I feel like part of my problem is that I don't like being perceived as slow. I never was able to start work in front of certain people because if they realized how much time I actually spend trying to understand what I'm doing, they'd realize how slow I actually am.

But I am slow. I'll admit it now. So I hope this doesn't stop me in the future, because it's partly contributed to the direction I've been falling into lately. I hate clocks and watches because they force you to realize that time isn't infinite. I always have to be aware of how much time my actions take because I don't have that much time available to do things. It puts pressure on me to finish my work in within a certain period. And the one thing I cannot handle mentally is being pressured to finish a task before a certain time. aka DO NOT RUSH ME.

I would be so much less stressed if I were so anxious of the amount of time I spend doing things. I tend to set myself to a certain standard, saying that if I don't finish this within X amount of time, I'll be behind everyone else or some random crap like that. I'm so self-conscious of this that I start feeling depressed when I realize how much time I'm actually spending. I wish I were fast and efficient. But for some reason my mind doesn't work that way.

I also tend to get really annoyed when people feel the need to see what I am doing on my laptop, but for that matter I should probably stop doing that myself. I'm too nosy sometimes for my own good.

Cocteau Twins - Carolyn's Fingers