Mmm. Lately I've been feeling rather anti-social. Well, so to speak, I still do social things I guess. Sometimes. But whenever I'm there I just don't feel in the mood. I just feel like I'd rather be keeping to myself at home, reading my book or playing my adventure game or watching that series I've been meaning to finish. It kills a lot of time. But I know it's not exactly healthy behavior.

I haven't really been giving myself time to reflect or anything like that either. I have moments where I'll tell myself that I should be writing about this, or I should look that up, or whatnot, but I end up forgetting about it later on and then when I actually get to writing something I forget what I intended to write about. I think I've tried to write something on this a number of times over the past week already, but the entry never gets finished, and some other subject comes up later. I dislike the fact that I rarely ever seem to be able to produce a "productive" blog entry until the late hours of the night. Past 2 or so.

Hmmeh. I don't know how to describe my mental state as of now. It's complicated but at the same time it's kinda simple. There are a number of things I feel like I should be doing (Ryan's stupid challenge... >_>) but I haven't been able to push myself to do anything in that regard. I have trouble finding creative outlets or ideas of things I could be doing, and most of the time I feel discouraged from doing anything because in the past my ideas tend to be not fruitful or worthwhile. The kinds of things I like aren't really the kinds of things my family likes (not to mention I'm into a lot of solo-experience things - single player games and whatnot) and I don't really feel the motivation to do something with the family either. With brother, maybe, but that's brother. I don't really know what my parents would want to do.

I've been lacking motivation to do so-called "productive" activities - building up relationships. It takes a lot of effort and commitment to build a relationship, and I've found that I'm pretty lacking in that department. I have trouble committing to my own self as it is, let alone commit to other people. At the moment I just feel like everything is a chore simply because time is always an issue. And it's so tempting to do everything else.

Bah. I don't know what to make of it.