words

Every once in a while, I have this random notion in the back of my head that "words do not suffice." But until recently, I don't think it ever really hit me what this really meant... other than being one of those random profound thoughts that you have sometimes that also happens to come across as pretentious depending on who you're talking to or how you frame it, kinda like Mason's "profound bitching" in the film Boyhood.

When I first felt this way in the past, it was mainly about how difficult it was to put some ideas into words... but it wasn't really until the past couple of weeks that I noticed (and for some people this is probably really obvious) that a lot of my thoughts just simply aren't voiced in words or language at all to begin with. Not until they've been mulled over a bit, anyway, but by that point they aren't quite the same as that first impulse or notion in your head that started it all.

Words don't suffice simply because they can't really capture exactly what you feel at this moment... just your impression of it afterwards. I can't really describe what I'm feeling right now without devaluing or cheapening the experience of it, and even the process of trying to find words to explain this is frustrating in itself.

On a bit of a tangential note, it's partly why I haven't been posting much about dreams lately, because I feel like the process of trying to recall my own dreams after waking up lately requires filling in too many blanks in my memory, to the point where my recollection of what happened doesn't really feel that authentic anymore. My memory is focused more on what I thought I had experienced right after waking up rather than what really happened the dream itself... which isn't really possible to pinpoint all that well after all.

Of course, since writing is the only way I know how to convey these things at all, I'll keep posting here anyway.