So I have probably tried to write three or four times about a certain topic, but for some reason I keep getting interrupted or just wind up deciding not to follow through with it until now. Only I'm not really following through with it anymore in light of recent days.

So instead, I'll start from today instead. Today, I starting feeling... apathetic about things I used to care about several days ago. This is probably just another one of those phases, as I've been essentially repeating this cycle for as long as I can remember now, but right now... I just feel like sitting here. And doing nothing. Something I've probably said before on multiple occasions. It might just be me needing some actual alone time... alone time that can't be achieved just by being alone on the computer. I need to be alone and able to take on an active role in my reflections rather than a passive role, more akin to what I'm doing right now rather than when I'm driving somewhere and random thoughts just happen to assail me.

I've been feeling weird the past few days just being at home. I feel like I need to have something that's required of me- I don't necessarily have to be doing it, though (meaning I could be procrastinating and I'd be feeling fine :P). Right now I have a week where I can pretty much do whatever I feel like doing until I go back to Berkeley... and I don't feel comfortable with this feeling for some reason. I can't just play games for hours on end like I used to and come away from it not feeling guilty anymore, even though I should have nothing to feel guilty about because I am free for now. This always happens every year to some extent, but for some reason I am really feeling it now.

In addition, home right now is feeling a little too... comfortable? Having just come from both Indonesia and Berkeley, home just doesn't really feel... right anymore. Technically to be honest, home hasn't really felt like home ever since I went on vacation for my birthday the summer before college started. Since then, I haven't been in HB for a period of time longer than 4 weeks, so it feels like I'm just visiting a place I used to call home now; it's as if I crossed some sort of threshold long ago from which I can't return. Maybe this will disappear after college is over, but for now, it's weird. This world feels too sheltered from what I'm used to by now.

A few days ago I'd been feeling a general sense of negativity from having missed out on stuff going on the last two and a half weeks because I had to be in Indonesia- but now I don't really care about it anymore. Life is just the same as ever.

And now I'm starting to feel tired again, so I guess I'll sleep. Perhaps at this rate I'll be able to wake up at 7 everyday once school starts.

Well, it was worth a thought. :P