I probably won't be sleeping tonight.

I wonder sometimes why I am so contemplative. It really gets in the way of the work I try to do.

I wonder why I have this sore in my mouth that's been bugging me for this week. I wonder why I always get sick when I'm up here. I wonder why I can never finish my work before midnight. I wonder why I can never start my work before midnight. I wonder why I have an infection and bowel problems and blood coming out of my rectum for the past month. I wonder why I keep getting cramps and sore from menial tasks and injured from the most minor things. I wonder why I get tense and stressed out from worrying about being inefficient and not getting work done in a timely fashion like normal people. I wonder why I feel so easily offended on the inside and refuse to admit it on the outside. I wonder why I can never concentrate whether or not I'm by myself or with other people. I wonder why my lips keep getting chapped and irritating me. I wonder why I keep imagining myself getting mugged or killed by a criminal or random thugs on the street just to think of how people would react to it. I wonder why I take the people in my life for granted and act as if everything is all right when it isn't. I wonder why my nose keeps getting runny and bothering me and I CAN'T FOCUS FOR THE LIFE OF ME.