have right now... although I don't know how much practicality obsessing over good stories has in the long run, compared with physics. Oh well.
The one thing that gets me about this guy, though, is how passionate he is about the things he studies. It makes me wonder about what I'm studying right now. I mean, I like what I'm studying, but I never really think about it that much outside of my classes, or get that much more in depth into it compared to other EECS majors I know who get really invested in teaching or innovating new things or are just get that much more involved with technology.
I feel like most of my experience with what I've studied has been confined to my exposure to it in my classes... and then I look at Richard Feynman, who's off trying to fix radios and other physics related problems when he's ten. He just oozes with the kind of passion that obviously led him to study what he decided to study, and he managed to make so much use of what he learned in his everyday situations and circumstances. I feel like I'm just the opposite - I don't really try to apply what I've learned outside of my classes that much. I just learn because I want to know more stuff... but I don't really try taking it to the next level.
Sometimes I wish I had the same kind of passions that Mr. Feynman had. It would really twist my perspective on life around, a lot. But then again, I wouldn't entirely give up the interests I do have right now... although I don't know how much practicality obsessing over good stories has in the long run, compared with physics. Oh well.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Summer Booklist
I know, I spend more time making lists than I do actually doing the things on the list. In that regard this is more of a to-read-in-the-indefinite-future list for personal future reference than a summer reading list.
To preface, last Sunday I went to Moe's Bookstore and splurged on books because of my reading withdrawal this semester, although granted I already have a lot of books at home that I haven't read yet.
Mere Christianity - CS Lewis
The Art of Biblical Narrative - Robert Alter
The Iliad - Homer, Fagles translation
The Known World - Edward P. Jones
The English Patient - Michael Ondaatje
If On A Winter's Night A Traveler - Italo Calvino
(credit to olau for the last three book recs)
These, however, were part of a bigger booklist that I have no idea when I will get to, given my reading rate has slowed to a snail's pace in the last six months. Not including books I already have at home/the apartment that I haven't read yet. -_-''
EDIT: More book shopping!
The Odyssey - Homer, Lattimore translation
Tale of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
Tess of D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
The Curious Incidient of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
Never Let Me Go - Kazuo Ishiguro
Blood Meridian - Cormac McCarthy
Can't Stop Won't Stop: A History of the Hip-Hop Generation - Jeff Chang
One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
The Weight of Glory - CS Lewis
Wanted List:
NASB Study Bible
A People's History of the US - Howard Zinn
The Great Divorce, The 4 Loves - CS Lewis
Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
Light in August - William Faulkner
Imperial San Francisco - Gray Brechin
City of Quartz, Planet of Slums - Mike Davis
End Time Prophecies of the Bible - Haggith
The Fall - Albert Camus
Lolita, Pale Fire - Vladimir Nabokov
Tender is the Night - F. Scott Fitzgerald
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close - Jonathan Safran Foer
Invisible Man - Ralph Ellison
To preface, last Sunday I went to Moe's Bookstore and splurged on books because of my reading withdrawal this semester, although granted I already have a lot of books at home that I haven't read yet.
Mere Christianity - CS Lewis
The Art of Biblical Narrative - Robert Alter
The Iliad - Homer, Fagles translation
The Known World - Edward P. Jones
The English Patient - Michael Ondaatje
If On A Winter's Night A Traveler - Italo Calvino
(credit to olau for the last three book recs)
These, however, were part of a bigger booklist that I have no idea when I will get to, given my reading rate has slowed to a snail's pace in the last six months. Not including books I already have at home/the apartment that I haven't read yet. -_-''
EDIT: More book shopping!
The Odyssey - Homer, Lattimore translation
Tale of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
Tess of D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
The Curious Incidient of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
Never Let Me Go - Kazuo Ishiguro
Blood Meridian - Cormac McCarthy
Can't Stop Won't Stop: A History of the Hip-Hop Generation - Jeff Chang
One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
The Weight of Glory - CS Lewis
Wanted List:
NASB Study Bible
A People's History of the US - Howard Zinn
The Great Divorce, The 4 Loves - CS Lewis
Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
Light in August - William Faulkner
Imperial San Francisco - Gray Brechin
City of Quartz, Planet of Slums - Mike Davis
End Time Prophecies of the Bible - Haggith
The Fall - Albert Camus
Lolita, Pale Fire - Vladimir Nabokov
Tender is the Night - F. Scott Fitzgerald
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close - Jonathan Safran Foer
Invisible Man - Ralph Ellison
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Ceremony
This is why events unnerve me
They find it all, a different story
Over time the wheels are turning
Turn again and turn towards this time
All she asks is the strength to hold me
Making the same old story
Word will travel oh so quickly
Travel first and turn towards this time
Oh, I'll break them down, no mercy shown
Heaven knows, it's got to be this time
Watching her, these things she said
The times she cried
Too frail to wake this time
Oh I'll break them down, no mercy shown
Heaven knows, it's got to be this time
Avenues all lined with trees
Picture me and then you start watching
Watching forever, forever
Watching love grow, forever
Letting me know, forever
The thing that gets me about this song is the transient nature of its lyrics. I discovered this song on Galaxie 500's On Fire album, and found out that it was both not originally part of that album and a cover of a song by New Order that was originally composed when its members were still in Joy Division. The lead singer who composed this song, Ian Curtis, committed suicide two weeks after his first live performance of it, and none of the members of Joy Division could find his lyrics after his death so they had to rewrite parts of the first verse and chorus.
