A series of somewhat organized but meandering current thoughts after tonight, when I couldn't say anything in the spur of the moment. I don't normally talk about this to most people unless someone asks and I feel mentally able to at that point (of course most people don't really broach the subject unless you're direct and honest like someone who I really appreciate even though I never really responded back the same way). Which is why I tend towards being quiet and someone asks why I'm so quiet at the opportune time. It's just taken me a long time to get from a point of not knowing much of anything to this half-formed state presently. and I need time to process my thoughts into something cohesive and not just an idea that continuously stabs me when I least expect it to because I'm half-listening to a podcast show from NPR or music in the car while worrying about little day-to-day issues like how am I going to talk to these people today.
My first immediate reaction to this is that I should relax a bit more in general (I think I felt my pulse rise and I feel like I'm having heartburn right now), and yes but no, this matters enough to not leave around hanging to dry. Apologies for the post overload.
(For some reason I randomly jumped from second-person to first-person thoughts in the middle. Oh well.)
---
Hey there. You, yes you.
Okay, it doesn't feel quite as authentic typing it into here this way. (I was having a full out conversation-war with myself earlier.) The process of writing-typing means that inevitably, some thoughts will come out filtered rather than the way they usually do when you're sitting there staring at yourself in the mirror. Which you rarely do because you're too afraid of looking at yourself in the mirror. Too afraid to acknowledge yourself for who you are. All your faults and failings and shortcomings.
You're not the kind of role model you'd hoped you'd be, although even the idea of being a role model doesn't exactly appeal to you. Who would look up to you? Who should look up to you? You feel like people are better off with someone better, more upright and stronger in their values and beliefs. That's why you never even bothered trying to work with younger folks, kids, mentoring roles. and good lord, don't even think about discipling someone, because your beliefs probably are too far marginalized from the norm and wouldn't necessarily conform well enough.
Okay. Maybe that wasn't the right term to use, but you know it's true. You're too afraid of sticking out like a sore thumb, being the one voice that dares to question what the leader says even when it springs up doubts in you. But instead it leads you to start thinking more judgmentally about your fellow Christians around you, because obviously you know better (but remember, be humble so not really) and wow you can't believe he didn't know that? No, the Bible doesn't explicitly condemn alcohol itself except when it's in excess as in drunkenness, and with Leviticus it's pertains to specifically when entering the tent of meeting and not in general (but you just read Leviticus so of course you know that now). but particulars aside, it's not about the knowledge so much as it is about what you do with it, right?
[how can you not know your own religion?]
You're too afraid of becoming sucked into an insular community - one that isn't in touch with the lives of those outside it in completely different areas. When people mention that they don't have many people they can pray for who aren't experiencing God and you feel completely the opposite way, and your pray for five is more like pray for everyone and help me I need prayer too. Because you choose to remain in those areas yourself? Because you yourself don't feel like you're experiencing God the same way? It's been a long time since you last heard anything coherent except you don't really know whether you heard anything to begin with or if that was just wishful thinking or you just aren't really trying to listen right now. If it weren't for the past...
[the only thing is that you can ask your god for help. I cannot.]
All you have left is this voice in your head that you think is just you yourself except you aren't consciously fully aware of how much of what it's saying is coming from you. The little things it says that leave you second-guessing and makes you wonder if you're really just crazy and talking to yourself. And when you're going about your day to day, you don't want to listen to it or confront it because it'll just remind you of all the issues you ought to be confronting right now but you aren't because you just want to play your game again or do whatever it is you feel like at this moment. When instead you should figure out what you really believe, and WHY you believe it. and don't just go along with the flow because you want it to be true. Could you look at yourself in the mirror and admit, "this is who I am" ? Why are you here right now?
[he just wants to know that this is the truth.]
You haven't been fair or honest to him, to be honest. And he or it or somebody's been giving you all of these chances that you've been throwing out to just continue doing your own thing. You said to your friend that it's all on the table now, [woe is the life of a skeptic], but is it really? You still can't comfortably talk to someone and tell them that this is what you really believe, and you aren't really acting on what you say you ought to believe, but you're still around here somewhere. You're still here. Waiting for the right person to come up to you and really ask how you're doing, without the pressure of a dozen eyes all watching at once to see or hear your testimony of where you're at right now, at a point where the more you learn, the more you read, the more you grow unsure of the experiences you thought you had and start chalking it mostly up to your own will. I'm here because I decided to be here years ago. And I believe what I did was right.
and that's why... I respect those who came to their own conclusions, because for whatever the reason, I seem to be unable to fully settle. but I stand here on one side of the fence because I still believe that there's still something to be gained by being here that I wouldn't be receiving from were I not. The reliable consistency of a weekly community, the opportunity to talk about personal issues where you wouldn't feel comfortable elsewhere even if you haven't fully broached those topics that bother you. the backwards part of my conscience that affirms that I'm here because I should be here, because where would I be otherwise? Not caring at all, and an indifferent life is by no means a better one.
I wish the answers were simpler. I have no right to condemn anyone, and I feel ambivalent about whether or not God really would also right now, considering the picture that we see of Jesus seems so different from the Father of the Old Testament even though his beliefs may not stray far at all. Of course reading through the OT hasn't been so reassuring. The entire world of that time period just feels messed up like most of human history. And you wonder, was it really all that necessary for this? To teach a lesson to us now? What about the people who went through it then? What choice did they have? And why doesn't history corroborate it so much? It's not flattering, it's not pretty, and it doesn't seem right so much to us now, the picture of him that we get from it.
It was both on them and God, but moreso God. Not so much a Calvinist interpretation, but a sovereign synergist one. But that lends itself towards an non-permanent hell which might not jive with anyone theologically, for where is the consensual basis for it. But how can you really be debating theology like this when you haven't even settled the most basic question: do you really believe right now? Do you really, deep down inside, want to see and trust him now? Trust in someone you can't really perceive?
I cannot conceive of the ways. The how. The why. I think it's unfair to pin the blame all on God for this state of affairs. Sometimes it feels more like people prefer to stick with being atheist as a reaction because if God really existed then they'd have to unleash a lot of anger and ugly thoughts on him, they'd have someone to blame it all on, and it'd make the situation that much worse to confront. How could you set up this sick, twisted situation, this illusion that compels us to do the wrong thing because it's easy. Because it's appealing. Because we're just messed up and built that way. Job was no better an answer than a bitch-slap to the face. And there's something relieving and comforting about realizing that you don't really have a reason for being mad at someone who doesn't even exist.
But all this talking about God and not really doing anything about it. What do you have to say to me now.
I'm sorry. For being stubborn. and choosing to fall back on behaviors that I know I shouldn't do regardless of where I am right now.
