Persona.

I'm lingering somewhere along the line between obsession and indifference right now. And I honestly can't tell the difference between the two right now. It's all the same thing... one big mess of nothing. Laziness.

Time means nothing to me.

Tick tock. It's the sound of the reaper. Melancholy!

I have this tendency to involuntarily experience seizure-like conditions whenever I truly feel excited about something... Regardless of how I want to react. It's happened to me while playing Smash, Halo, Starcraft, Warcraft, and one time while watching that one scene in Stephen King's Carrie where the title character goes berserk and murders everyone at her high school prom using her psychic powers after getting public humiliated by a cruel prank that also happens to accidentally kill her prom date. Particularly the part where the teacher gets crushed in the abdomen by a falling board.

Did I mention that for a while I actually liked watching Happy Tree Friends? I think I've seen almost 2/3rds of the shorts on that site...

I don't know who I am. Don't ask. But I will say this much.

My life is ruled by uncertainties and whims.

I should probably be more active when I'm around my friends. You know, talk more... while being sensible about it. I have this tendency to play the observer when I'm in a group of three or more because I don't really know or have anything to say. Not worth their time, anyway.

That and I don't give a shit about what I think anymore.

Sometimes I like to wander about aimlessly in public places. Starbucks, Barnes and Noble, Bella Terra, UC Irvine, Central Library, Seacliff Center, HBHS, the 405... I've been there. It passes the time.

I should be grateful for a lot of things. But I don't really show it enough. Not to mention, I worry about a bunch of meaningless things and let jocular insults get to me. I have an overinflated sense of pride when it comes to academics and intellectual things, and... well, I get easily offended if you comment about anything else that applies to my daily life. But I should quit that.

I'm also a hypocrite. Or maybe an immature version of Ivan Fyodorovich Karamazov.

I love you Lord
and I lift my voice
to worship you
oh my soul rejoice
take joy my king
in what you hear
let it be a sweet, sweet sound
in your ear.

My resolution this year is not to be swayed by what other people think. Formulate my own opinions... and stick with them.

This is who I am. This is what I like. This is what I believe.

My name is Ryan SUWAHZA. Now get it right this time.