I've already grown accustomed to (or rather, immediately grew accustomed to) home life. Quiet life. I think in some sense I was really growing sick of it all the last couple of weeks or so - always feeling a need to see people, either from pressure or guilt by other people or just out of a desire to not have any regrets by the end of it. In fact by the last day in Berkeley I was almost ready to ragequit, cause I was really growing tired of people. Not everything about people, I realize now, but the baggage that comes with them. Conflict, issues left unresolved... and so on.

There was a time prior to college where I used to obsess about being around people. Wherever there was stuff happening. I always had to be at least talking to someone, or out somewhere that wasn't home. It would get to the point where I'd feel depressed when I was stuck at home doing nothing. And now that college has come and gone... I feel like I've overdone being around people to the point where I feel fine being alone for at least a good while now.

I realize that I have this bad tendency to overdo things in general when I attempt them. Overwork myself till I burn out. Overbinge on food or games or shows or whatever till I grow sick of it. Overdo being around people. I never seem to be able to find balance in my life because I'm so used to overdoing things now, that I feel like I'm not doing enough if I'm not overdoing it. Or I'm just really impatient and feeling like I can't get things done without overdoing them. Yes, this thought comes just after binging on two Pokemon game runthroughs in the last week and a half, because I don't have the patience to continue playing Pokemon for an entire month even. I'm done with Pokemon for a good while now (last time I binged was two years ago).

This inability to balance my life out... is the source of much of the personal issues I have right now. Lifestyle issues. And it scares me to think of what might happen once I start living alone, for I don't have that much faith in my ability to control myself once I feel the temptation to just binge on things, whether out of impatience or compulsion. As much as I hate to admit it, I need accountability.

When will I be able to say, enough is enough? When I can be okay with not being productive, but still be productive sometimes? With not always seeing people... but still want to see people?