I suppose writing in this format would feel the most natural to me, so this is how I'll go. Although first, other thoughts.

The IV Leadership Reflection caught up to me at a time that... well it isn't the most stressful academically speaking, but like other priorities that tend to jump out at me, interfered with my usual mental processes. I feel like tonight has been a reflection of the way things have been for me for the past while: heightened mental state and tension due to the stress of an impending deadline; frustration at losing things and my own incompetence; mania and an overall lack of feeling rest, not to mention worry over the uncertain nature of the future. I feel antisocial and abhorrent of the world immediately around me and unable to focus myself due to all of the distractions present. I want to scream at something and not be heard by anyone. To not have to worry about other people seeing me.

This is the moment that I need God most. I feel ashamed that I feel unable to bring myself to pray in front of my own apartment-mates. I do feel like God's been trying to speak to me somehow, but I feel as though for some reason I cannot make sense of where or how he's trying to communicate with me. And I don't know where I'm going with my life.

Speak.