A rather long time ago now, I got a comment from a friend on how naive I was. I don't remember if I said anything in response, but naturally it ticked me off inside. Naive to the world? Please, I'm not that oblivious. I know that people aren't always what they make themselves out to be... how much this life sucks and is a lot more mundane and boring in general than we'd like to admit... and how messed up the world is on a daily basis.

But honestly, though, that friend was right. Despite how much I like to play myself off as a pessimist in general... I tend to put more faith in the unselfishness and the integrity of other people I know, even if I don't actually know them that well at all. I try to downplay the bad qualities of other people if I do mention them, and hearing anyone talk trash about other people or character bashing, so to speak, tends to bother me even when it is merited. I also hate it when I hear talk about rating other people based on looks or whichever... it just feels foreign to me. (which led to Johny asking if I had absolutely no standards about looks - okay, well I'll admit that some things do turn me off. >_>).

Lately I've been reminded or shown a lot more of how much I don't actually know, how unaware I am of what other people actually think or believe or act. Little topics of conversation that bother me because they reveal my naivety, my lack of worldly knowledge, were I to even say anything, although others probably suspect it of me anyway. How wrong and out of touch with reality I was, for hoping or trying to assume the better of others when they gave no reason for me to do so. Even though it feels a lot more poisonous in my head to assume the worst.

Sometimes I just feel out of touch with reality and people in general. Like I'm continuously living life in my own little bubble, refusing to pay attention to what's going on and ignoring the things that other people say that I don't like. But then when I do end up around other people, particularly people I'm not as familiar with, I just feel irrelevant and out of place. and uncomfortable.

Incidentally, the last two months have been a bit... socially exhausting for me, so I'm wondering if I'm just overreacting out of a need for more dedicated alone time. I think it's becoming more apparent to me now that there are just some worlds that I won't fit into in general. And that there are some people I just gravitate towards more easily than others, and other people I probably never would really get along with that well. I wish it weren't so though.