Some scattered thoughts.

- Most of my hometown friends are still going to school. As in, not finished with undergrad yet, with a few exceptions (most of which are still looking at grad/post-grad schools). Especially now that Berkeley's starting up again, I feel really weird about not going back to school. Although granted, if I did go back this semester, I'd probably just take the new Machine Learning class/Databases/Probability/another semester of Japanese.

...Oh wait, that's a full semester there. -_-

But to be honest I'm kinda glad I'm done with school, or at least for now. I feel ready to move on with life.

- Thinking about building my own desktop at some point, probably once I'm settled in up north. I'm afraid the entire process of picking out individual parts might end up in the same way as my previous schedule planning/pokemon team planning obsessions, though...

The worst part of having this kind of obsession is when you spend more than 6 hours deliberating over whether or not to make one change to your current plan, only to decide not to change it anyway... only then to come back to that change repeatedly over the course of the next month because you started to regret your original decision. This is pretty much the story of every schedule and pokemon team I have made in college.

- Speaking of computers, Lappy2 (my laptop)'s been a bit sluggish and warm lately. I called Dell up the other day to replace the palm-pad- the part of the laptop where my hands rest- for an unrelated reason and in the process got sent a new fan, heat sink, and motherboard for free. And a technician to install everything. Having an active warranty is great.

- After messing around with Google Reader for a day a few weeks ago, I now have a new incoming article in my reader feed about every five minutes, although sometimes they come in droves.

Yeah, I know it's overkill to the point that I'm suffocating myself with information. I've been trying to cut back since. But it's incredibly easy to fall into that trap of consuming feed content for hours.

- Indonesia trip... was not a good experience this year, although the food was delicious as usual, up until we all got sick. I wound up going to the ER a week later due to complications from the trip's sickness combining with the cold I caught right when I got back, but luckily that only lasted a few hours. Moral of the story: drink lots of fluids (though not water alone cause it's easy to throw back up again) and eat lots of bananas.

And if you think you're about to pass out, lie down so that you don't accidentally hit your head on anything as would likely happen if you passed out while standing or sitting up.

- I was originally going to make a post about the Florida trip during winter break... and then Disneyland during the summer, but I never really got around to that and now my memory's kinda foggy. Maybe something about Disney World later since most people I know haven't been there before. Reminder to self to get back to this later.

- In the middle of reading Simple Spirituality, a book I bought at Fall Con last year. The points the author hits on resonate pretty well with the issues I struggled with this past year- namely community (see May 7th post) and humility, although simplicity and submission have been pretty relevant chapters also. I kinda wish there was more discussion on these topics beyond what the book gives (it's a pretty short read), but it's nice to start by at least focusing the discussion around these topics.

One thing in particular that the book brought up while reading today is how easy it is to turn the idea of self-sufficiency into an idol. I find this especially true since I hate having to depend on people, even though I actually do depend on others a lot. Likewise, I don't like being depended on all that much... or at least to the point that it winds up being my fault for not being reliable when I'm apparently needed. I guess I hold a lot of stock in the ideal of being a self-sufficient person.

It's not that being self sufficient is a bad thing. It's just that... it's good to know when to admit that you need help. And a lot of the time I'm too stubborn to admit that much. Particularly in the way I've been talking to God lately... I've hardly admitted any real need for him. In which moments I wonder why I bother praying if I'm not willing to admit that I need him in the first place.

-

At some point during this summer I realized that I miss people, but I don't know what to say to a lot of them anymore.

It feels debilitating sometimes.

Dream Post #37

Figured these were happening often enough that I may as well start numbering them. Some of the posts tagged under "Dreams" aren't actually dream posts persay, but they all reference a dream I've had at some point.

I had three dreams last night (and woke up three times... I haven't slept through a night without waking up in the middle since pre-Indonesia), but can only remember two.

1. I am taking a test in which I have to describe in in-class essay format the difference between Java and C++... using the analogy of the difference between filling and emptying a pool of water. Yes, that was part of the question.

It took me so long to think of an answer to this that I ran out of time, as typically happens for me with in-class essays, and I woke up in a panic. And then I laid in bed seriously thinking about the question for while before deciding that whoever came up with the idea of trying to compare Java and C++ using a pool of water as an analogy was an idiot. (My mind was probably still in half-asleep delirious mode- refer to previous post where I was awake and panicked about having 40,000 shopping carts) And then I went back to sleep.

