Those moments of frustration when you have people you want to see, but for whatever the reason (distance/time/conflicting schedules/inconvenience/lack of responsiveness when you try to initiate/you've grown distant from each other/you don't really know each other that well and they're not the type of person who would want to go out of their way to meet up with someone they don't really know/they don't necessarily want to see you and you don't even know why you want to see them in the first place) you can't. This doesn't bother me all the time, but there have been random moments in the past few months where one stray thought of this sort has come up at night, and I consequently find myself unable to sleep for a few hours. And of course I wake up the next morning wondering what the hell I was thinking.

And for those you do get to see, the feeling of "That's it?" that comes afterwards, because things aren't the same as they were before, and the subjects you wanted to talk about are still left unsaid, and you probably won't talk again for a long time anyway.

Sometimes I feel like I've traded the closeness I felt in college for an abundance of regular friendships and acquaintances with other people I hadn't expected to see. Which is to say that I'm thankful for what I have now, but the feeling of unrest from what's missing is still there. It's hard to find a replacement for late night conversations and man-councils nowadays.