I sat there during worship, my head abuzz like there was a war going on between me, myself, and God. It's like what Sang mentioned about the introvert mind. It just feels like a storm or hurricane that never really stops, when all the external crap is over, it's always still there. I wanted to cover my face right there because I was falling somewhere between asleep and half-dreaming and going mad at the words I was hearing from that voice or saying to myself at the same time, second-guessing the basis of everything in my life and challenging me to do something about it when I didn't have a journal and pen handy to process all of this input because I didn't plan ahead properly for a worship and prayer night after a long drought of all times. Imperfectly played worship music has that kind of an odd effect on me like that... but it's also why I don't like listening to recorded album-quality contemporary worship music either, because it ironically doesn't feel authentic enough to my personal experience even though the music we play is trying to reproduce it.
Have you had enough of your life now? Are you satisfied with leaving it all up to the whims of a seemingly capricious maker who would actually know more than he's letting on because we just suck at interpreting things we can't understand (but why didn't you make it any more reasonable for us then?) and puts us into situations that he already knows the resolution to? It would be so much easier and probably logical to say that it's much simpler than that, and we're just making much ado out of nothing like we tend to do with those conspiracy theories and such. Sagan had a point after all. I have half a mind to guess whether or not a number of the experiences I've heard were as real as others have made them out to be, and I'm afraid of what I hear coming from the words of the more vocally devout of the bunch, those prayer warriors. Passion and ecstasy without total knowledge or the full truth is a terrifying sight to behold... for how it could go wrong. But I still somehow respect it for being passion. and full of life, all be it a somewhat foreign one to me.
Sometimes I worry that we're all just misguided about the truth in some way. I'm almost anti-people-who-are-completely-sure-of-themselves, but that can get annoying fast, because most of the time we need people who are sure of themselves even when certainty isn't there, or else we'd never move aywhere. And that thought in itself is my own certain belief so I'm just contradicting myself.
Thoughts aside, I'm hardly all that loving or even trying that hard on a regular basis, so long as it's convenient to, and I look up to those who demonstrate so much greater capacity to love others as themselves and can give up so much, regardless of who or what they are. And that's what matters foremost to me... And I should act on it more and not just settle for achieving some kind of resolution in my beliefs. Faith without works is dead.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
but really, it's been a while.
I've probably said this before here, but apathy is a dangerous state of mind to be in.
I set out all of these mini-side-goal-projects that I wanted to undertake after moving, but naturally, whenever I come home after work nowadays, all I really want to do is just veg out on the couch. Play some of whatever game I'm playing at the moment on the list that never ends, and oh I'm so impatient I have to finish this now because I've been waiting to play this for years!
(well technically, for Front Mission 5, it's been at least since Fall 2010/this post since the original reason I soldered my PS2 in the first place was so I could get it in a working state to play that game, hence the need for a swap magic and a fliptop since the game was a Japan import... which I negated by playing the game on my desktop now. although granted, I didn't have a desktop capable of emulating a PS2 game for another year and a half, by which point I was holding off on the game to finish Front Mission 2...)
Digression aside, I've been in a sort of an anti-people mood ever since moving. It seems that when you actually have all of the time/space in the world to yourself at a place you can call home, the natural thing to do is to recede away from all of those social commitments that you were otherwise so concerned with months ago. It's like now that I don't have to see the same people everyday... I end up just going for a long period without really talking to anyone. But my mind is so preoccupied with the random crap that I usually busy myself with when I'm left to my devices that I don't notice so much except to make an offhand comment in my head about how I haven't had a real conversation with anyone for a while. I mean, I technically still see people around... just not with any sort of consistency or real length. Whatever happened to those deep talks, long walks, moments of self-reflection? I haven't even journaled in a long time either.
I don't really feel lonely like I did when I was struggling with stuff before, though. Now, I just don't really care... or it just feels like an afterthought. The concerns that would've depressed me before just feel like nothing now. But it still doesn't quite feel right.
Sometimes I wonder why I bother doing the things I still do despite of this, though. Like as habit left over from a better time. Still somehow filling up my schedule to the point where the calendar doesn't really look that free after all. Still responding to people (kind of) when they do talk to me. Still going out to church and small group because I just do. Like there ought to be a better reason for all of that, I ought to have better intentions in mind and my heart in the right place and in sync with my head because that's what we basically talked about during the Healing Path. And when I do try (half-heartedly?) to reach out to some folks and people don't respond, I still wonder for a moment after, why do I even bother?
It's clear to me mentally that not all is right, the constant hum-drum of just allowing time to pass by and continuous preoccupation and lack of contact and random dabbling in different activities with no end in sight... because there could still be something better than all of that. There was a time when I still actively hoped for better moments to come and tried to work towards those things, but right now after having random bouts of cynicism and cycles of ups and downs and getting through everything up to this point, I just feel like reveling in being complacent with where I am right now and not caring... because sometimes that's just what the world feels like. Not caring.
I'm able to write this now because just yesterday and today all of a sudden, I feel more awake and somewhat conscious of my current state whereas before I wasn't really even giving much thought on it. (Really, obsessively playing Puzzle and Dragons focusing on anything does a number to your introspective life.) I feel like I haven't really tried hard enough to make the most out of the circumstances I've been given, not really reaching out to people that much and settling for staying up late every night to "consume" entertainment. I'll probably even go home and continue that cycle after writing this if I don't try any harder.
What am I really living for right now? To merely exist? and nothing more?
I've got problems to solve and not enough of a mind awake to solve them so far... but at any rate, here's to hopefully making this coming week livelier than the last.
I set out all of these mini-side-goal-projects that I wanted to undertake after moving, but naturally, whenever I come home after work nowadays, all I really want to do is just veg out on the couch. Play some of whatever game I'm playing at the moment on the list that never ends, and oh I'm so impatient I have to finish this now because I've been waiting to play this for years!
(well technically, for Front Mission 5, it's been at least since Fall 2010/this post since the original reason I soldered my PS2 in the first place was so I could get it in a working state to play that game, hence the need for a swap magic and a fliptop since the game was a Japan import... which I negated by playing the game on my desktop now. although granted, I didn't have a desktop capable of emulating a PS2 game for another year and a half, by which point I was holding off on the game to finish Front Mission 2...)
Digression aside, I've been in a sort of an anti-people mood ever since moving. It seems that when you actually have all of the time/space in the world to yourself at a place you can call home, the natural thing to do is to recede away from all of those social commitments that you were otherwise so concerned with months ago. It's like now that I don't have to see the same people everyday... I end up just going for a long period without really talking to anyone. But my mind is so preoccupied with the random crap that I usually busy myself with when I'm left to my devices that I don't notice so much except to make an offhand comment in my head about how I haven't had a real conversation with anyone for a while. I mean, I technically still see people around... just not with any sort of consistency or real length. Whatever happened to those deep talks, long walks, moments of self-reflection? I haven't even journaled in a long time either.
I don't really feel lonely like I did when I was struggling with stuff before, though. Now, I just don't really care... or it just feels like an afterthought. The concerns that would've depressed me before just feel like nothing now. But it still doesn't quite feel right.
