*Dad makes insinuation that Mom can't count*
Dad: What high school did you graduate from?
Mom: The same one as you, so I guess that makes us both dummies.
Dad: What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Me: There's a difference?
Dad: Snowballs.
Brother's friend: My dad is a special ed attorney. His job is to sue the school districts.
Cousin: Hey Ryan, doesn't [my baby's] leg look like a drumstick?
*minutes later*
Cousin: Aww, she looks like a drumstick!
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