IM

For a while now I've had this tendency to feel self-conscious about instant messaging. Every time a friend's nearby with a laptop or computer screen on, I can't help but notice how many gchat (or aim back in the day, or webex in the case of work) conversations they usually have ongoing at one time. I mean, I've had moments where I've had several chats going on at once myself, but it's only once in a while. And it makes me wonder why I'm not talking to people as much as the person in front of me.

Some people have asked me in the past why I hardly talk to them [online], generally people who I talked to more often than most to begin with. I dunno. Is it a symptom of something?

Back in the day [read: middle school] when I started using MSN and later AIM, I always had this weird complex about never wanting to IM people because I didn't want to bother them or something like that. In retrospect it shouldn't have been that big a deal, especially considering the kind of things middle schoolers would've talked about anyway... but I don't know how well I got over that. I don't think of it as much, but I still feel irked whenever people don't really respond, even though I do that a lot myself now anyways. It also bothers me when attempts at conversations just end after a few lines. (I'm probably reading too much into it.)

I guess in general, I don't feel like initiating conversations most of the time unless I actually have something to say. Which sucks when I want to talk to someone but don't really have anything to say, so I either end up not initiating or just sitting there if the person happens to be there.

I apologize if you've had to experience the awkwardness of me just sitting there. According to a friend it's cause I like to soak in the presence of other people. "Like a sponge."