Sometimes I wonder why I bother doing the things I still do despite of this, though. Like as habit left over from a better time. Still somehow filling up my schedule to the point where the calendar doesn't really look that free after all. Still responding to people (kind of) when they do talk to me. Still going out to church and small group because I just do. Like there ought to be a better reason for all of that, I ought to have better intentions in mind and my heart in the right place and in sync with my head because that's what we basically talked about during the Healing Path. And when I do try (half-heartedly?) to reach out to some folks and people don't respond, I still wonder for a moment after, why do I even bother?
It's clear to me mentally that not all is right, the constant hum-drum of just allowing time to pass by and continuous preoccupation and lack of contact and random dabbling in different activities with no end in sight... because there could still be something better than all of that. There was a time when I still actively hoped for better moments to come and tried to work towards those things, but right now after having random bouts of cynicism and cycles of ups and downs and getting through everything up to this point, I just feel like reveling in being complacent with where I am right now and not caring... because sometimes that's just what the world feels like. Not caring.
I'm able to write this now because just yesterday and today all of a sudden, I feel more awake and somewhat conscious of my current state whereas before I wasn't really even giving much thought on it. (Really, obsessively
What am I really living for right now? To merely exist? and nothing more?
I've got problems to solve and not enough of a mind awake to solve them so far... but at any rate, here's to hopefully making this coming week livelier than the last.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
ongoing
I haven't really had the motivation to write much... of anything lately, compounded with a random dabbling into a bunch of other things that have mostly preoccupied my time for the past several weeks. More serious post to follow later. But anyway, in no particular order:
- Puzzle and Dragons. Coworkers have been obsessively playing this smartphone game that plays like a cross between Pokemon and Bejeweled for the past couple of months, and of course with it being a combination of my two historically worst past obsessions.... (I still can't get over the fact that being late for EE40 that one summer cause I'd been playing Pokemon at home that day cost me a homework assignment that eventually brought me down a letter grade >_>)
But I got tired of farming marine goblins to try and max skill-up my Siren (she's only one skill rank away... and I think I've fed her ~50 goblins already) so I think I'm done with the game for now... aside from logging in everyday for the free pal points and rerolling the egg machine in hopes of getting a blue or white dragon. But enough esoteric game jargon.
- I bought a new laptop on a spring break deal a few weeks back (Lappy2's warranty expires this month anyway) and it finally came in the other day, so Lappy3 is now official. And it's so fast and quiet! I'm starting to warm up to Windows 8 - once you get past the annoyingly unintuitive user interface and figure out where all the configuration stuff is, it plays out pretty smoothly, although it still feels like it really wants to be a touchscreen tablet when it's not. I hear that the newest update coming up is meant to bring back the Start button again, so that'll be a plus once that comes around.
- Yo La Tengo round 2 in SF with Elan and the others was great. Not as mind-blowingly euphoric for me personally as Stars was, although I actually like Yo La Tengo more as a band. They played a mellow acoustic set matching the tone of most of their new album, Fade, following by a rock set in the second half, which meant that my ears were shot after the concert cause I happened to be standing right next to the speakers in front of the stage, and I could feel the sound reverberations pass through me. Most of my favorite songs of theirs are whenever Georgia sings... I love her voice so much. Even better when it's flowing smoothly on top of her constant drumming while Ira's pounding on his rock guitar.
On another note, I kind of have to learn to not feel disappointed when a band doesn't happen to play the song you want them to play, especially for a band like Yo La Tengo that's been around longer than I've been alive (Ira touted it as a joke during the concert haha) and whose discography and repertoire of cover songs is so big that I'm still discovering new songs I like from their older works. I was secretly hoping for From a Motel 6, which they apparently played the day before in LA, or Little Eyes... but they performed Beanbag Chair, which pretty much was high school for me, as a surprise (Ira: "The bad part of having a new album out is I don't often get to say stuff like this anymore... This is a song from I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass.") so I'm pretty happy anyway. I also got a second poster of them now! Now how to put those posters up...
They apparently did an encore performance with Damages the day after we saw them, which likely was due to a request made by a guy standing next to us at the merchandise counter when Ira was there talking to us. Ken asked him if the origin of the band's name having to do with a classic baseball story was true, and apparently although the story itself is true, the name choice was more because they don't speak Spanish and just like the sound of "Yo La Tengo." Figures haha.
- Ever since I introduced my brother to Gypsy and Into the Woods over winter break, every time I come home now he's singing songs from musicals. I've gotten him hooked, and I even surprisingly caught him singing from musicals that I'd seen but never mentioned to him before, such as Anything Goes and A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Forum. We have our own little inside joke recognize-the-reference hive mind going on haha. He even bought a book that indexes all of the Broadway musicals of the past century that he thought I'd like. :D
Speaking of Into the Woods, I'm really looking forward to the upcoming movie adaptation of it that Disney is doing. Not sure how it'll turn out persay, but I'm hoping the book + lyrics will at least hold up anyway... even though the Sweeney Todd and Les Mis movies felt a little off in the past. Into the Woods is probably my favorite musical right now [not seen live yet, though] because I'm into those works that combine the different fairy tales into one setting, ever since seeing that one random episode of Rocko's Modern Life when I was little (although in retrospect, that show probably isn't appropriate for kids... I still shudder when I remember the nudist episode. and it aired on Nickelodeon of all places). And yes, I've seen the first season of Once Upon a Time on recommendation... it was okay. I don't really feel like continuing it though... unless I run out of other things to do, which probably won't happen anytime soon.
But anyway, up next on the works that run in this fairy tale style list, I've been meaning to start reading the comic series Fables since Telltale announced that they would be releasing a new episodic adventure game series for it, The Wolf Among Us, after their success with The Walking Dead. Should be fun.
- Speaking of comics, Free Comic Book day was on the 4th (first Saturday of May annually). I checked out a local comic book store and it turns out they just give out free sample issues made specifically for that day, although it's a good way to check out new series that you aren't familiar with and help pay patronage to your local store. I went ahead and bought the first volumes of Fables and Neil Gaiman's Sandman there, and noticed that the store had a decent selection of manga, or least Tezuka's works, and artbooks like Hyrule Historia also, along with a bunch of the Batman trade paperbacks I looked up a year ago when I was trying to figure out the chronological reading order I wanted to go through. I feel a little mixed though cause most of it's cheaper on Amazon... maybe I'll buy a bit from both.
I have a new craving now to add a comic book collection to my in-progress library... that's currently over-saturated with books I haven't gotten around to yet for a bookshelf that hasn't come in yet. But I kinda already started with the complete Calvin and Hobbes and the two volumes mentioned above. I also have a complete set of Tintin books sitting at home in socal from when I was growing up, and I'm looking into more manga also - namely Nausicaa, some Tezuka series like Phoenix and Buddha, Akira, One Piece, and maybe some Urasawa favorites [Pluto, Monster, 20th Century Boys] and Asano [Nijigahara Holograph, Solanin, What a Wonderful World] or Kitoh {Bokurano, Narutaru: Shadow Star] or Yukimura [Planetes, Vinland Saga] or even some Detective Conan for nostalgia's sake. Figured it would be nice to support the industry for once, considering how easy it is to find free scanlations going around online usually. I took a look at the Peanuts collection also but they're really expensive even for comics... but agh, too many to list.
