L

It consumes my mind and my thoughts. That last time I got annoyed with it while washing dishes for getting in the way, that one time outside of the environmental design library when I pulled its hood over, that one time I left it on top of my backpack and assumed that it would make it to the destination just fine. And I keep running it over in my head, over and over, how I shouldn't have brought it since I didn't need it at all that day, how I should've just not gone to the early event to begin with, and so on. I can't stop it. Or in some respects I refuse to stop it.

I wonder whether or not I actually value the things I lose that much, or if I just have the unhealthy habit of over-sentimentalizing things that didn't really matter to me that much until I did lose them. As if to say that losing things somehow infinitely multiplies their value to me, because now they are lost and I can't have free access to them like I used to. So I rely on the memories I had of them before I lost them and suddenly, there's the good old days.

I really liked that sweater. I really did. Even though the arm cuffs were annoying too long for me and I kept unfastening and refastening them until the buttons rusted over, it was really comfy. And I loved the hood. And the dusty effect it had on the front.

I really wish I could just sleep and forget about this, but some part of me refuses to sleep and forget about this. Some part of me knows that if I forgot and then later became aware that I had lost a sweater again, I would get mad that I'd forgotten about it. Even though it doesn't really matter that much in the long run of things, because it's just a damn sweater.

I don't know why this week had to turn into my time to learn to give up worrying over the things that I lose, but I really dislike the fact that it is. I had enough with the ipod, I had enough with the suit, I had enough with the pink pencil that got knocked into the bush, I had enough with 10 years of losing pencils and ERASERS that I couldn't find anywhere 30 seconds after dropping them. Next thing I know I'm going to lose something that's priceless, and I don't know what I'm going to do then.

I am so easily swayed by the littlest of things. God, I just want my damn sweater back.

On a sidenote, I am also sick of perpetually getting sick, but that's another story. While running in the Amazing Race today, my back of my throat hurt so much that I thought I might pass out from the combined effects of flu symptoms and asthma attacks.

I don't really care about why it happened, I just hate that it happened. Especially in the midst of everything that I wanted to appreciate this weekend. I mean come on, it's EASTER.