Reflect

I think I'm having one of those silent self moments. It sounds weird but I like going to the library, once in a while, to just waste time on the laptop. On Friday I spent 4 hours looking up music instead of working on my graphics project like I intended to. In spite of my usual time-wasting anxiety, it actually felt good. Although part of that might've been cause I haven't really listened to new and old music in a while.

Is it bad that I like to work alone a lot? I realize that I shut out people whenever I do (hence today... which is why I prefer not to work around people. Oh and sorry if I shut you out today.). Usually it's cause it takes a while for me to process things in my head, so I work better when I have time to think about a problem without talking to anyone, and then discussing with people afterward. If I'm working in a group and I'm just starting to look at the problem, I get lost really fast.

At the same time though, I've had some really good experiences of working with people. And wherever I go to work will probably involve a significant amount of teamwork if anything, which means I should probably let go of this stubborn work-alone mindset at some point. It's just hard for me at the moment. I'm stubborn.

It's ironic cause lately I've been prioritizing people(socially) more than anything. People > work. People > school. People > sleep. I dunno why, considering that I'm not that talkative or anything. I've been getting a pretty decent sleep schedule this semester, except for a few nights like tonight when I've been working on a project, but most of the times I stay up till 5, it's cause I'm talking to someone. And part of me knows I should sleep and whatnot... but I can't say no to people for some reason.

I feel like it's progressed to the point where, in between people and classes and work, I haven't really had that much time to reflect like now. I just feel so rushed everyday, so caught up in the midst of how fast this semester's been progressing that I forget about... everything else, I guess. No time to do anything on any of my lists, anyway. This is actually kind of a repeat of previous semesters, except at some point in the past I would usually break down and force time into doing my entertainment to-do list rather than bother with school. But that hasn't really happened yet this semester.

In all honesty, besides this, I don't really have that much to say about what's going on in my life. Things just happen around me and I move on to the next thing. Last night was a good large group + swing + birthday celebration, but it feels like it happened so long ago since I worked most of today. If someone were to ask me how I'm actually doing... I guess I've been good, since lots of good things have been happening... but I don't really know what else to say?

Reflecting is good cause it makes you realize why you enjoy the things you do, why you feel the way you do. And it helps you remember. I just wish I had more time for it.

Waking up in 4 hours. Baah.