- ongoing series progress:
1. Front Mission. Finally finished the second game, read up on the third and fourth games... which are more standalone and not as interesting to me compared to the first two anyway, and then realized that rather than using the PS2, which had a good life anyway, I could just emulate the fifth game on my desktop with better looking graphics and resolution. And it's so pretty now! compared to all of the previous games anyway; it came out in 2005 so it's still a little old relatively speaking. This will probably preoccupy me for the next couple of weeks.
It's hard to keep track of all of the subtle references that the fifth game makes to all of the other works in the franchise, as it's more of a final big picture kind of game compared to the spatially and temporally focused first four games, but I enjoy piecing all of the puzzle pieces together (and popped open the DS to revisit the first game at the same time). It's like seeing a decades long work in progress finally pay off, big time.
2. Been gradually going through Mobile Suit Gundam from the beginning - specifically the series in the original Universal Century timeline, so no Wing or other recent stuff (viewing order: 0079 movie trilogy, Zeta Gundam, Double Zeta, Char's Counterattack, and then Unicorn; I'm currently finishing up Zeta). It's odd cause when I was younger, I never really took an interest in mecha-related series. I did watch Evangelion and Code Geass in high school, but those were more for the drama than for the robotic suits themselves.
I kinda decided to watch the original MSG compilation movie trilogy on a whim last year and found myself really getting into the combat despite how outdated the art style was (see the original opening - I showed my friend this and he couldn't stop laughing at how campy it was with the music haha). The Amuro-Char rivalry that permeates the series feels very epic and is one of the more classic ones in anime history also, even though Amuro can be kind of annoying at times (but Kamille is even more annoying omg). I have to say seeing him reappear in Zeta for the first time perked me up a bit, if only because I like see continuity between successive works and characters that change over time, here in a literal sense, and seeing both Amuro and Char mature into legendary pilots over successive works separated by years is intriguing to watch.
3. Finished Battlestar Galactica. I enjoyed the ride, although I'm not sure what I was expecting out of the end - it didn't exactly leave a "void" in my heart like some others suggested (although I kinda blame Legend of the Galactic Heroes for setting the bar for that). I mean it ended well, but I guess I was expecting more from the antagonists considering how the series had been building up, for lack of spoilers. But it was fun while it lasted.
4. Rewatching Arrested Development in preparation for the fourth season coming out on Netflix. It's been so long since I last watched it all that it almost feels like re-experiencing the series for the first time, even though I still remember of the more memorable moments. It's even more funny catching jokes and references that you didn't get the first time around: I mentioned earlier that I watched Gypsy, and then in one of the first season episodes Lucille goes on a tirade singing lines from the finale of that musical, Rose's Turn ("Mama's all alone, Mama doesn't care"), and my brother and I both caught it. And even in a later episode she says, "How do you like them eggrolls, Mr. Goldstone?" So great haha.
5. Not really something I'm playing right now, but Ace Attorney 5 is coming to the US this fall!!! It's digital-only though, but I guess it's better than nothing. Aside from Phoenix and Apollo, Edgeworth and Trucy are coming back! So excited! Now if only they'd localize Layton vs. Wright...
- Puzzle and Dragons. Coworkers have been obsessively playing this smartphone game that plays like a cross between Pokemon and Bejeweled for the past couple of months, and of course with it being a combination of my two historically worst past obsessions.... (I still can't get over the fact that being late for EE40 that one summer cause I'd been playing Pokemon at home that day cost me a homework assignment that eventually brought me down a letter grade >_>)
But I got tired of farming marine goblins to try and max skill-up my Siren (she's only one skill rank away... and I think I've fed her ~50 goblins already) so I think I'm done with the game for now... aside from logging in everyday for the free pal points and rerolling the egg machine in hopes of getting a blue or white dragon. But enough esoteric game jargon.
- I bought a new laptop on a spring break deal a few weeks back (Lappy2's warranty expires this month anyway) and it finally came in the other day, so Lappy3 is now official. And it's so fast and quiet! I'm starting to warm up to Windows 8 - once you get past the annoyingly unintuitive user interface and figure out where all the configuration stuff is, it plays out pretty smoothly, although it still feels like it really wants to be a touchscreen tablet when it's not. I hear that the newest update coming up is meant to bring back the Start button again, so that'll be a plus once that comes around.
- Yo La Tengo round 2 in SF with Elan and the others was great. Not as mind-blowingly euphoric for me personally as Stars was, although I actually like Yo La Tengo more as a band. They played a mellow acoustic set matching the tone of most of their new album, Fade, following by a rock set in the second half, which meant that my ears were shot after the concert cause I happened to be standing right next to the speakers in front of the stage, and I could feel the sound reverberations pass through me. Most of my favorite songs of theirs are whenever Georgia sings... I love her voice so much. Even better when it's flowing smoothly on top of her constant drumming while Ira's pounding on his rock guitar.
On another note, I kind of have to learn to not feel disappointed when a band doesn't happen to play the song you want them to play, especially for a band like Yo La Tengo that's been around longer than I've been alive (Ira touted it as a joke during the concert haha) and whose discography and repertoire of cover songs is so big that I'm still discovering new songs I like from their older works. I was secretly hoping for From a Motel 6, which they apparently played the day before in LA, or Little Eyes... but they performed Beanbag Chair, which pretty much was high school for me, as a surprise (Ira: "The bad part of having a new album out is I don't often get to say stuff like this anymore... This is a song from I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass.") so I'm pretty happy anyway. I also got a second poster of them now! Now how to put those posters up...
They apparently did an encore performance with Damages the day after we saw them, which likely was due to a request made by a guy standing next to us at the merchandise counter when Ira was there talking to us. Ken asked him if the origin of the band's name having to do with a classic baseball story was true, and apparently although the story itself is true, the name choice was more because they don't speak Spanish and just like the sound of "Yo La Tengo." Figures haha.
- Ever since I introduced my brother to Gypsy and Into the Woods over winter break, every time I come home now he's singing songs from musicals. I've gotten him hooked, and I even surprisingly caught him singing from musicals that I'd seen but never mentioned to him before, such as Anything Goes and A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Forum. We have our own little inside joke recognize-the-reference hive mind going on haha. He even bought a book that indexes all of the Broadway musicals of the past century that he thought I'd like. :D
Speaking of Into the Woods, I'm really looking forward to the upcoming movie adaptation of it that Disney is doing. Not sure how it'll turn out persay, but I'm hoping the book + lyrics will at least hold up anyway... even though the Sweeney Todd and Les Mis movies felt a little off in the past. Into the Woods is probably my favorite musical right now [not seen live yet, though] because I'm into those works that combine the different fairy tales into one setting, ever since seeing that one random episode of Rocko's Modern Life when I was little (although in retrospect, that show probably isn't appropriate for kids... I still shudder when I remember the nudist episode. and it aired on Nickelodeon of all places). And yes, I've seen the first season of Once Upon a Time on recommendation... it was okay. I don't really feel like continuing it though... unless I run out of other things to do, which probably won't happen anytime soon.
