I am not in the mood for anything at this moment. I just want to sit here and do nothing but stare at this screen.

I always feel this need to be doing more than what I am currently doing, yet I don't know where to begin.

I have moments where I start to wonder where God is, but I don't feel any motivation to pursue the topic anywhere. I've been carrying my Bible around for the past two weeks but have yet to open it. I also keep pushing back doing my homework until the time that I am about to fall asleep.

It would appear to me that when I am scheduling I am actually developing more reasons to feel jealous of other people. This is the reason why I have to stop.

It also occurred to me that my daily activities are rooted in this same insecurity that leads to jealousy. On one hand, it has guided how my tastes for different things have developed over the years. On the other hand, it has also contributed to my overbearing sense of pride and apparent need to state this fact on every other post in this blog.

I have been rejecting the notion that I am gifted by constantly putting other people's gifts over my own.

I am unable to formulate my thoughts into coherent sentences while praying. I do not feel the same drive after prayer. I do not feel the community I seek. I do not have the burning motivation I once had, the willingness to commit to what I set out to do.

and moreover, I NEED PRINTER INK. I am rather pissed that for whatever the reason I've never gotten around to buying the ink since last summer. Because I am a sheerly lazy person.

I am sick of complaining about things and never getting anything done.

This all needs to change now.