I suppose I've been feeling jaded about people in general lately. Well okay so I meant to say something a bit more broad but I guess that came to mind in particular. Well, I know I've said before that people are fascinating. I still think they are. But...

I dunno. Lately I've been feeling antisocial? antipeople? I don't actually feel this way so much when I'm actually around people, but when I'm alone and my mind starts wandering, I start thinking about random things that tend to dampen my mood regarding seeing people in general.

I remember back in the day when I would give anything just to spend time with people. Friends, that is. Like I'd rather be at someone else's house than at home, and stuff. And now it's been maybe a year and 3/4, and I'm still staying home most of the time, but I don't really care now. It's not because of the lack of contact with people so much as what contact I have had... or maybe just reading about things in the news and such. I don't really know where to pinpoint this, I just feel kinda negative right now.

A number of things have been swimming around in my head for a while now:

Kate's statement (paraphrased out of proportion probably) back when she was still upset about the baby chimpanzee - about how people were stupid.

Johny asking why other people's suffering should negate his own- that he has his own right to complain about his own problems.

Nick saying that the purpose of a girlfriend was to right all of the wrongs that everyone has committed against you in your lifetime.

Annie talking about reevaluating the people that really were her friends.

Honestly, I feel like I resonate with Kate the most, but for different reasons than the original context of the statement. It just... bugs me when I start perceiving what I think are bad qualities in people. And then I realize that I suffer from those same qualities. Like for instance, I don't like it when people are selfish, even though I think pretty selfish thoughts all the time (not that I necessarily act on them).

Is it really because I genuinely feel bothered by other people's actions, or because I just don't like seeing myself in the same light as them?

I feel like I'm some hypocritical idealist who likes experiencing fictional realities rather than having to deal with reality itself. I'd rather think about the flaws of the characters in the books I read than the people I see in my everyday life. At least I can get away with criticizing their characters without offending anyone.

I don't like the way my family judges people sometimes.