But anyway, up next on the works that run in this fairy tale style list, I've been meaning to start reading the comic series Fables since Telltale announced that they would be releasing a new episodic adventure game series for it, The Wolf Among Us, after their success with The Walking Dead. Should be fun.
- Speaking of comics, Free Comic Book day was on the 4th (first Saturday of May annually). I checked out a local comic book store and it turns out they just give out free sample issues made specifically for that day, although it's a good way to check out new series that you aren't familiar with and help pay patronage to your local store. I went ahead and bought the first volumes of Fables and Neil Gaiman's Sandman there, and noticed that the store had a decent selection of manga, or least Tezuka's works, and artbooks like Hyrule Historia also, along with a bunch of the Batman trade paperbacks I looked up a year ago when I was trying to figure out the chronological reading order I wanted to go through. I feel a little mixed though cause most of it's cheaper on Amazon... maybe I'll buy a bit from both.
I have a new craving now to add a comic book collection to my in-progress library... that's currently over-saturated with books I haven't gotten around to yet for a bookshelf that hasn't come in yet. But I kinda already started with the complete Calvin and Hobbes and the two volumes mentioned above. I also have a complete set of Tintin books sitting at home in socal from when I was growing up, and I'm looking into more manga also - namely Nausicaa, some Tezuka series like Phoenix and Buddha, Akira, One Piece, and maybe some Urasawa favorites [Pluto, Monster, 20th Century Boys] and Asano [Nijigahara Holograph, Solanin, What a Wonderful World] or Kitoh {Bokurano, Narutaru: Shadow Star] or Yukimura [Planetes, Vinland Saga] or even some Detective Conan for nostalgia's sake. Figured it would be nice to support the industry for once, considering how easy it is to find free scanlations going around online usually. I took a look at the Peanuts collection also but they're really expensive even for comics... but agh, too many to list.
- ongoing series progress:
1. Front Mission. Finally finished the second game, read up on the third and fourth games... which are more standalone and not as interesting to me compared to the first two anyway, and then realized that rather than using the PS2, which had a good life anyway, I could just emulate the fifth game on my desktop with better looking graphics and resolution. And it's so pretty now! compared to all of the previous games anyway; it came out in 2005 so it's still a little old relatively speaking. This will probably preoccupy me for the next couple of weeks.
It's hard to keep track of all of the subtle references that the fifth game makes to all of the other works in the franchise, as it's more of a final big picture kind of game compared to the spatially and temporally focused first four games, but I enjoy piecing all of the puzzle pieces together (and popped open the DS to revisit the first game at the same time). It's like seeing a decades long work in progress finally pay off, big time.
2. Been gradually going through Mobile Suit Gundam from the beginning - specifically the series in the original Universal Century timeline, so no Wing or other recent stuff (viewing order: 0079 movie trilogy, Zeta Gundam, Double Zeta, Char's Counterattack, and then Unicorn; I'm currently finishing up Zeta). It's odd cause when I was younger, I never really took an interest in mecha-related series. I did watch Evangelion and Code Geass in high school, but those were more for the drama than for the robotic suits themselves.
I kinda decided to watch the original MSG compilation movie trilogy on a whim last year and found myself really getting into the combat despite how outdated the art style was (see the original opening - I showed my friend this and he couldn't stop laughing at how campy it was with the music haha). The Amuro-Char rivalry that permeates the series feels very epic and is one of the more classic ones in anime history also, even though Amuro can be kind of annoying at times (but Kamille is even more annoying omg). I have to say seeing him reappear in Zeta for the first time perked me up a bit, if only because I like see continuity between successive works and characters that change over time, here in a literal sense, and seeing both Amuro and Char mature into legendary pilots over successive works separated by years is intriguing to watch.
3. Finished Battlestar Galactica. I enjoyed the ride, although I'm not sure what I was expecting out of the end - it didn't exactly leave a "void" in my heart like some others suggested (although I kinda blame Legend of the Galactic Heroes for setting the bar for that). I mean it ended well, but I guess I was expecting more from the antagonists considering how the series had been building up, for lack of spoilers. But it was fun while it lasted.
4. Rewatching Arrested Development in preparation for the fourth season coming out on Netflix. It's been so long since I last watched it all that it almost feels like re-experiencing the series for the first time, even though I still remember of the more memorable moments. It's even more funny catching jokes and references that you didn't get the first time around: I mentioned earlier that I watched Gypsy, and then in one of the first season episodes Lucille goes on a tirade singing lines from the finale of that musical, Rose's Turn ("Mama's all alone, Mama doesn't care"), and my brother and I both caught it. And even in a later episode she says, "How do you like them eggrolls, Mr. Goldstone?" So great haha.
5. Not really something I'm playing right now, but Ace Attorney 5 is coming to the US this fall!!! It's digital-only though, but I guess it's better than nothing. Aside from Phoenix and Apollo, Edgeworth and Trucy are coming back! So excited! Now if only they'd localize Layton vs. Wright...
Friday, April 19, 2013
quickie
The message isn't immediate, but it's urgent.
- Dreamed three nights ago that everyone from Choice died in a plane crash. Woke up feeling depressed. Don't remember the first dream from two nights ago but I remember waking up in the middle of the night and thinking it was about as bad as the night before. And then I fell asleep into another dream where my old piano teacher was chastising me for not being able to play two chords in succession even though I haven't seriously played in a decade. When I woke up, I realized that the sound she was expecting me to play wasn't a fifth interval below like she claimed.
(I only know that because I took a sight-singing class, not from piano.)
- Been randomly reminded lately I don't like standing out or being the center of attention- although this applies to more than social settings. I'm most comfortable when no one notices me [so I can freelystalk I mean observe people]. Every time I surprise one of my housemates by mysteriously disappearing and then reappearing later (because they don't notice me leaving), it almost feels like a badge of triumph. Although I should probably stop doing that and not give my old roommate more reasons to call me ninja Ryan. Okay, I'm reveling in this a bit too much.
This kind of ties into my aversion at being seen doing everyday things or randomly running into people who recognize me, which is why I tend to act rather shady whenever I notice someone before they notice me. Honestly, half of the time when I see someone I know [that I wasn't expecting to see], my default instinct is to hide from their sight rather than greet them. No offense intended cause I do it to everyone at some point.
- Going by this blog it would probably seem like there is always something on my mind. Which is probably mostly true, except for those times where all I want to do is be distracted by something because I'm too tired to even passively ponder. Ironically, that's partly why I grew up enjoying turn-based RPG's. If you're not familiar with the genre it looks mostly boring to watch... compared to first person shooters or action games or say Starcraft. One of my friends tends to call most of the games I play generic which is more of a pronouncement on the genre itself because the games in question weren't really that generic to begin with - except for the Tales games, but those are well-made generic games that happen to still be pretty fun anyway.