Which kinda gets me cause I really wanted to know what Ian wrote. As far as the song's meaning is concerned, most people seem to believe that it's related to the reason why he killed himself. His marriage was falling apart because of an affair he had had with another woman, and he'd been trying to convince his wife to stay with him. But the song isn't addressed to his wife; it's addressed to the woman he had the affair with. About his attempts to break out of this cyclical ceremony with that woman, who had caused his life to turn for the worst.
I'm listening to one of the live versions of the song recorded by Joy Division before Ian's death. The recording kinda sucks cause Ian's voice is so muffled that you can barely hear what he's saying, and some parts don't entirely sound like what the current lyrics are. What really gets me, though, is his voice. The music's optimistic and uplifting, but Ian's voice is mixed with contrasting feelings, almost like it's sad and hopeful at the same time? I don't know if I'm just hearing it because of what I already know and the fact that the recording is so bad, but it still gets me.
I know, this guy didn't exactly live the best life ever. But his work does say something about the ephemerality of music, of life, of love. Sadness.
I haven't really felt this way since finishing To the Lighthouse, which is kind of an odd book to relate to this when I think about it. But eh, I've made a lot of random connections in the past.
They find it all, a different story
Over time the wheels are turning
Turn again and turn towards this time
All she asks is the strength to hold me
Making the same old story
Word will travel oh so quickly
Travel first and turn towards this time
Oh, I'll break them down, no mercy shown
Heaven knows, it's got to be this time
Watching her, these things she said
The times she cried
Too frail to wake this time
Oh I'll break them down, no mercy shown
Heaven knows, it's got to be this time
Avenues all lined with trees
Picture me and then you start watching
Watching forever, forever
Watching love grow, forever
Letting me know, forever
The thing that gets me about this song is the transient nature of its lyrics. I discovered this song on Galaxie 500's On Fire album, and found out that it was both not originally part of that album and a cover of a song by New Order that was originally composed when its members were still in Joy Division. The lead singer who composed this song, Ian Curtis, committed suicide two weeks after his first live performance of it, and none of the members of Joy Division could find his lyrics after his death so they had to rewrite parts of the first verse and chorus.
Which kinda gets me cause I really wanted to know what Ian wrote. As far as the song's meaning is concerned, most people seem to believe that it's related to the reason why he killed himself. His marriage was falling apart because of an affair he had had with another woman, and he'd been trying to convince his wife to stay with him. But the song isn't addressed to his wife; it's addressed to the woman he had the affair with. About his attempts to break out of this cyclical ceremony with that woman, who had caused his life to turn for the worst.
I'm listening to one of the live versions of the song recorded by Joy Division before Ian's death. The recording kinda sucks cause Ian's voice is so muffled that you can barely hear what he's saying, and some parts don't entirely sound like what the current lyrics are. What really gets me, though, is his voice. The music's optimistic and uplifting, but Ian's voice is mixed with contrasting feelings, almost like it's sad and hopeful at the same time? I don't know if I'm just hearing it because of what I already know and the fact that the recording is so bad, but it still gets me.
I know, this guy didn't exactly live the best life ever. But his work does say something about the ephemerality of music, of life, of love. Sadness.
I haven't really felt this way since finishing To the Lighthouse, which is kind of an odd book to relate to this when I think about it. But eh, I've made a lot of random connections in the past.
Monday, January 4, 2010
E+E
Never mind, I finally found it! Emma is pink and Elizabeth is green.
...
I blame this on the covers of the Barnes and Noble Classics editions.
Actually, once Mr. Darcy came back and started verbally sparring with Elizabeth again, I got really into it. Now that's more like it.
Oh, and last night I dreamed that I was stuck in some kind of elimination trial that took place in a room that resembled my house's living room, and the last four survivors were me, Tim Collier, Andrew Tai, and Spock. I was floating in the air and about to blast Spock's head off with my big black umbrella gun before Andrew stopped me and said it was unnecessary. And then I woke up.
...
I blame this on the covers of the Barnes and Noble Classics editions.
Actually, once Mr. Darcy came back and started verbally sparring with Elizabeth again, I got really into it. Now that's more like it.
