Lately

So lately I've been having a lot of random thoughts that have made me go, "I should blog this!" And then I don't because I'm not at a computer and when I do get access I don't feel like it anymore. But I guess I do this them. I'll post them random style again.

- It occurred to me that I don't really post much about what's actually going on in my life, besides what's inside my head. At least not since Chapter Camp, which was a month ago. A month is a long time in the blog-o-verse.

- I feel less inclined to write about specific circumstances or events involving other people. Most of what makes it on here is what's in my head when I'm alone, or in general over a period of time.

- I tend to be in an observer's position a lot of the time when I'm with people. It's just in my nature to not really want to be part of the center of attention. I hated it when people paid attention to me when I was little, although most of those times it was probably because I was embarrassing myself at some point. I dislike embarrassing myself, although I do it a lot anyway. Johny calls me a voyeur of people.

- My observer status has gotten to the point where Nathan doesn't remember me being at a number of places with him, even though I was there. Like for instance being in the apartment at all last summer. I just don't stand out much, I guess.

- A lot of the time, though, I actually do want to be more involved, but I don't really have anything to say that would fit the circumstance. I'm not really conscious of this until afterwards, but I just end up not talking much in general just cause I have nothing to say.

- Lately I've been getting more comfortable with not having anything to say. I feel apathetic about awkward silences; half the time they end up feeling natural to me anyway. But I do appreciate it when there isn't silence, though.

- This brings to mind that one Stars song, "Your Ex-lover is Dead."

I'm not sorry I met you.
I'm not sorry it's over.
I'm not sorry there's nothing to say.

That kinda applies to how I feel about a lot of past things now. Except maybe not to the extent of an ex-lover, but an ex...friend? People I used to know. and stuff.

- I've been missing things... less. I don't miss the old apartment, or the environment/community there. I don't really know if I did before in the past either. It just felt like a natural progression of things. I don't really miss people or past times that much either. Except for my brother. I still miss my brother. Even though I don't do stuff with him that often when I'm at home anyway.

- When I came back from Chapter Camp, there was this brief period of me wondering how I would be able to adjust back to everyday life again. Part of me didn't want to go back to the apartment cause more than half the people were gone already. And the apartment felt weird when there weren't people there. But that feels like a long time ago now.

- Now I think I'm too acclimated to everyday life. Every day just passes by really fast. And I don't reflect that much, except for the random moments that eventually accumulate into this list.

- I have no idea whether half these thoughts are rhetorical or not. That or I'm too thought-lazy to think about it and realize whether they're obvious. Maybe they aren't that common-sense after all.

- I want to say more, but this is already getting to the point of feeling like blog-post long. My next thought was going to be about hair anyway. ...On second thought.

- I'm self-conscious of my hair. Especially whenever it sticks up. I don't like it when other people see it sticking up. And I dislike having longer than short hair. This is kind of a hypocritical point considering I'm always chastising Ryan for being self-conscious of his hair, but in my defense, he starts complaining about his hair at an earlier point than when I would complain about mine.

- I need to get a hair cut soon. Maybe next week.

- There's this nice lady on Euclid, nearby La Val's, who was usually by herself whenever I passed by to and from campus. I felt bad for seeing her alone so often so I got my hair cut there a number of times. The haircuts go by pretty fast, and it's nice talking to her about life. Now that I live on southside though, I probably won't be going there again.

- I need to stop sleeping at 3-5 AM everyday. I feel like everyone around me's adjusted to an early sleep schedule for the summer, whereas I switched off from a decent sleep schedule to a wow-I-can-hear-birds-chirping-cause-it's-5 schedule. I don't really have much reason to stay up this late either.

- Saw Toy Story 3 today with Connie and Danny. T'was excellent. Ate dinner at Skates on the Bay for Kimmy's birthday. T'was also excellent. I have no idea why I'm using t'was except that's the sound that comes to mind when I'm saying this in my head. Kinda like how I say okies whenever I'm talking to people I talk to online a lot. It sounds natural in my head.

- Maybe my mind will have a more focused topic next time. Too many other additional topics came up today, and I need to sleep.
(granted, half the topics above kinda appeared on the spot following something that I actually thought about today)