But back on topic, I tried explaining to Harrison a few years ago [while playing what I think was Digital Devil Saga] that I tend to play these games when I don't feel like thinking and I don't think he really understood it well. Maybe it's for the journey and the illusionary sense of accomplishment and the number-crunching and the lack of stress...
- Loneliness is state of mind or reaction to being alone. I would feel less lonely in general if I didn't know what other people I knew were doing at this moment, and I suppose habitual Facebook usage is partly to blame for a lot of those times where I do start feeling down for no real significant reason. But when that's not occupying my attention, then I could hardly care less about being alone. I'm pretty accustomed to doing things on my own anyway, even though it's nice to do them with other people when the opportunity arises. "Introvert time" at coffee shops is becoming one of my favorite pastimes now. It helps that I actually drink lattes now.
- Living alone again for the first time in a year and a half. It feels surreal.
- Dreamed three nights ago that everyone from Choice died in a plane crash. Woke up feeling depressed. Don't remember the first dream from two nights ago but I remember waking up in the middle of the night and thinking it was about as bad as the night before. And then I fell asleep into another dream where my old piano teacher was chastising me for not being able to play two chords in succession even though I haven't seriously played in a decade. When I woke up, I realized that the sound she was expecting me to play wasn't a fifth interval below like she claimed.
(I only know that because I took a sight-singing class, not from piano.)
- Been randomly reminded lately I don't like standing out or being the center of attention- although this applies to more than social settings. I'm most comfortable when no one notices me [so I can freely
This kind of ties into my aversion at being seen doing everyday things or randomly running into people who recognize me, which is why I tend to act rather shady whenever I notice someone before they notice me. Honestly, half of the time when I see someone I know [that I wasn't expecting to see], my default instinct is to hide from their sight rather than greet them. No offense intended cause I do it to everyone at some point.
- Going by this blog it would probably seem like there is always something on my mind. Which is probably mostly true, except for those times where all I want to do is be distracted by something because I'm too tired to even passively ponder. Ironically, that's partly why I grew up enjoying turn-based RPG's. If you're not familiar with the genre it looks mostly boring to watch... compared to first person shooters or action games or say Starcraft. One of my friends tends to call most of the games I play generic which is more of a pronouncement on the genre itself because the games in question weren't really that generic to begin with - except for the Tales games, but those are well-made generic games that happen to still be pretty fun anyway.
But back on topic, I tried explaining to Harrison a few years ago [while playing what I think was Digital Devil Saga] that I tend to play these games when I don't feel like thinking and I don't think he really understood it well. Maybe it's for the journey and the illusionary sense of accomplishment and the number-crunching and the lack of stress...
- Loneliness is state of mind or reaction to being alone. I would feel less lonely in general if I didn't know what other people I knew were doing at this moment, and I suppose habitual Facebook usage is partly to blame for a lot of those times where I do start feeling down for no real significant reason. But when that's not occupying my attention, then I could hardly care less about being alone. I'm pretty accustomed to doing things on my own anyway, even though it's nice to do them with other people when the opportunity arises. "Introvert time" at coffee shops is becoming one of my favorite pastimes now. It helps that I actually drink lattes now.
- Living alone again for the first time in a year and a half. It feels surreal.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Twin Peaks
Through the darkness of future's past,
the magician longs to see.
One chants out between two worlds...
"Fire walk with me."
So I started watching Twin Peaks- the 90's murder mystery show created by Mark Frost and David Lynch- over the weekend, and now I am equal parts obsessed and terrified. Most of the time the show is just strange, quirky, and at times eerie (per David Lynch fashion - see Mulholland Drive), but for the few moments where the show breaks past the surrealism barrier and into the realm of unconscious nightmares, I almost couldn't bear to watch even though I just had to keep going. And then I'd close my eyes to go to bed after finishing an episode and I'd see that face. D: D: D:
the magician longs to see.
One chants out between two worlds...
"Fire walk with me."
So I started watching Twin Peaks- the 90's murder mystery show created by Mark Frost and David Lynch- over the weekend, and now I am equal parts obsessed and terrified. Most of the time the show is just strange, quirky, and at times eerie (per David Lynch fashion - see Mulholland Drive), but for the few moments where the show breaks past the surrealism barrier and into the realm of unconscious nightmares, I almost couldn't bear to watch even though I just had to keep going. And then I'd close my eyes to go to bed after finishing an episode and I'd see that face. D: D: D:
If just for those moments, it's probably the most terrifying show I've ever seen, and I haven't even reached the big reveal episode yet oh my god I just did and it was even more traumatic than I expected ****.
It's unfortunate that the show was forced to end on a cliffhanger, though... and after 23 years, with no sign of a continuation in sight. And Lynch doesn't seem to have any interest in finishing the story after his follow-up movie to the series got panned by the public. It's disappointing... but such is life, I guess.
It's unfortunate that the show was forced to end on a cliffhanger, though... and after 23 years, with no sign of a continuation in sight. And Lynch doesn't seem to have any interest in finishing the story after his follow-up movie to the series got panned by the public. It's disappointing... but such is life, I guess.
Monday, March 25, 2013
everything late
B: I wish everyone in the world were just like me. Life would be so much easier.
Me: I dunno about that. If I were to meet myself I'd hate me.
B: That says more about how you see yourself, doesn't it?
- Sometimes I'm too afraid to speak up out of fear of being criticized (I take criticism pretty heavily) or judged... but I've been feeling more lately the need to be bolder about what I think or feel. Some problems just continue to persist the longer you don't speak up about it until they start to drive you nuts.
Also, sometimes I wish people were more direct or honest with me, but I'm also afraid of what they might say for the same reasons. But maybe I ought to speak up for myself for once. I really appreciate it when others do for themselves.
- That said, there are some things I still would feel more conflicted about mentioning. Things like being forgotten when people organize stuff, which has happened for me in multiple circumstances. If it happens often enough it almost feels like you're purposefully being left out of events, or else you're just not that memorable- need I mention the fact that Nathan didn't remember me being at more than half of the events that both of us were at over the course of college, and we lived together.
I had the advantage then of being more involved when plans were being made or organized because I lived in such close proximity to everyone. Right now I feel like I'm more in the periphery of communities or social circles rather than in the middle of any one. I still experience self-doubt about whether or not it'd be worth trying harder, whether or not I'd really fit in anyway when I'm so prone to being quiet by default in the presence of all these folks to begin with. I don't even realize it sometimes.
The thing is, if you bring something like this up... well in past experiences, it started to annoy people to the point where it made the person more likely to not be invited. Or maybe it just depends on the attitude used when doing so. But the whole "I don't want to be a burden" and "maybe I'm not that likable" mentality just gets tiresome after a while, when all you just want to do is make all these unhealthy voices stop. Is it better to work to prevent the situations that cause these voices to occur from happening, or find ways to reduce their effects when they do [seemingly inevitably] happen?
