anticipation

Because I look ahead in terms of lists.

upcoming:
- finally finishing this Reactive Programming class
- the Scottish Exhibition at the de Young before it closes
- finally visiting the Legion of Honor and the Asian Art Museum
- SF Silent Film Festival
- the Thai Temple at Berkeley
- A Little Night Music
- week-long Python Training at work
- Distant Worlds LA
- Christine & Scott's wedding
- family China trip (Beijing -> Xian -> Guilin/Yangshuo -> Shanghai. mostly touristy.)
- coming back to Pokemon: Symphonic Evolutions
- Matilda round 2
- Durarara!!x2 Ten
- The Look of Silence release (followup to The Act of Killing)

book list:
- White Teeth
- Infinite Jest
- The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat and Other Clinical Tales
- Indonesia, Etc
- Snow Crash
- Titus Groan
- The Resurrection of the Son of God
- The Moth
- The Once and Future King
- The Conquest of Gaul
- Midnight
- short stories: O'Connor, Saunders, some more Lovecraft
- and maybe War and Peace before the end of this year -_-

Games
- Technobabylon
- finally finishing Pillars of Eternity and Broken Age
- Life is Strange per Ryan's request
- The Witcher 3? (yeah right, ain't got time for that.)

Toss in work, work outside of work, unexpected distractions and other life priority stuff, and I'll get through maybe 50% of the above. (...50% being the top half that is.)

To follow up from last time, I had a bad people hangover headache most of today almost to the point of wanting to throw up (to be fair I probably should've not tried to schedule so much in 2.5 days- I was already exhausted at the end of the first day) and wasn't able to function much other than lying down with my eyes closed for good chunks of the morning/afternoon- which was slightly ameliorated by a revolving sushi family lunch and then watching brother play Donkey Kong 64 throughout the day, a game that I never was able to finish growing up and don't really care to anymore. Great game though.

Anyway, yes the people disappointment continued as usual, but I noticed a lot of it this time was more due to my inability to be fully present when I'm tired and in a rush (no duh), which was not helped by the sleeping problems I've been having lately. (Example: I was fatigued all day today and now I'm wide awake. and I have to wake up in 5 hours knowing that I will likely be tired at work most of tomorrow too... and I have dinner plans after again.)

And while this weekend was an extreme case of it, this generally is more applicable to the other times in the past too. Which is to say, I get tired from social interaction pretty fast even though I like who I'm hanging out with and will often try to extend that time as long as possible- sometimes beyond what I'm actually capable of handling. Time constraints are a blessing as much as they are a curse.

So anyway, instead of trying to feverishly complete the above to-do list, I'm hoping to tone things down a bit this summer and just... rest, for once. And by rest I mean not worry about being frantically productive in the times when I'm alone, and by frantically productive I mean ticking things off my entertainment and work to-do list and worrying about how much time I don't have.

Learning to look at and re-purpose "wasted time", the time spent breathing, resting, reflecting, contemplating, as time well-spent and well-lived. And remembering that I need to actually make time for these things too or else I'll go crazy.