I hate being sick.

Almost as much as I hate losing things. Productivity auto-goes to zero. Confined to the bed for most of the day. And part of the time not really sleeping, because for some reason my body refuses to fall asleep.

It was in the midst of these sleepless moments last night that I started... just thinking. About things. Okay, so maybe this blog gives off the impression that I'm thinking every waking moment of the day, but I guess it's more to say that I started thinking... more productively? Agh whatever, cue list of thoughts from last night. (it's like texts from last night! except lamer.)

1. List of phobias!
- eye damage
- being on a plane crash. especially into a body of water.
- being on a sinking ship
- failing exams I didn't study for (especially when it's a class I didn't take. this only happens in dreams)
- drowning
- drowning after failing an exam I didn't study for on a sinking ship (no seriously, I had this dream this year.)

2. So for the past couple of weeks or so we've been having problems with the apartment downstairs because they smoke every day. and it's pretty noticeable. although granted, a few days ago I apparently was sitting within a cloud of cigarette smell and didn't even notice anything until the guys came back...

But yeah, earlier I was almost acclimating to the smell (which is pretty bad now that I think about it), but since I got sick, I can't really stand it. It's starting to drive me nuts, how often the bathroom fan needs to be left on to eliminate the smell. We might/probably? will be moving to another apartment in the building.

3. I kinda miss my old mattress. I downgraded to the spare mattress we had in the living room cause mine was a bit big for the loft/bunk I got - which is more to say that I would hit my head on the ceiling more often with my old mattress - and the spare mattress kinda has spots where you can feel the springs poking through it. It's still sleepable on for the most part, but ehh not so much when you're sick and fumbling back and forth trying to fall asleep.

I also miss being able to sit up in bed. and pray. Nowadays I find it easiest to pray while standing on the ladder before getting into bed. But it isn't quite the same.

4. The ceiling might've contributed to that annoying headache that I keep having throughout the night. I can't tell if the pain is from the ceiling, me being sick, or both. It's kind of a weird feeling.

5. Things to buy tomorrow at Walgreens: Toothpaste. Thermometer. Cough drops. (except I'm not really coughing. the back of my throat just hurts.)

(I wound up replacing cough drops with mouth wash when I went to Walgreens cause I found cough drops on the kitchen table. Except when I tried opening them later, the wrapping would keep sticking to the drop like paper to tape. Adding water helped, though.)

6. The number of times I heard Ryan playing his DS in the bathroom has made me weary of the beeping noise that Pokemon makes whenever you select something with the stylus. It started getting to the point that I would think I was hearing the sound in random places like Cory Hall. And then I heard it last night coming from Johny's DS. -_-''

I also heard that one aria from Rigoletto through the wall last night.

7. Something smells like it's cooking. and it has a strong stew?-ish kind of smell. I would be more interested if I had an appetite. I ate a piece of toast and half a bowl of rice for dinner today, which I couldn't finish.

(it turned out that there wasn't any stew cooking... so I have no idea what the smell was. Maybe I was just smelling things.)

8. You learn random but interesting things when you're sick. Overdosing acetaminophen (see Tylenol) causes liver damage, and the liver is mainly where it acts to affect the rest of the body. Which is why they're always telling you not to combine it with other drugs containing acetaminophen. They don't recommend exceeding 4000mg of the stuff within 24 hours.

This is also the first time I can remember sweating profusely within an hour of taking Tylenol for a fever. Usually you have the chills cause your body is trying to raise its temperature to a higher set point. I guess the opposite is sweating a lot to bring your temperature back to normal? Wow, obvious connections!

I'm kinda paranoid about the Tylenol wearing off sometime during the night. I'm afraid it's all going to repeat again.

(It did.)

9. Insert a "I should remember this dream!" moment.

(And then I woke up at noon and forgot what the dream was. When I try thinking about it now, the only image that comes to mind is that blue fairy from Pinocchio... or something else that's blue. but that can't be it.)

10. Pride is really annoying. It makes me do a lot of stupid, non-common-sensical things (for instance, not acting on something I want when I want it) for the sake of not giving my appearance away to other people... even though if they get to know me well enough, it'll be given away anyway.

I should start acting more on what I think rather than just always leaving them in my head. Which is at the other end of the extreme of always acting on your impulses.

11. I kinda deserve this sickness.

I started going a bit delirious at this point - somewhere between accepting this as either a punishment or test or just something I felt like I couldn't bear anymore.

12. *insert singing worship songs in bed* - It's kind of an interesting feeling, trying to worship God in the midst of sleeplessness and sickness. I think my head cleared up a bit in the process.

13. I wish I were home-home right now.

I think this is the first time in a long while I can recall getting sick... and while still hating it as usual, I think something good came out of it. I can't really describe what. Cause even now I hate being sick, but I don't feel entirely... dejected about it? I remember getting tired of becoming sick so often this past semester that each time I'd get sick, I'd pretty much become miserable. But this time's different. I guess.