- Last night I dreamt that my family's neighbors in socal put us under house arrest for not being neighborly enough to the general community... plus two other dreams I don't remember anymore. I don't usually have psychological dreams, but this dream actually follows from how I felt about approaching community growing up. I don't know if it's just the way social gatherings have been since I left home, but I've always sort of lamented how private my family's home life was growing up, not bothering to share more than small talk with our neighbors whenever we actually did see them, and me always being warned to never tell other people this and that because I have a bit of a blabbermouth problem sometimes. [and I still do, so maybe it's better for people not to tell me anything. but if you warn me to secrecy beforehand I'll get the point.]
But I mean, even from the church perspective, small groups were sort of a foreign concept to me until I came to college. It meant that people actually recognized you for once as more than just a face at church... after a while, anyway. But in any circumstance, it makes more of a difference once you step outside of your bubble and actually try to know the people around you beyond the superficial level. It means the risk of being more vulnerable to more people at once as well, but I believe the additional perspective on life you get is worth it. "One wanted fifty pairs of eyes to see with..."
But seriously, it makes all the difference.
Ironically, the sermon today was about community and I couldn't focus because I felt like I've mulled over this subject way too much in my life for it to just come up again. That and my mind's been preoccupied with other stuff anyway... but that's for another day.
Me: I dunno about that. If I were to meet myself I'd hate me.
B: That says more about how you see yourself, doesn't it?
- Sometimes I'm too afraid to speak up out of fear of being criticized (I take criticism pretty heavily) or judged... but I've been feeling more lately the need to be bolder about what I think or feel. Some problems just continue to persist the longer you don't speak up about it until they start to drive you nuts.
Also, sometimes I wish people were more direct or honest with me, but I'm also afraid of what they might say for the same reasons. But maybe I ought to speak up for myself for once. I really appreciate it when others do for themselves.
- That said, there are some things I still would feel more conflicted about mentioning. Things like being forgotten when people organize stuff, which has happened for me in multiple circumstances. If it happens often enough it almost feels like you're purposefully being left out of events, or else you're just not that memorable- need I mention the fact that Nathan didn't remember me being at more than half of the events that both of us were at over the course of college, and we lived together.
I had the advantage then of being more involved when plans were being made or organized because I lived in such close proximity to everyone. Right now I feel like I'm more in the periphery of communities or social circles rather than in the middle of any one. I still experience self-doubt about whether or not it'd be worth trying harder, whether or not I'd really fit in anyway when I'm so prone to being quiet by default in the presence of all these folks to begin with. I don't even realize it sometimes.
The thing is, if you bring something like this up... well in past experiences, it started to annoy people to the point where it made the person more likely to not be invited. Or maybe it just depends on the attitude used when doing so. But the whole "I don't want to be a burden" and "maybe I'm not that likable" mentality just gets tiresome after a while, when all you just want to do is make all these unhealthy voices stop. Is it better to work to prevent the situations that cause these voices to occur from happening, or find ways to reduce their effects when they do [seemingly inevitably] happen?
- Last night I dreamt that my family's neighbors in socal put us under house arrest for not being neighborly enough to the general community... plus two other dreams I don't remember anymore. I don't usually have psychological dreams, but this dream actually follows from how I felt about approaching community growing up. I don't know if it's just the way social gatherings have been since I left home, but I've always sort of lamented how private my family's home life was growing up, not bothering to share more than small talk with our neighbors whenever we actually did see them, and me always being warned to never tell other people this and that because I have a bit of a blabbermouth problem sometimes. [and I still do, so maybe it's better for people not to tell me anything. but if you warn me to secrecy beforehand I'll get the point.]
But I mean, even from the church perspective, small groups were sort of a foreign concept to me until I came to college. It meant that people actually recognized you for once as more than just a face at church... after a while, anyway. But in any circumstance, it makes more of a difference once you step outside of your bubble and actually try to know the people around you beyond the superficial level. It means the risk of being more vulnerable to more people at once as well, but I believe the additional perspective on life you get is worth it. "One wanted fifty pairs of eyes to see with..."
But seriously, it makes all the difference.
Ironically, the sermon today was about community and I couldn't focus because I felt like I've mulled over this subject way too much in my life for it to just come up again. That and my mind's been preoccupied with other stuff anyway... but that's for another day.
a little of
Less serious post:
A: My P is coming out right now.
K: Oh, yeah, I should tan right now. *pulls up jacket sleeves*
I'm thankful for these random moments.
- I started writing reviews for books on goodreads after Eric suggested I start, and I got kinda carried away after the first one. Probably will start writing short blurbs on there more and save posts on here for more in-depth impressions when I feel it for certain books.
- Our Comcast internet started hating on all things Google the past few days, and in the process of trying togoogle I mean bing the solution I got bombarded by messages about how much better Bing is than Google... and got results to help sites hosted on Google servers, which didn't help much... and of course it all magically started working again a few hours later each time. I just hope this lasts long enough for me to finish writing this, cause of course blogspot and 70% of my other internet activity is hosted by Google. >_>
[It wasn't a service provider DNS issue cause the problem persisted even if you used direct ip addresses to the sites or used alternative public DNS servers... and my hosts file didn't have any references to google either. Sigh.]
- Played Ultimate Werewolf for the first time the other night. It's like Mafia but with more official roles cause there's a rulebook and role cards and artifacts that totally change up the gameplay. For the Hilgard folks, all of the roles we had when we played are there: Mafia = Werewolf [kills one player each night], regular folks = Villagers, Doctor = Bodyguard [prevents one person from dying each night], Detective = Seer [checks if one player is a werewolf each night], Town Fool = The Tanner [wins if he/she gets lynched], and Cupid is there in his full glory [chooses two people to be the Lovers and if one dies the other dies automatically] and I had a hell of a time being him twice in a row.
There was also the Sorcerer, who happens to be on the Werewolves' side (although they don't know who each other are) and gets a turn each night to ask the Mod if a person is a Seer; the Hunter, who immediately shoots someone dead the moment he's killed (and in one game unwittingly killed both of the Lovers I chose as Cupid hehehe); the Lycan, who is actually just a normal villager but appears to be a werewolf to the Seer; the Witch, who chooses once per game to kill/heal a player; and the first person to die in the game gets the ability to send a message from beyond the grave the next round in the form of a single letter to help identify who the killer is, so long as that letter isn't someone's initial (examples we used: "G" which meant glasses, "F" which meant fan, "M" which meant muscles, etc.).
Each player also got an artifact with a special ability that they could use once during the game. Some examples: copy a person's ability if they're special... which prompted the moderator to say "sorcerers wake up" rather than "sorcerer wake up" on accident once, so everyone knew who the sorcerer[s] were; force one person to answer a yes/no question truthfully; demote one player to a villager if they aren't one for the rest of the game; force the last lynched person to send a 1 letter message from the grave; steal another person's artifact; void, which means this artifact does nothing; and so on.
