Joy

The subject of the sermon this week was joy. It came up again during prayer this morning when I (as a result of another not really relevant thought) came to think, what exactly brings joy to my life? I started thinking about the past few days since I came back to Berkeley. Nothing really struck me as a particularly poignant moment of joy - just bits of random interesting moments and just time passing by. I feel like these days are just passing by too fast for me to really reflect or remember what happened. Things just happen, and time goes on.

It's not that I'm not happy or anything - it's more like even when I'm experiencing happy moments, time seems to go by so fast that I don't remember experiencing them. Or I have to think really hard to come up with an example of a moment when I was feeling joyful. And I had a lot of trouble this morning thinking of a joyful moment. Just a lot of "oh, that's nice I guess" moments.

Today went by rather fast again. Morning prayer, tabling with Yvonne and Slam, cleaning up tabling, a nap (which got interrupted by phone calls from Ryan and a moving service), a really good talk with a friend, meeting new freshmen/transfers while getting ice cream at Ici's, stopping by Ryan/Mark/James' apartment and having delicious WHITE SAUCE pasta, freaking out after Mark tried to pull up an eye damage clip from Invader Zim, and then now... Today was a good day, now that I think about it. Even though during it I wasn't entirely conscious of how good/bad it was, and had trouble thinking of joyful moments from the past.

I let a lot of random baggage plague my thoughts today in the midst of everything that happened, and they prevented me from realizing just how good of a day it was till now. Maybe not the best day I ever experienced or anything like that, but these are the kind of days I ought to live for. Even now I still have some doubts lingering in my head... but I just going to say screw it, I'm thankful for today. I think that's good enough for a joyful moment.