2. I am escorting the Joker from Batman down several flights of stairs in Arkham Asylum to his prison cell. This is pretty much a recreation of the opening to the video game Batman: Arkham Asylum, except that

- I am myself and not Batman
- I am unarmed
- there are no police officers with me escorting the Joker
- the Joker himself isn't even handcuffed, which makes me wonder why he's even bothering with this charade in the first place.
- he's playing with a spoon in his hands as he is walking, and I spend most of the walk downstairs paranoid that he might stab me in the eye with it since I am defenseless.
- but somehow we manage to have a pretty cordial conversation anyway. no hard feelings.

Luckily, once we make it to the bottom floor the Joker gets ambushed by a crowd of teenage girls asking for his autograph. and I wake up.

counting down

San Jose move up day: Sept 2nd. or 3rd.

I've been pretty sick and confined to home for the past week and a half now (bar for a brief visit up north to find the apartment... in which I got more sick. bah.) so not much else happening here.

Most of the things I want to write about don't feel like getting written once I finally get to a computer. Sigh.

Because I can't sleep

a couple of dreams.

- Johny gchatting me "sc2" x 10000000 times. Why did this make it into my dreams. -_-

- I am a messenger in a war between humans and mythological woodland creatures such as centaurs and satyrs taking place in the streets of Berkeley. I am in the middle of chasing after a female centaur up Euclid on northside when I am suddenly captured by an entourage of witches, who exclaim "This is why you don't trust witches!" and proceed to tickle me awake.

- I am searching for some missing people with a search party through the streets of some city. At some point I run into Josh W. from elementary school and his mom, who follow me for a bit while talking to me about random Christian stuff. Later I discover the missing people on one side of a mud slide/hill, only to find that James, Olivia and another person from the search party have been trapped inside a video file underneath the other side of the mud hill. (yeah I know this makes no sense)

Later I come to a house, switching points of view between myself, a dog, a black pregnant lady and her two followers, and a rainbow Chinese dragon-cat-monster-puppet hybrid that turns black and white when it falls asleep. While the hybrid is sleeping on a couch-chair, a random man hiding inside the pantry pokes it awake, and it decides to take revenge on me by taking a dump on my back. and I wake up.

Being back home still feels like a dream. It's so much cleaner here than in Indonesia...

Greetings from Indonesia

Only access to internet right now is at Starbucks, same as last year. If the internet connection weren't so screwy I'd consider adding pictures of food... but maybe next time.

On the mind

Two days till Indonesia. After that, a hop, skip, and a jump to August. Summer is flying by too fast.

It's difficult to not think the dreaded "what am I doing with my life?" question, even though I technically know what I'll be doing in two months. It's the baggage that comes with it that I'm worried about.

Not even that, though - what am I doing with my life today? On mind so far:

- figure out what to pack. shouldn't be too hard.

- the usual driving errands.

- read A Clash of Kings. I finished A Game of Thrones yesterday and am now hooked onto this series. I haven't felt this kind of excitement for a book series since the Harry Potter days, although it kinda helps that
a) the fifth book in the series comes out next week. and two more books to come after that, even though it will probably take another decade for those two. but yeah, it seems to be getting good reviews, so that's something to look forward to.
b) the TV series aired this year and already has a second season in production. I like the looks of it so far, and Aiden Gillen (Carcetti from The Wire) was cast as Littlefinger, which instantly plummeted him to favorite character status even though I was already starting to like him in the books.
c) the fanbase has been getting pretty lively because of a and b.
d) The books come with maps of locations like the Lord of the Rings books did. I like maps.
e) I went to Barnes and Nobles yesterday and splurged on books 2-4 in anticipation of a and just from wanting to know what happens next.

- progress through/maybe finish? L.A. Noire. Made it to the final chapter, the Arson cases today with Ryan's help. Although I could wait until after I get back for this, since Ryan wants to see how it ends...
also, Grandia (which is taking a rather long time to get through... approaching final third of the game) and Radiant Historia (shorter than above but still quite a bit left).

- watch Dr. Who or Batman TAS or Breaking Bad or Seinfeld. The problem with starting multiple series at once is that it takes forever to progress through any of them. -_-

- play SC2 with Johny. Been meaning to get to this, but I honestly don't feel motivated or interested enough to play right now... sigh.

- take out a textbook and study. Japanese has been staring at me for a while now. as well as some other stuff.

- listen to some podcasts. got an app working on the phone and managed sync it with Regen's sermon feed along with some of Tim Keller. Maybe This American Life next. Looking for more things to listen to.

- figure out things I could do in Indonesia. which would be the subject of another list within this list. I find it hard to do much due to limitations in freedom there and the language barrier, not to mention the constant heat + mosquitoes make me feel inclined to stay in the room
most of the time... but we'll see this time.

- nap because considering how late I'm up right now, I'll probably conk out tomorrow.