And there were a bunch of roles we didn't even touch because we'd need way more than ~10 people (Vampire: Kill a villager each night, who dies in the middle of the day; Drunk: is a villager until the third night when they find out their real role; Hoodlum: chooses two players on the first night and wins if they are dead and he/she is still alive; and the Chupacabra and a bunch of other stuff). Dan was complaining that there were too many special roles going on at night, which made the nights extremely longer than usual cause every single special role had to wake up on their own turn every night. To be honest, though, I thought it made for a really funny game even during the nights... which got compounded by the moderator having to ask people to wake up cause he/she forgot who they were haha. Fail mod.
- I've effectively been on a video game hiatus since I moved [not counting Dota cause that's not a game I binge on for days in a row and I only play when asked to], but I still follow news on video games semi-frequently along with all those kickstarter updates. I can't recall the last time I've been so hyped for upcoming games. Just this week:
-- Chris Avellone (writer for Planescape: Torment, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II, Mask of the Betrayer, and Fallout: New Vegas among others) and Patrick Rothfuss (author of The Kingkiller Chronicle, of whom I'm not solid on but this could still be good) added as stretch goals to the Torment kickstarter, which hit 3 mil today.
This combined with Ziets (creative lead on Mask of the Betrayer), Mitsoda (lead writer on Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines), Morgan (composer for Fallout and Planescape: Torment), and what we've seen from McComb, Saunders and Cook so far... this is the game I'm most looking forward to... that isn't a sequel anyway, otherwise it'd be Dreamfall Chapters.
-- They also released a sample track from Torment that I've been listening to on repeat: The Bloom.
-- Double Fine Adventure officially announced with the title Broken Age.
-- The makers of Bastion announced a new sci-fi themed game called Transistor.
-- Ducktales (NES) announced coming out this summer remastered with the voice actors from the original cartoon. NOSTALGIA.
-- and this was from a couple of weeks ago, but season 2 of The Walking Dead, the adventure game, was announced as targeted for this fall.
- Since Sammy forced me to buy the latest Starcraft 2 expansion a few days ago, I'll probably be breaking the hiatus now... except I feel like playing Fallout 2 and Alpha Centauri and Front Mission 2 while watching videos of Anachronox instead and I should probably stop now.
A: My P is coming out right now.
K: Oh, yeah, I should tan right now. *pulls up jacket sleeves*
I'm thankful for these random moments.
- I started writing reviews for books on goodreads after Eric suggested I start, and I got kinda carried away after the first one. Probably will start writing short blurbs on there more and save posts on here for more in-depth impressions when I feel it for certain books.
- Our Comcast internet started hating on all things Google the past few days, and in the process of trying to
[It wasn't a service provider DNS issue cause the problem persisted even if you used direct ip addresses to the sites or used alternative public DNS servers... and my hosts file didn't have any references to google either. Sigh.]
- Played Ultimate Werewolf for the first time the other night. It's like Mafia but with more official roles cause there's a rulebook and role cards and artifacts that totally change up the gameplay. For the Hilgard folks, all of the roles we had when we played are there: Mafia = Werewolf [kills one player each night], regular folks = Villagers, Doctor = Bodyguard [prevents one person from dying each night], Detective = Seer [checks if one player is a werewolf each night], Town Fool = The Tanner [wins if he/she gets lynched], and Cupid is there in his full glory [chooses two people to be the Lovers and if one dies the other dies automatically] and I had a hell of a time being him twice in a row.
There was also the Sorcerer, who happens to be on the Werewolves' side (although they don't know who each other are) and gets a turn each night to ask the Mod if a person is a Seer; the Hunter, who immediately shoots someone dead the moment he's killed (and in one game unwittingly killed both of the Lovers I chose as Cupid hehehe); the Lycan, who is actually just a normal villager but appears to be a werewolf to the Seer; the Witch, who chooses once per game to kill/heal a player; and the first person to die in the game gets the ability to send a message from beyond the grave the next round in the form of a single letter to help identify who the killer is, so long as that letter isn't someone's initial (examples we used: "G" which meant glasses, "F" which meant fan, "M" which meant muscles, etc.).
Each player also got an artifact with a special ability that they could use once during the game. Some examples: copy a person's ability if they're special... which prompted the moderator to say "sorcerers wake up" rather than "sorcerer wake up" on accident once, so everyone knew who the sorcerer[s] were; force one person to answer a yes/no question truthfully; demote one player to a villager if they aren't one for the rest of the game; force the last lynched person to send a 1 letter message from the grave; steal another person's artifact; void, which means this artifact does nothing; and so on.
And there were a bunch of roles we didn't even touch because we'd need way more than ~10 people (Vampire: Kill a villager each night, who dies in the middle of the day; Drunk: is a villager until the third night when they find out their real role; Hoodlum: chooses two players on the first night and wins if they are dead and he/she is still alive; and the Chupacabra and a bunch of other stuff). Dan was complaining that there were too many special roles going on at night, which made the nights extremely longer than usual cause every single special role had to wake up on their own turn every night. To be honest, though, I thought it made for a really funny game even during the nights... which got compounded by the moderator having to ask people to wake up cause he/she forgot who they were haha. Fail mod.
- I've effectively been on a video game hiatus since I moved [not counting Dota cause that's not a game I binge on for days in a row and I only play when asked to], but I still follow news on video games semi-frequently along with all those kickstarter updates. I can't recall the last time I've been so hyped for upcoming games. Just this week:
-- Chris Avellone (writer for Planescape: Torment, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II, Mask of the Betrayer, and Fallout: New Vegas among others) and Patrick Rothfuss (author of The Kingkiller Chronicle, of whom I'm not solid on but this could still be good) added as stretch goals to the Torment kickstarter, which hit 3 mil today.
This combined with Ziets (creative lead on Mask of the Betrayer), Mitsoda (lead writer on Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines), Morgan (composer for Fallout and Planescape: Torment), and what we've seen from McComb, Saunders and Cook so far... this is the game I'm most looking forward to... that isn't a sequel anyway, otherwise it'd be Dreamfall Chapters.
-- They also released a sample track from Torment that I've been listening to on repeat: The Bloom.
-- Double Fine Adventure officially announced with the title Broken Age.
-- The makers of Bastion announced a new sci-fi themed game called Transistor.
-- Ducktales (NES) announced coming out this summer remastered with the voice actors from the original cartoon. NOSTALGIA.
-- and this was from a couple of weeks ago, but season 2 of The Walking Dead, the adventure game, was announced as targeted for this fall.
- Since Sammy forced me to buy the latest Starcraft 2 expansion a few days ago, I'll probably be breaking the hiatus now... except I feel like playing Fallout 2 and Alpha Centauri and Front Mission 2 while watching videos of Anachronox instead and I should probably stop now.
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