Oh, and last night I dreamed that I was stuck in some kind of elimination trial that took place in a room that resembled my house's living room, and the last four survivors were me, Tim Collier, Andrew Tai, and Spock. I was floating in the air and about to blast Spock's head off with my big black umbrella gun before Andrew stopped me and said it was unnecessary. And then I woke up.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
I feel the need to write something but I can't think of what I want to write so this is going to suffice in the meantime.
I've been trying to read all day (Pride and Prejudice! :)) but my mind's been getting distracted by random things. While reading I had one of those self-existential moments where I started wondering about why I do the things I do. And by do I mean like kinds of activities I do, like watch anime sometimes or obsess over the next movie/book I'm going to see/read. So in the middle of that book, I was starting to ask myself, do I really enjoy this?
Well, that was sort of a silly question I guess. So far I like P+P better than Sense and Sensibility, but I think I like Emma more. I dunno why but I kinda liked Emma a lot as a character, and up to the point where I'm at in P+P (page... 169 in my book) I haven't really been feeling Eliza Bennet yet. Err actually I have sort of been feeling her, but for some reason whenever I imagine the events of the book in my head, I keep seeing Emma instead of Elizabeth. Which is confusing considering that I don't see people's faces in my imagination to begin with, so it's more like the concept of Emma that I'm confusing with Elizabeth. Except that I mentally associate Emma with the image of Hermione I had when I was reading Harry Potter before the movies came out, which looked like that snobby smart girl from that one cram school Pokemon episode. Is this normal? -_-''
I mean, they both have their witty moments I guess. And both have this thing for obviously getting paired with the guy that they think they're least likely going to end up with. Except Elizabeth hates Mr. Darcy and Mr. Knightley is more like a good friend that criticizes Emma all the time.
Gaaah why am I starting to ramble about Jane Austen characters????
Speaking of weird mental associations, I realize that I do confuse different images in my head a lot. Like whenever I read about Kumiko, the main character's wife in the Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, I kept picturing Kenji's sister from the manga 20th Century Boys... (wasn't her name Kimiko? or something like that.) And whenever I think of Friend from the same manga, I hear the title music theme from Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door because my brother kept playing that music at the time that I was reading it.
I've actually made a post about comparing music I've heard with the associations I make with them on a different blog, but I'm too lazy to recall all of it at the moment.
Oh, and I finally found another actress to add my list of "These actresses I like!": Ingrid Bergman. Although this is only on the basis of Casablanca, I guess. She strikes me as one of those people who I'd find too good for someone like me if I ever encountered her in real life. Too bad she's from another era.
Anyway, I'm going to go back to subvocalizing.
I've been trying to read all day (Pride and Prejudice! :)) but my mind's been getting distracted by random things. While reading I had one of those self-existential moments where I started wondering about why I do the things I do. And by do I mean like kinds of activities I do, like watch anime sometimes or obsess over the next movie/book I'm going to see/read. So in the middle of that book, I was starting to ask myself, do I really enjoy this?
Well, that was sort of a silly question I guess. So far I like P+P better than Sense and Sensibility, but I think I like Emma more. I dunno why but I kinda liked Emma a lot as a character, and up to the point where I'm at in P+P (page... 169 in my book) I haven't really been feeling Eliza Bennet yet. Err actually I have sort of been feeling her, but for some reason whenever I imagine the events of the book in my head, I keep seeing Emma instead of Elizabeth. Which is confusing considering that I don't see people's faces in my imagination to begin with, so it's more like the concept of Emma that I'm confusing with Elizabeth. Except that I mentally associate Emma with the image of Hermione I had when I was reading Harry Potter before the movies came out, which looked like that snobby smart girl from that one cram school Pokemon episode. Is this normal? -_-''
I mean, they both have their witty moments I guess. And both have this thing for obviously getting paired with the guy that they think they're least likely going to end up with. Except Elizabeth hates Mr. Darcy and Mr. Knightley is more like a good friend that criticizes Emma all the time.
Gaaah why am I starting to ramble about Jane Austen characters????
Speaking of weird mental associations, I realize that I do confuse different images in my head a lot. Like whenever I read about Kumiko, the main character's wife in the Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, I kept picturing Kenji's sister from the manga 20th Century Boys... (wasn't her name Kimiko? or something like that.) And whenever I think of Friend from the same manga, I hear the title music theme from Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door because my brother kept playing that music at the time that I was reading it.
I've actually made a post about comparing music I've heard with the associations I make with them on a different blog, but I'm too lazy to recall all of it at the moment.
Oh, and I finally found another actress to add my list of "These actresses I like!": Ingrid Bergman. Although this is only on the basis of Casablanca, I guess. She strikes me as one of those people who I'd find too good for someone like me if I ever encountered her in real life. Too bad she's from another era.
Anyway, I'm going to go back to subvocalizing.
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