Resolution.

I have a lot more to write here than what's actually gotten on here lately... but I haven't really been finding the words I'd want to say each time. I don't like the fact that actual, thought out posts tend to take me an hour+ to write, and that I only seem to ever find the time to do them when I should be sleeping (see the fact that it's 5:30 in the morning right now). But enough about blogging.

Lately:

- Fall Con
- uncertainty about next year will be like
- conflict.
- I do a lot of things to be consistent, but at the same time I'm pretty inconsistent.

- I've been eating nothing but meat (or rather, things that happen to have some meat?) since the fast ended (plus some eggs I guess...). But after Hot Pot City, which is probably the most meat I've eaten in a month, I kinda realized that meat doesn't really have the same appeal that it used to. I dunno, after a while I got sick of looking at/smelling the meat on the table. I still love seafood though.

- My priorities have been kinda messed up for the past month. Err, they got a bit better this week, but they still keep shifting a lot. One day it'll be work, the next day it'll be people, the next day it'll be games. Still working on it.

- New tentative schedule (>_>):
CS 164 (Programming Languages and Compilers)
CS 194 (Advanced AI)
MCB 167 (Physiological and Genetic Basis of Behavior)
Japanese 1B (more Japanese)
English 198 (Video Games as an Artistic Medium Decal)

Probably will end up dropping something/auditing whatever gets dropped... I don't know what yet. Ironically I'm only waitlisted in my major classes. I will be particularly upset if I don't get into 164, though.

- I need to learn to say no. And SLEEP ON TIME. (speaking of which, it is 6 AM right now.)

- To be frankly honest, I haven't really been trying to listen to God lately. Ironically, though, after a long time of not saying anything even if I tried to listen, he's been addressing my old prayers one after another... and I feel completely off right now, because I have not been in a receiving mindset for any of these answers. I see the potential for really GOOD things right now, but these past two weeks I have just been squandering that potential and not caring.

Of course, right now I care because I'm writing about it, but come tomorrow, at some point I might not. This feels like a total contradiction right now, and I have trouble making sense of why this is even possible, but this is just what happens. Because I keep finding opportunities to put something else in front of God.

At this point, I just need to man up and give up something for once. And I actually came to this resolution last week after Interpraise, but two days into it I totally succumbed and just continued doing what I normally do... but this needs to change now.

I think I am going to give up my lists for a while. This includes everything that I've made a list of on here in the past, until I can figure out how to balance my life and actually live out this calling for once.